𝑨𝑹𝑴𝒀 𝑶𝑭 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑺 = 𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑹𝑶𝑹: ʙᴜɴɢᴏᴜ ꜱᴛʀᴀʏ ᴅᴏɢꜱ x ꜰ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

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3rd POV

"Hey Odasaku," Dazai said. "Sorry, Sensei."

"You're calling a cat Sensei?"

"Doesn't he look wise? He even gives up his seat when I have guests. Anyway, you have to hear this, Odasaku! There was a shootout today."

"Oh?"

"I was trading shots in a warehouse block with a lively crew armed with a machine-gun-equipped truck!"

"That's quite the weapon. And what's the deal with your new injuries? Are those from this shootout?"

"I had to relieve myself in the midst of it, then I fell in a ditch because I was in such a hurry."

"I see. When you rush, it's hard to avoid that."

"Indeed it is," Dazai responded as he played with the ice in his drink. "Oh and for the others, they ran away bawling after I set a trap and roughed them up a bit. They're a pretty worthless bunch. Thanks to them, sweet death eluded me. Oh, man! I wonder if there's a simple, sure way to commit suicide somewhere."

"I doubt it."

"Odasaku? Many fear death, but are also drawn to it at the same time. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a single event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire. So on that note, barkeep, may I have a cup of detergent?"

"We don't have any."

"Oh, fine. Then how about a detergent-based cocktail?"

"We don't have any."

"I guess there's nothing you can do now."

"Odasaku-san, you should've called him out. It's because you never do that Dazai-kun goes off the rails."

"Ango!" Dazai speaks as Ango walks toward them.

"You should call him out with about the force of a hammer hitting the back of his head. I'm driving today, so tomato juice, please."

"It's been a while. Are you back from a job?" Dazai asks.

"It was a bad day. It took way too much time to buy smuggled items. After haggling until eight, all I have to show for my efforts is this antique watch. This concludes about 74% of transactions for this quarter. If I account for the 8% of existing organizations which we never dealt with before, our profit has exceeded last year's by 34% Perhaps it is thanks to our youngest executives in the mob's history."

"Well, thank you."

"Of course, this summation includes today's disastrous deal."

"So Ango fuzzed his job, too."

"'Fuzzed'?"

"Yeah, we're fuzz-buddies. Come to think of it, it's been a long time since we first became drinking buddies although my beloved belladonna isn't here right now... But anyways, I have never heard you complain about work, Odasaku."

"It'd only bore you to hear my stories as the lowest-ranking member of the organization."

"There you go being secretive again. What did you do this time?"

"I punished a kid stealing from a store in a shopping district that pays us protection money. I mediated a tense face-off between the lover and the wife of one of our shell company's executives. Lastly, I disposed of a dud that was found behind one of the Mafia offices."

While he was talking Dazai's eyes began to sparkle, "Hey Odasaku! Let's change jobs. I want to dispose of duds, too!"

"You wouldn't be able to handle it," Ango interjected.