Oh My Love: PART 3 (A Chris Brown Love Story)

Chapter 1: Realities of My Life

“Congratulations Nai!” I yelled at the end of the small ceremony, “You did it!”

Naima was holding a piece of paper which was her “diploma” and a bouquet of roses I bought earlier.

“Thank you daddy,” she wrapped her little arms around my neck when I knelt down to give her a hug, “Can I have some ice cream now?”

I laughed, “Sure babe. We just have to find your grandma first. She’s somewhere in here talking to God knows who.”

I picked Naima up in her little graduation gown and searched through the auditorium for my mom. I spotted her talking to one of the other parents and headed over to where she was.

“Grandma!” Naima yelled when we reached her.

“Hey baby,” my mom took her from me, “Congratulations on graduating. You must be really smart to pass Kindergarten!”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Naima said sarcastically and we all let out a laugh.

I heard another voice laughing beside me so I turned to see a woman, about my age holding a little boy in his graduation gown.

“Oh, Chris, this is my friend’s daughter Shannon. She just moved here, and I figured since the two of you are around the same age and have children the same age, maybe you could show her around Los Angeles,” my mom said.

“Momma,” I said giving her the look.

I knew what she was doing. For the past few years she’s been trying to find a woman I’d be interested in, and although it was kind of her to be concerned, I find it a little annoying that she’s pressuring me to find someone. Even after five years, my heart still hasn’t healed from the loss of Audri. Five years is just too soon.

And it seems like my mother had gotten Naima into doing the same thing. Just the other day, she asked her art teacher if she could be her mom. It was a little embarrassing, but I understand how Naima’s feeling. And, being here at the graduation where all the other little kids are with their moms doesn’t make it any better, either. I can’t help but feel sorry for Naima since she can’t be with her mom. I know a father could never come close to the relationship that a mother and daughter has.

We went to the ice cream parlor, and after when we got home, I put Naima to bed for a nap since it was around 4:00.

I loved seeing Naima graduate from Kindergarten, but happy days like this just made me feel so terrible that Audri couldn’t be here to enjoy these happy times with us. I tried not to, but I broke down and started crying in my bedroom, and my mother must’ve heard me, because she came in and hugged me without even having to ask what was wrong. She knew I was struggling with everything.

On top of everything with Naima, my music career hasn’t been the same either.  The two loves of my life are gone, and thoughts like these are the thoughts that make me question my life.

I continued crying, and realized I needed to talk to my mom about it.

“I can’t deal with this anymore,” I sobbed into my mother’s arms as she rubbed my back lightly in hopes of soothing my anger.

“Chris, I know it’s been hard for you these last few years, but we’re gonna get through this; I promise,” my mom said.

I hadn’t been this upset since Naima’s mom passed and now all of the feelings were coming back to me…on top of everything that’s been happening in the past five years.

I reminisced on the last few years…all of its ups and downs. I remember how once the public found out that I had a daughter, everyone went insane trying to find out who her mother was. At that point, my life was in the public’s eye 24/7. I was chased by paparazzi every day, and they even found ways to get cameras inside my house. I was scared for myself, and for Naima. After a while, I couldn’t take it, so I moved to Spain for a year to get away from it all, and my music career hasn’t been the same since. It’s been hard for me to make a hit album…let alone a hit record. I actually look back now and wonder if moving to Spain and getting away from paparazzi was actually worth losing my career in music.

I just wished Audri was here with me right now. She’d know how to make me feel better.

Naima and I are living at my mom’s house, and because money isn’t how it used to be, I had to sell my Lamborghini and my two houses. I feel horrible for not being able to provide for myself and my daughter.

I wasn’t expecting to cry, but after looking over my life I saw that problem after problem came one by one.

“Chris, trust me. Everything’s going to be fine. You just need to find new ways to make things work. Nothing’s going to get done by moping around,” my mom said.

“Momma, don’t you think I’d be doing something right now if I could. I don’t know what to do! Nobody wants to sign me! My life is over.”

I planted my face in my hands and wiped my tears.

I felt a little hand on my arm and looked up to see Naima. She had woken up early from her nap.

I tried to pretend like I hadn’t been in tears for the past half an hour and put on a smile for her, “Nai, you woke up early. Come here.”

She climbed onto my lap and I held her closely.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” she asked in a groggy voice.

“I’m not crying. My eyes are just wet,” I hated lying to her, but I couldn’t let her see how hurt I was.

“Don’t cry,” she said and wiped the tears on my face which made me smile.

“Okay, I won’t,” I replied.

My mom got up and told us she was going to make dinner.

“Daddy, can we have a tea party now…you promised,” she said.

I couldn’t say no to her, so I walked with her downstairs, and used her little tea party as a distraction to the realities of my life.