collection of my discord crackfics tee hee

chuuya mpreg

dazai was just playing touhou with his feet in the air because yeaj until chuuya burst down the door and screamed something about him being pregnant and dazais the father and yadayada i hate undead dazai did not give 2 fucks until chuuya mentioned odasaku, the unit 'eden' and the fact that he was already a month and two weeks pregnant but dazai cared about oda way more than chuuya's pregnancy he started which isnt even possible logically and scientifically but this is who i am and i have a fucked up thought process so like dazai was like "how DARE U talk abt odasaku like that!!" and then kicked his baby belly which led to atsushi and kyouka appearing from behind chuuya and atsushi was like "dazai-san u cant do that to a pregnant,.... man... im calling kunikida" "whatever im lraving tehe agency and starting a new ;ife this is not my bbay fuck you chuuya" and then pushses atsushi and kyouka ot of the way and left ok now 2 months later dazai comes back he didnt actually quit the agency btw but he still denied the father allegations so like 2 months later dszai comes abck to chuuya and is like "babygrl.,,, pookieballs,,, kaoru hakaze from undead,,..... im supper duper sos so sos so so sos os very vry beru very sorry i shouldn have donte thta ur pregnancy is wayyyyyyyyym ore important than someone whos dead for 4 years pls tsake me back☹️☹️" while on his knees chuuya replied with "STOP BREKIANG INTO MY HOUSE???? but yeah fine ill tive u a second chance teehee" "yay" so then a week later dazai calls ango right so he was like "angoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoangoango" "what is it, dazai?" "how 2 take care of baby" "uh, in what way..? plus, can't you search that on the internet? i'm sure-" but before he could say more, dazai cut him off "okie dokie cookie thqnk youy pookster" then hung up on the man afrterwards dazai took a sheet of paper and went on the internet, searching "colleen ballinger apology" and "ukelele lessons" and then "dance in the WAPocalypse" sinetad of what he wanted to search in the beginnning because he doesnt have experience and chuuya and him were fucked up childrne plus from what i can get from stormbringer currently cuz i havent read the rest os that chuuya aint human and was found by shirase and a few members of ahseep!!! so then eyah idk man so then dazai had to restart his parenthood guide thingy again so like wen he actuslly did the thing he was sooooooooooo BOREDDDDDD!!!!!!!!1 and ended up writing abortion overm and over again so then he skiddalddled to atsushi n(not chuuyas dad) was like "atsushi-kun pls help me how 2 take care of babey :3" and in return he got a "erm, i think when the baby cries the diaper needs to be changed or something like that i think cuz i dont even have one so like you do you i guess?? maybe ask yosano-sensei?" but then dazai was ttying to reason adn was like "but yosano-sensei's too scary!!!" ZHUT THE FUCK UP I WOULD ASK HER ONA DATE IF SHE WAS MY DCOTOR anywahbs time skip it is now 9 months. dazai and chuuya are at chuuya's house, knowing that chuuya's water can break any minute now. oh and kenji's there for emotional support because kenji!!! minute after minute, still no sign or anything. "its not gonna work chibi we're probably too early lmao" "i dont even know how pregnancy works??" oh and kenji left to get sleep so it's just them in the room they waited days and nights and one of those nights the curtain was open wide and a kuntilanak broke in but chuuya said "STO BREAKING INTO MY HOSUE AND FUCK OFF???" and used his super duper cool gravity manipulation ability to get the kuntilanak out of the room

then they continued waiting and waiting until today where chuuya was screaming so hard and shoutin g at dazai for an ambulance so he did and they took chuua away to a hospital CHUUYA WAS IN LABOR@!!!!!🤯🤯 so dazai catches up on his feet amd bringes kenji and atsushi with him because yeha so chuuya pov and now hes in bed trying tp push th e baby out of his hole and woah!!! the doctors chuuyas dead friend dco!!! og my hod its doc!!! so he has a team full of top med school graduates and he's like shouting "push" every 0.5 seconds but i know for sure he's probably saying that hoarsely from what i can remember this dude looked unhealthy and yet was a licsendednss doctor or not i domy remember lol so like "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH" is what chuuya can let out from the current situatuon and kenji breaks the door and goes "u can do it, chuuya-san!!" then BOOM💥💥💥 the baby pops out "congratulations, chuuya. its twins, a girl and a boy." THERE'S TWO CHILDREN?!?!??! WOAH!!1 oh and dazai was there and was like "oh m y god,,.. our chilrfenn,.." while tearing up sobbing wildly. okay now its the part where they name the children and chuuya was like "hinata and yuta" but dazai was like "aya and karma" which earned him a "you cant name them off of characters who already exists with thst name" but then the babies opened their eyes and chuuya was like "fine it's aya and subaru" and dazai was like hooray and happy and all of that shit so now the abiise are in the delivery room and then BAM!!!!💥💥💥 theres akutagawa and he whispers in subaru and aya's ear, "don't you dare steal the attention from me or i'll snap both of eachother's legs. i was dazai-san's first child, you two are just mere replacements for when i fail. you're not even as strong as me. you're--" before he could say more to the children and stuff atsushi was kncoking on th glass so akutagawa went otuside and asked "what do you want, weretiger?" "dude, they're just children. they won't steal dazai-san's attention from you, i doubt dazai would even--" "you don't understand! do you know how it feels to be apart of the port mafia?!" he shouted "..yes..? look, they were just born. you don't need to be cruel to them because they're dazai's children and stuff. also, do you wanna go out for tea?" atsushi asked the man infront of him "fine, i won't do anything to the children. and sure, why not?" so they go out of the hospital and EXPLOSION!!!! 💥💥 shin soukoku date sequel when.

THE END!!!!

(is it bad that dazais in most fics i wrote in discord)