Willow Needs Help

7

Ribs | Lorde

⚠️ TW: Suicide Ideation ⚠️
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When I Grow Up
Essay

Name: Willow Sinclair
Subject: When I Grow Up Essay
Date: 7th August, 2023

WHEN I GROW UP, I want to be content. I want to live life the way I should be living it. I hope that one day I will be able to break out of my bubble filled with self-hatred and vacancy, so I can experience the world with hopefulness in my heart. Maybe if I am smart enough, I can help other people to do the same by pursuing child psychology. I want to help kids navigate their feelings and make sure they feel safe. But I don't know if I can actually pursue that career, because at the end of the day, I'm just a little teenage girl who can't even accept the advice she gives to her friends.

In all honesty, I actually don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Because what do you know at fifteen? All you know is that your friends will betray you, your relationship with your family is temporarily over, and that being beautiful is hard work. I've always wanted to be a child psychologist when I was younger, but I can't deny that it is a hard profession. It is difficult having to help people get over their complicated feelings, especially if you haven't gotten over your own.

That's why when I grow up, I want to be able to get over my complicated feelings.

Maybe I will be both the patient and the psychologist.

Maybe I will finally achieve my goal of being happy and getting help.

But what do I know? I'm just fifteen. Time will tell. For now, I am currently writing this essay in my bedroom, the bright lights illuminating my solidarity and the unbreakable bubble that surrounds me. One day, that bubble is going to break and I will experience what it's like to live.

However, if I do become a child psychologist when i grow up, the first child I am going to heal is my inner one.
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"Wow, that was good." Ashton complimented me as he looked my paper. "I haven't even started on my essay. Thank god Miss Anderson didn't come today" he chuckled.

I grabbed a new sheet of paper, "Thanks... well I guess you have another day to complete it." I said awkwardly.

It is currently Monday, after school. Ashton and I are sitting on a tree nearby to start on our school project together. As much as I despised social interaction and meeting new people, I did not mind having Ashton as my partner. Sure, if I had an option, I would much rather work alone. However, Ashton is actually a somewhat decent human being.

For starters, he saved me from the beast that is Ryan Adler. He didn't have to, but he did. We didn't know each other then. All I knew back then was that he was the hot and intimidating-looking guy who asked to borrow a pencil, and I'm forever grateful that he did.

He also picked the location for our project. Originally, it was supposed to be held at Ashton's house. But apparently, his house was under renovation, so the plan didn't go through. We didn't consider my house because it wasn't even an option. There's no denying that my brothers can sometimes be too overprotective, they would absolutely freak if they found out I had a boy in my room. That's how annoying they were.