I'm sorry Aisha! Listen! We men are idiots, ordinary, that unscrupulous, perky, I don't know why you need us? In fact, you need us for many things... but really we don't deserve love and nothing sincere from nice people. Pfff... I'm talking in vain and again I'm not going anywhere I should, but in fact I have no face, courage and even though I drank enough alcohol to pass out, I know I still find it very difficult, but you at least you should listen to me. I know, I know it's late, the clock is already ticking 02:23 in the morning, but I know that if I do not to tell you tonight, I will never do it again. Will be too late and you won't forgive me. Maybe not even now you won't do it, but I have to show it, share it with you, at least the inner one, because otherwise I'll break down, I'll go crazy! Of course, if I still don't call myself that... How weak a person feels himself at night. He was ready to bring out his dark sides and the good ones too. Now, I even remember one of my colleagues who used to say: "Night is the fairest woman and the most capable psychologist of unraveling it to speak naked in front of her". OK, here I go! You have to listen to me until the end, please. Please hear me and forgive me. If you make it, know that if I die now I will die happy. Must listen to me until the end.Then kick me out, yell at me, do whatever you want with me the wretch. Yes, yes, the wretch, I have become and feel like that. And the moon like that, she was cheering me on with her gaze as I was coming home. Do you know how she looked at me? Just like a homeless piece that asks for alms streets, but no one gives them, not even the bins trash...Ah... I'm starting, but please understand I will try not to give you too many details honey. I have to be a little discreet in my confession, because believe me it should. It's the best for the good of people! Pfff, of course how everything sad or beautiful is always there be done with the past! The past is what grows us, matures us, makes us what we are in the present and shapes us for the future. That's what we're looking for guides and makes us understand the world more well, but it is she who always tempts us. It is that point of poison, the forbidden one we try and we should not consume it not to destroy our lives and yours to others. However, always in men we generally consume it, because we are just dirty geniuses that we don't believe. Yes I speak without gloves and tonight I'm simply showing you reality, nothing more. We deserve it to be called dirty because we are just like that by nature and I don't believe in changing it and not that we differ a lot in this aspect from each other. Then, as I was talking about the past... I'm starting from there in those important years. I was a student in medicine, I was very fond of books, science and everything to do with medicine and its progress over the years. I actually loved school and I never saw it as something difficult or scary like usually the students viewed it. Apart from literature, nothing else scared me. I decided to continue my studies at the medicinal faculty, as I said, I had a dream. I felt that I was born to be a surgeon. I looked more ambitiously at my future in this aspect as I believed in myself and my abilities. I have never been scared by scalpels, human organs or anything that might seem scary to others. Therefore, with full conviction, I see why it took me many years to complete it, I chose it and did not become a fool as my friends told me. Or maybe I became?! Maybe they were right. Anyway.. To be honest, my student life was not anything special. It was simple, without many colors with its parts, the small moments, the love affairs, the idiocy in between. To tell the truth, I only became active in the last year of the faculty, because I was very involved in the world of books and school. I had this kind of determination to learn, because I had come to the metropolis to become someone important, to advance in life, to make my family proud and to be a support for them. We had no economy, but I worked as a sanitary worker in the hospital when I came here years ago. I even got in with a little difficulty. Maybe it sounds funny when you hear it, but there is nothing to laugh about. In addition, I worked as a cleaner in the hospital. Not that I wasn't able to find a slightly better job, but it was the only way I could be as close to medicine and hospitals. I saw from close how everything worked and I learned a lot, but I became pessimistic when I saw how things worked and how incompetent they were in serving the poor people. I had no shame! My mother always told me that no job is a shame. A job that is done honestly is not like that. Just stealing is a shame. When I say steal, I mean it in every sense. My youth years, as I said, weren't that wow. They described me as a handsome boy, but a little closed and scary. I didn't make many friends and I didn't go out much. The first year I didn't work, I lived in a dormitory, my mother took care of me. But when she started to enter menopause, she had some normal health complications like for any woman when she enters that age. Likewise, the death of our father sank her a lot. He worked a lot, because he tried to send me as much food and money as he could earn in the market. What she sent me, I tried to save a lot and send some gifts to her and also my sister, as often as possible, how many times that I was returning to the village. They enjoyed it so much the fact that I used to send them something from the city and they kept it full of love. As for the girls story, I had some here and there but they were not important enough to tell the details. I had some connections, let's say, not exactly like that, after all no one had won my heart. Neither my heart, nor my thoughts, nor my total being. I wondered even to myself how I was so cold towards them, but really no one created any interest in it especially to me. My friend with whom I shared the room, which I continue to have as a good friend even to this day and I share almost everything with him, he used to tell me: - Are you gay, man? How is it possible that didn't you fall in? The one you were going out with was crying for you as much as I know and you didn't tell her anything else but "I'm sorry". You, brother, are only in love with arteries, hearts, valves and aorta. These are your loves. Did mom start you for some other specie? Actually he was right. If I wanted to talk about love and what I dreamed of, in my mind only surgery came. All the more the field of cardiac surgery. Everyone has passions and his desires, some dream of having a lot money, to become singers, businessmen, to be the first in the f ield of having beautiful women by their side, meaning that human nature is very complex and everyone is very different from each other, that's why everyone's desires and passions are different. That's why we are different! Besides the love I had for my profession and study, I was very attached to my family, as I said. My father died from the heart. My family was left with only the two most important women in my life, my mother and sister. They were everything to me. For a single male in the family, the responsibilities were heavier than some other children might have. My father died of a heart attack, or rather for nothing. In the middle of lunch, he had just returned home with my mother, they were talking about the day's rounds in the market. They had a small fruit and vegetable business located in the bazaar down in the village. They supported the whole family with that small business. My father suffered from heart disease and tension, but of course in a place like this, where nothing works, you suffer from something else and the supposedly doctors give you medicine for your stomach! In fact, I don't feel like talking much about this part and I don't know why I remembered it, since it is a part that always touches me, every time I remember it. Boys usually have mommy as a weak spot, but I had him. I was very close to my father, that's why I chose this profession for myself, at his request. By helping people who are unable to see a real doctor, by helping them in any way in terms of health, they would not end up like my father. doctor, for starters, helps by feeling their pain as a human being and then thinking about professional gain. My friend always criticized me: "Sidrit, you have to cheer up, dear brother, life is not just books and libraries. You have to learn to smile and learn how the world works beyond school. He always talked so much, I didn't understand where the hell that boy who never stopped gossiping and always caught up with me, had ended up as my roommate . However, I had to admit that the stupid things he said always made me cringe even though sometimes he didn't say anything correct. He was probably right with his theories that I should enjoy life, learn to smile, have fun, but sometimes life is not the same for everyone. It didn't turn out the way I had dreamed and how I would have liked it to turn out for me in those years, that's why people change, few remain the same because life is selfish and doesn't always offer what you deserve, that's why I was so closed. I was used to comments like: "You are too young to be so serious"; I just listened to them. Sometimes I didn't feel like myself, but deep inside I understood that they were right. I had my own world, I didn't go out often, I almost didn't spend at all for my pleasures, but only for the necessary things. I saved a lot and used those savings to buy some scientific books from the professors and to spoil the two women in my life with some gifts, especially the naughty girl of the house, my sister. To have a serious girlfriend, as they say, I didn't think it was the moment. I had plans for my life and love was not in my plans. Especially to keep a child in the metropolis, of course you had to have some economy and I didn't have that. For a man, the economy is very important to have a relationship with a woman and believe me, I learned this later... So in short, as Dritani used to say, I was my mother's favorite son. Ah, those times! There were times when I was right and had principles. I was in my last year, I had an exam and then the diploma defense. I don't want to brag, but I stood out at the University. In all branches, I was the best, the teachers said I was excellent. I left working in the hospital as a sanitarian , because I became an assistant to a professor who taught me. He was very kind to me and helped me a lot. At the moment he found out that I worked in sanitation, he offered me to become his assistant. It was an assessment against me on his part. I felt privileged. I didn't get tired and learned a lot of new things. He paid me well, I even saved from the salary he gave me. In school, I had scholarships all the years thanks to the high results. Like every end of the year, the students organized a party. I never went to the evening organized by them. Even though it was the last year, I had no intention of going, it seemed like a futile effort. Once I had been and pff... my brain went away, but I had forgotten that my nightmare existed, Dritani that wanted to go. Now he was studying psychology. He started a relationship in his first year at the faculty with a charming girl who was studying philosophy. He had told me that she was local and in a very good economic situation, but even Dritani was not bad. He didn't even bother to work. - "Oh, I'll get a degree and daddy will find me a job, use those friends he has for something good". His father worked in the municipality in a town in the north and had a lot of property there, so he had a dormant mind. Anyway, Tani was very resourceful then and continues to be so. The summer season had come and the sun had no days without smiling. I adored summer. The rays of the sun that fell on me warmed me up a lot when I was sitting in the cafe and making me be somewhat optimistic about life sometimes... The dormitory buildings didn't seem to convey much the heat inside, or so it seemed to me, but an irritating, chatty and impatient voice, they conveyed his voice quite well to my ears, Dritan's voice. When I entered the room, he did some mimicking as only he knows how to do and started shouting repeating these words:
- Please say yes... please say yes... Please say yes... - Not now, - I told him. - Hey, man, why are you being like this, - he said to me nervously. - Listen to me because I need your help. You help that old man you have as a professor, you are also a driver now, thankfully you took your license last summer for him to use you as a personal taxi driver, dotard old man. I rarely got angry or started to yell, but when they spoke to me in this kind of way and insulted me and others, I took them very personally. - Look here, Tan, you're my friend, but don't cross the line. Do not speak in this way and do not offend others, even less to me, because you are a q big boy it doesn't suit you. I worked for him and even am very grateful that he took me close to him especially since he pays me so well. And that I got the license, thanks to him and his salary. Therefore keep your place and don't mess with me, if you want, just share the room and nothing more. -Sidrit, calm down because I didn't say anything big -he went on with a weak and surprised voice at my behavior. - No, you said a lot, but not all of us have fathers to pay us all and some as me work need to sweep hospital corridors or work as a personal taxi driver to " dotard elders" to earn some money. If someone should have a problem with this, it's me. And for as long as I don't have it, you don't have to worry about me, okay brother? - and I left. I didn't remember slamming the door ever as loud or to speak in that tone as high as that day but I know that I went out into the lobby building, I read a little of course because only reading was my antistress and then I returned to the room calmed down. Coming in the room, I could hear messages being sent to the phone without rest, from his friend for sure, but he was turned away from the wall and did not move at all. It was the first time I looked at Dritan so speechless and that upset. I didn't think he would care if he argued with me, but I was wrong. I also layed down on the bed, but I couldn't relax. I got up from the bed and walked across the room, Dritan turned and said to me: - Come Sidrit, forgive me brother. I overdid it, I am very annoying I know as well as talkative, the selfishness and anger of the moment took over me that my fun wasn't accomplished , but I also have to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes. I had never heard him talk so much hurt and seriously in so many years that I stayed with him. He didn't look me in the eye, he touched me to be honest... in those moments I felt that I had gained a friend of character, as much talkative and childish, as well as grown up and mature. After a silence of glances I said: -Thanks for the apology, I really didn't expect it from you, but I also want to apologize, maybe I was too carried away. You're right, I have an idiot type and I don't know anything else about life outside of work, school and books. I don't know how to have fun, I don't know what my youth does, I don't do things of my age, but that's how thing came for me brother! Problems and bombs came at the wrong time and found me so young and they are leaving me with consequences as far as I understand. Sometimes I want to know how to enjoy life, too see what people do, but believe me, I'm not capable! I just don't know. We shook our hands and beat each other's shoulders hugging one another. There I felt exactly that I would have a friend for life, something inside me told me and I believed it. - Come on, let's stop being sentimental now, we're big boys, it's a shame if anyone looked at us, - he said, smiling. After we regained the peace together, I sat down and waited: - Tano, tell me what you wanted! -Oh, never mind, because I don't want to bother you. - Tani... tell me, I don't want to repeat it again as a question. - Yes, my friend, they are having their end of the year evening for the Sciences and Lira wants me to accompany her, but of course I can't go alone, with all those students there; you know, you feel alone! I could take these other friends as well, but they act like greedy when they look at women and they will hunt Lira's friends, they are going to cause me trouble. Come to think of it... those chicks over there act like they were born in America.. One especially is daddy's girl. But anyway, I'm hanging, I'll stay for two hours and come back. - I will come too! - I replied briefly. - What... how... did I hear well or did my ears ring? - Yes. I will come too! - Sidrit, is that you? Or has a friend of Satan entered you in the womb?! - No Tano, I am. I will come! You're right, I should learn how youth life and entertainment is. The world is so big outside, while I am surrounded like an idiot by the walls of the room of the building. I look at their damp walls and I don't understand the air outside. I think I also deserve a night of fun after so many years of never ending school... Dritani jumped up on the bed with its springs finished of the dormitory. - This is "Big Day" old man, - he shouted louder. At nine o'clock we should have been at the bar where the evening was organized. After he showed me the watch, I fell into thoughts and addressed him: - There is a problem, brother! I... how to say it, I don't have a lot of good clothes to go out. You must accompany me to buy shirts, pants eh... I don't know what else is needed in this case. -Eh, eh, now comes the surprise... I was going to corrupt your mind into accepting, so when I bought for myself, I also bought for you, but you were disgruntled and I thought you won't come so I said to myself, no problem, keep it to yourself, we have the same measure at the end. I must have blushed because I felt very awkward in those moments. - No, no, I can't. Thank you very much for thinking about me, but I want to go buy them myself. You just come accompany me! - Again you Mister Self-Respect! Go away, man, leave us alone! It's not that I don't have money, and can't spend it. I had fun and bought you something, after all, you have helped me so many times in my studies and I had my interest... doyou understand? He pulled out of the bag in the meantime, the light blue shirt and the jeans just like I liked to wear them. I was actually very happy, because they were very beautiful and I realized that receiving gifts was a special pleasure not only for women, but also for men. They were very beautiful, as no one surpassed Tan for taste and choice. -You old man! - and put his hand on his forehead - you've become a total star, or as says in other words Lira, "Super Peach". If I were a girl, I would have spent the night with you tonight. Of course, he always managed to bring back my mood. I looked at myself in the scratched mirror of the room. I looked at how much I was decorated. How clothes change a person! That day, I was also happy with myself. Thank God I had shoes. I bought a pair when I started working with the professor, because I only had two pairs of sneakers and one pair was very worn. We had lunch, if you can call that lunch. We bought some pies at the kiosk below the dormitories and we accompanied them with buttermilk, of course. We finished the quick preparations, as we boys do and Tani perfumed me with his old perfume because I certainly didn't have one like that. He took the car keys his father had given to him this year and we left. To tell the truth, I was overwhelmed by emotions. I was like in anxiety. I felt like those children who they go up on their feet for the first time and sometimes they are happy that they are taking steps on their own and at the last moment they stop afraid of falling. - We have the traffic light here and we arrived old man! - Tani told me. He parked the car down the line because at the bar wasn't any free space left and we went on. When we were doing the short walk I felt like really stupid, because when you don't know anything about life, you start and feel sorry for yourself, like in those moments. I tried to hold myself, because it was a shame for a boy. I went inside. Great mess. Only students, boys and girls that were running around like crazy. Terrible! Did they enjoy that state, I wondered? Tani's girlfriend, Lira, was waiting for us inside somewhere as far as I knew, she was with her close friend. Breaking through the crowd, finally Tani saw his girlfriend: - Here she is - he said. - Oh, you finally came, honey! - and jumped at him. She was a little plump girl, but she seemed sincere. She was also a little short. After they hugged, Tani introduced us: - You are the famous Sidrit! - she said, shaking my hand. I saw Tani and answered her by returning the greeting. - I know who I am, Sidriti, but famous, I don't know. Ugh, that day seems a little far away. Anyway, thank you very much. We continued the conversation as much as could be heard over the noise and I just couldn't sleep. I saw that there were also two empty glasses on the table and they had been pushed away. - Ah, - said Lira, - they belong to my friend Maggie, but she is like an endless basket, it is not known where she might be now, on which table she is dancing. - Dito, is it a problem if I steal my sugar and dance to the sounds of Elite? You're not bored, are you? -Absolutely not! Go dance calm. He got lost in the big pile of the track where the evening took place, while I was waiting to finish the first beer. How the hell you can drink alcohol, I didn't understand. I used to drink sometimes, I didn't know how to drink actually. I had just tried them. I felt like such a chicken...you know how I felt? As if I belonged to another world and I was very behind the times! After some moments I started looking for the toilet. Cracking the crowd of people, I accidentally pushed a girl's arm and spilled the drink on her dress. I listened only that one thing in those moments: An irritating voice, ringing in my ear: - Idiooooooot! Where is your mind, dirty peasant? Do you not open your eyes when you pass? Have you ever been in the pub? I turned my eyes away and felt one near me frequent breathing that was mixed with an intoxicating perfume aroma and for the moment I realized that I was totally wasted! I totally lost it when the lights fell and reflected in her green winding eyes and furrowed brows. Only one question was in my mind at that moment: Is she real? There can be such beauty human? I was just looking at her. Her beauty faced the darkness of the environment. It was exactly like those stars look like an overkill in one dark night. - Hey, are you sick or what? - she shouted angrily like those wild cats. - Oh... please forgive me, - and I touched her arm as a forgiving gesture. - You villager, don't touch me, be careful. Tell me, how I will stay like this - and looked at herself. - You tell me, look what you did to my dress! Her red dress was totally wet on the upper part of the chest and some parts in the bottom. Tensed, I apologized again.- I'm sorry, sincerely! I... if you want...I can try clean it... or whatever you want... - How are you going to clean me, you idiot? How? Or with your tongue? Surely peasants like you have dreamed of it, but they can't. She left me with the scent of heru perfume and left nervously, probably to the toilet. Confused totally, I went back to the table. What had made me so dizzy... The beer that I rarely drank, or her beauty that made my whole being shake from the top of the ears to the bottom to the legs. Her red dress over black heels I couldn't get out of my mind. She left me stupid. Maybe she was foreign, an actress? I swear on me that I hadn't seen such a beautiful woman in years... The couple had returned a few minutes ago from their romantic dance and watching me who was lost in thoughts completely. They continued to look and they were smiling. - Hey, Sidrit, are you coming back or not? You saw UFO? - Ah, sorry, I didn't notice you were back! - I answered confused - Maggie is lost, I'm starting to worry! - said Lira. - I'm stressed, because she drank too much. I hope she is well. In the middle of Lira's stressed face for her friend, I felt the intoxicating aroma near my senses. - Oh, here she is, - said Lira. - Maggie, where did you get lost? - she spoke. - An idiot spilled my drink and I ran to the toilet to clean myself. At that moment, our eyes crossed and we both stared at each other like trees. She, of course with her irritating voice, would break the silence: - This one here? What are you doing here? - Why, do you know him? - returned Lira surprised.- How not! This peasant spilled my glass! Tani at that moment, started laughing. - Well, this is what I call a night! - he released the idiotic comment, as he usually does.- Yes, I spilled it, but I apologized immediately....it wasn't something planned... Miss didn't let me help her... - Oh, please, how can you help me?! Or... you peasants have magical abilities and you can dry your dress in the blink of an eye?! - No, I can't do that - I answered - but I would just help you clean... - Hem, - Lira coughed - It seems we started with the wrong foot! This is an unpleasant situation that can happen to anyone. - and she continued with the introduction - Maggie, this is Sidriti, Dritan's roommate. Sidrit, this is Maggie, my friend from the Faculty. - Pleasure! - I whispered in a half-voice like a frightened bird. - I can't say the same - she returned. But of course, in those moments, Tani's closing speech could not be missing. I didn't understand how he was the only person having fun in that situation. In those moments, I didn't know whether to curse myself for going there, or to thank Tan the clown one, which made me look at the face of the most beautiful woman in the world, the most uneducated, the most naughty woman I had ever seen in my life! Almost a quarter of an hour had passed and there was silence at the table. Only the sound of glasses and bottles could be heard. The beautiful young lady was drinking non-stop and only her voice could be heard saying: "- Another one, another one, another one..." I couldn't imagine how a woman could drink as much as she did. Meanwhile, I felt my body covered in cold sweat and Tani who talked non-stop. He took his chick and went back to the dance floor. Of course that during this process he winked at me, laughed at me, mocked me and left me alone in the wolf's mouth. But the wolf, as I understood, was taking my breathe away faster that a murder occurs. The stupid courage told me: "Speak something, open your mouth!" She continued in her trance, crying under the rhythm of the music, and drank with her lips full which touched the pipe. How lucky must feel that plastic part, you could feel the passion and the moisture of her lips. Closed her eyes and continued on in the music which it seemed like she enjoyed it very much, maybe that text also made her remember someone, gave her some emotions from the past, who knows. How stupid! Were these thoughts necessary to me? But I didn't understand, eh I had to avoid thinking about these things thing, when in the meantime I saw everyone's eyes upon her, the waiters, the students, bartender! Surely the women envied her because of her timeless beauty. It started annoying me that I sat like a piece of meat and didn't do nothing to break the silence. I gathered my strength and I thought of touching her shoulders for her to turn around. She took a frightened step and jumped: -Oh my God! Tonight you have decided to be my nightmare! It sounded funny to me. I didn't understand why I had to laugh with the behavior she did. Her face, facial expression, nerves, gave me a feeling as if I had in front of me a sweet treat that I could eat. I couldn't get rid of her features and simply adored her. - Look here - I was serious. - Listen Miss Maggie, you're right! Tonight, I may have really been your nightmare, but I didn't do it on purpose. To be honest, I felt very bad about what happened. I'm just asking for your forgiveness. I don't know what else to do. She blinked her eyes once, and continued looking at me. She kept a straight but calm look, while she put down her drinking glass, became serious and spoke: - Okay, okay - she said as if annoyed - I forgive you, just because you acted as a victim. - I thank you! Now, can we talk, because there is no fun like this in silence. - Are you serious? - and smiled again. We both talking? I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to talk as a friend with a thick boarder like your job, and to tell you the truth, you're not as bad as others of your rank. You are handsome in your features, you have very neat... clean face, black eyes, shoulders... All this, she was saying it to me in a caressing voice. I couldn't believe it, because she was complimenting me in her own way. Meanwhile, that perfume so close to me in those moments was making me go crazy and after a few minutes of looking, she said: - Don't mind me, I talked too much, alcohol does that sometimes, - she added and started drinking again. Until that day, I had never been interested in the opinion of any woman as much as hers in these moments. Those words that she could have said as compliments in vain, made me feel so high, so good, they brought silence back to me. Maggie turned her focus to a couple that passed us. There were a boy and a girl hands locked with each-other. She frowned, clenched his jaws and said to me: - Will you invite me to dance? I opened my eyes and I didn't understand, was she really inviting me to dance, or was I just imagining this fragment?! - Look here! - she paused, and returned the drinking glass to the bottom. I want to dance because my ex just passed before my eyes, pretending to be happy with that idiot in his arms. Since you are not bad looking, I want him to think that we are in love. Just come dance. Agreed? She said all these words to me without a problem, without shame, with a tone of disgust and as if... out of trouble... let's dance. At some moments, I wanted to laugh at her words, but in the meantime I felt like slapping her and make her eyes sparkle. What was I? Her dice, so that she could use me against her ex? She pulled me by the arm, and put me in the middle of the crowd, of course close to them. It became an awkward situation, since the beautiful lady was looking at her famous ex all the time, while that girl looked away from her current boyfriend and kissed him to keep him close to her. "Pfft how strange these young people are." - I thought. Not that I was old, but they seemed like childish things to me, I wasn't used to these type of stuff. Meanwhile, I put my hands on her waist and I couldn't believe that my hands were touching her beautiful waist. Her scent seemed to wash my hands from the dirt and my brain was flying in the smell of her hair. Was I dancing in reality, or was it really me, Sidriti, who was feeling these emotions, which unlike the school books, I did not know how to describe? All the years of my school came before my eyes and they seemed to me to be easier to explain, than to explain those things that I was feeling, which were straining my whole body. She acted like being upon thorns. She kept quite a distance from me and I noticed that she felt a little uncomfortable. Meanwhile she didn't take her eyes off her ex. I was getting a little angry at him for no reason, and this situation started to stress me out a little too much. Look, I'm not good at dancing. I don't know how to! - I said, gently leaning into her ear. I made this move to feel more her sensuality near me. To understand the shape of her ear in the middle of that darkness. I wanted to feel every part of her body and to stare endlessly at that perfect image. - I see it, I see it - she said, removing my head, - you are totally incompetent! What do you know how to do? Did you realize that you were born in vain? This time, her tone was angry, but angry indeed, the difference this time was this anger came as a result of her ex and she was blowing it away on me. Of course I couldn't take it anymore and this thing irritated me more than I could bear. Maggie smelled alcohol and drinking made her even worse, meanwhile I didn't want to let go because it felt good to have her so close and other men's eyes, for sure were jealous in those moments. They were not at fault! How they really wanted to be in my place! - I don't understand how he stay with her! - she told me with her drunk voice. -Why? - I asked her. - I don't understand why he stay with her, she's so ugly, but I understand that he does it because of my anger! Surely that witch is after him. In fact, that girl was nothing, she couldn't compare with Maggie's beauty, but because of the anger I had with her, I said: - Actually, she doesn't look bad! Pretty cute girl. - Oh? - she returned looking at me with her winding eyes. What do you even know come on! You are stupid! Then... how would you know? Even more, who asked for your opinion? Tell me thank you, that I'm giving you the chance to dance with me, alright? You don't have to do anything else, even less giving me useless thoughts. She talked and talked without stopping in her thin voice and shook her head her nerves and that went to one side from alcohol. While I took my hand from her waist and stopped her head with one hand, I pulled her close to me and kissed her. Yes, I kissed her! I don't know with what courage I did, I don't know even where the hell did I get the courage, the right, jealousy, all that I was feeling, I collected all these together and I kissed her. I kissed her as I had never kissed a girl in my life. I kissed her with all the passion that I didn't know I even had. I kissed her with desire and fire of the biggest hormones that one man can feel. My lips had the fate of her drinking pipe. They felt the taste of the sweetest lips on the world. My tongue navigated the tastiest mouth on the planet. She pushed me! I was so lost together with my passion inside her lips and I continued to kiss her, I held her closer to me and it looked like she was finally returning the kiss. Our bodies had become one at that moment and it was as if she was mine. As if it was something that had always belonged to me. I continued to enjoy that magic, until she reflected and detached from me! I opened my eyes and in the f lickering light that broke away from time to time, I saw that the lipstick was no longer on her lips, as I had taken the taste and color from them. Her serpentine green eyes widened and her breathing quickened. At that moment I was expecting a slap as it happens in movies after such an action, but surprisingly she just looked at me strangely. At that moment I came to Earth and realized that I did it stupidly even though I had to do it and I didn't know how to react. I rubbed my head from stress and narrowed my eyes. If I were in a room full of light, everyone would understand my face looked like a red pepper. I could only see her ex's eyes staring at me like arrows and the happy face of his girlfriend. I looked at Maggie, the beautiful young lady staying next to me who did nothing but open and close her eyes. "I fucked it up, - I said to myself, I totally fucked it up!" I just needed to apologize. - Maggie... ahem... you have the right to do whatever you want to me, I overdid it tonight, you must forgive me. Even, even, don't forgive me at all. Who am I to forgive me? My action is unforgivable. The shirt started to constrict me, I was feeling very hot, the sweat floating on my forehead like a boat in a league. I'd better run... I have to run! It seemed to me the only solution in those moments. If I ran away, I would at least get some fresh air. I dug through the crowd of people with my hands, found the exit and felt the air. I looked up at the sky, I was awake, I was alive, it was not a dream. I couldn't believe it! It was a truth that happened, an idiotic scene maybe, but what happened, happened... How strange we humans are. We want and do actions that we tell others not to do, but with our mind, we want to. I wanted escape from my thoughts, but venting to myself didn't help either, and at that moment I was overcome by sadness. I don't understand why I should be gripped by that sense of futility that was accompanied by the vertigo of night insects around my head, together with their irritating songs, and it seemed to me that I was translating their mouths and they were mocking me. With that huge knot in my stomach, I started to get to my feet to leave there. I wanted to run away to my room. To return to my life, to be "Me"! To return to my den, to my books, in my finished bed, where I I felt and where I really belonged. A few more hours and the night would end. Everything would end in vain, as it began. I took my feet towards the road down when a voice, of course her voice that I knew so good now, called from behind: - Sidrit! Wait! - and ran with her steps towards me. I couldn't believe that she called me and was rushing towards me. - Idiot! How did you leave me alone in the middle of the track?! - Look Maggie! I'm sorry, but I'm not well. You have every right to tell me what you want! Scream at me! I promise I will never appear in front of you again. Never! You will never see me again! You will never see the face of this villager who dared to come kiss you without recognition, without the right to do so. She just looked at me. Her eyes, in the light of the sky looked so wonderful, so special, oh what a look! What were those eyes that looked at me like that?! She, with her suffered face expression, drunk and me who felt like a raft bowed before such a beauty. - Have you ever been told that you are too handsome? You are a man, so handsome! I froze. Of course those words said by her lips made me happy beyond measure, but I knew that she was drunk. - Okay, okay, beautiful lady. Thank you for the compliment, but it would be better if we go, because you're drunk! Again her serpentine eyes stared at me like poison on my whole being. When she looked at me like that drunk, for a moment it seemed so sweet to me, so different, so dear... Maggie broke the silence and said to me: - Please, kiss me again. My whole body in those moments shivered... entirely... it was not possible. Maybe I was also drunk. Those words of hers were too good to be true. Maggie repeated herself again: - Sidrit the villager, I politely requested you to kiss me again! Kiss me! In those moments, I did think if it was a dream or reality, I just sped up, caught the moment and I made her lips mine again. Her lips returned the kiss without fear, full of passion she was released into my arms more free and it was like those sweets that are served delicately to be eaten straight into the mouth. I forgot who I was, where I was and what I wanted. For one boy like me in those days, one kiss from such beauty was a dream. I felt too like I was drunk. I was intoxicated by the smell of her perfume. Her lips were like the worst drug, cleaner with amazing effects on me. I don't know how much minutes we were standing like that. She left slowly and our lips parted and Maggie said: - Shall we go somewhere else? I was lost in those moments... That night was the most beautiful night I had ever experienced, and it came very unexpectedly. - Ok... ok... let's go...- I answered totally confused. What else could I say in those moments? How could I say it? Money, thankfully, I had in my pocket, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure within myself for what she could be thinking? Where she wanted to go? In a hotel? Or in a 24-hour cafe?- Where do you want to go? - I asked bluntly. - In a place where you and I can be! - she answer me. I realized that she meant a hotel and I got ready to call a taxi. - Why, don't you have a car? - she told me. - No!- was my answer. - Then... take mine - she told me in her drunken tone. - Or you don't even have a license? - Yes I have. - I answered coldly. - Since I can't drive in this state, then you drive, Mr. Peasant. I opened the door of her small car and we got comfortable. She entered and the silence occupied us until I stopped at the nearest hotel across the highway. We passed the reception and went up the stairs. I still couldn't believe what had happened to me during such a few hours. I was in a hotel alone with the most beautiful girl of the evening. She threw the bag on the bed and sat down. It had been very quiet in the car. At that moment I didn't know what to do, maybe she had changed her mind and I didn't want to force her for anything. - Maggie, are you okay? Do you want us to go? It's not a problem.... we can leave. -No no! I just feel a little nauseous, let me rest for a bit. I took the steps towards the toilet and got in there to cool off. Maybe take a shower, so it would wake me up from that dream. I was not one man who had passed many women through hands, but for my age, somehow sufficient. I know what to do, I mean. But, with a girl like Maggie, it was the first time that I felt in such a situation. I finished my shower and went straight to the room. She had fallen asleep. She looked like those mermaids of the seas and her craziness now had turned into calmness. The poison of her piercing eyes was now hidden. Her hazel hair had fallen over shoulder and covered her face a little. She would also give you the impression of a child. I never got tired of looking at that sight. Maybe even years I would pass by and look at her like that...that...so mesmerizing. It looked so wise, as if the bed she was sleeping at that moment was the desert and she was in need only for protection. At some point her phone rang. Of course, I'm talking about the last type of phone and in the photo it was clear that it was Lira. Surely she was worried about us, I completely forgot that it was necessary for me to let Tani know also. Maggie woke up startled by the ring and blinked. She opened the phone and answer: - What Lira? No, I came home, I had a little drink, see you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight. - Yes, I understood, - I answered. - She asked me if I was still there, because she had left to stay with Tani alone.- Ah! Okay. - I told him that I am at home. - Yes, I heard it. - I couldn't tell her... - No problem, I understand. At that moment, I heard the sound of my old Samsung signaled I had gotten a message. I took it out of my pocket for the first time and to be honest, I was embarrassed. And I didn't understand why I was so embarrassed around her, why I should feel so inferior. It was a message from Tani. "Brother, I'm sorry for disappearing from the party like that, but I ran away with my chick for a bit. I hope you weren't too stressed out by Miss "Annoying Barbie". I know you won't forgive me. Talk to you tomorrow bro" - Hahaha! What a phone - she told me - not even my grandmother has one like this. I smiled and said: - Well... I got one. Here you are in front of the man who has it like this. She did not comment. - My head is burning! - and she caressed it angrily. - Shall I go out and buy you a pain reliever? - No... no, I don't use medicines. My father tells me if you use painkillers, then you always become dependent on them. - Your father is right, but in some cases they are needed. Silence prevailed again. - How strange this night seems to me! I don't even understand how did everything happen. Like a movie or not?! - Beautiful things happen like this... within a few in moments everything changes. - I wouldn't even think that it would ever happen me being here...with you...in front of you in a hotel. - Hahaha - she was laughing with her eyes half closed from the drink. - Neither me, Maggie, nor me.. - But, the strange thing, do you know what is Mister Sidrit? That I feel good. I don't know, have I ever felt as good as now. I don't feel guilt or bad either. Just good. - Maybe you have felt but just can't remember now. I mean about the ex. I didn't even understand why the hell I had to do that comment that wasn't mine to make, but as an imbecile, I did it, I couldn't hold it. Hahaha, ex?! Yes, I felt good, for that short period I stayed with him. But I didn't feel this strangely. You make me feel weird. Your image seems so familiar, so close to me. The skin, the black eyes have so much mystery that you get lost in their mystery. Who are you? How did you show up so suddenly and with kisses? Why did I feel so weird when you kissed me? Why am I so attracted to you? Why do I want you to kiss me again and again?Her hand caressed my chin, my hair, my ears, my neck. I closed my eyes and felt the softness of her f ingers as she passed my face as if she was painting it. I kissed her. My body lit up. She managed to create that kind of situation to me especially with her passionate voice, her frequent breathing raising her breasts above her as I kissed her. I caressed her neck with my lips. It was totally driving me crazy. Clearly! She made me crazy! Bending over I started tracing her beautiful and smooth legs. Her shoulders were an Amazon where you could stay and dream that life is a masterpiece and it's worth sacrificing for them. With frequent breathing, our bodies already naked, they became one. I remember the exclamations she made speaking sweetly: "Make me yours, make me yours..." ...and I made her mine with the entire passion that possessed me. Now, everything I owned belonged to her with all the depth one male can feel, like passion, maybe even that other feeling. Her sweet whispers after those moments stopped. I breathed happily. I had never enjoyed an act like that. I had never enjoyed a woman's body in that form. I kissed her forehead and took her close to me. She, was now like a gentle lamb, shorn by the flames of passion that we had experienced, as two crazy people in bed. As I looked at her in my arms, her legs, her body, her beautiful waist, breasts. I looked at her incomparable nakedness. If my life ended there, I would be very happy. If they had talked to me about love and it seemed to me something mysterious, an illusion without sense, it seems to me that soon I would know it, I would also know how to talk about it. - Meg! Thank you! I mean tonight I just feel like the happiest man in the world. I want to believe that this was not a dream you beautiful mermaid, you are truly resting in the sea of my heart. She smiled lightly and answered: - It's not a dream, no, but life is that mysterious Sidrit, just for a moment... just one moment is enough and everything changes. The world of our destiny is very beautiful. We should learn how to play with it, not the opposite, letting it play with us. - Well, well! You spoke exactly like a philosopher, a serious one also. - Correct mister future surgeon. Or not? - How well you remembered this part from your accountants. - I answered with a chuckle. She pretended to be irritated, as she realized that I had gotten her. Regardless of the fact that that night was a dream that I didn't know how to explain, I had to come back to reality, in fact just to capture the reality of the current situation, because in reality I was living. As I caressed her and felt her body scent, I asked: - Meg, what will happen to the two of us? - Oh, what was this question Sidrit? how is this the right moment to ask! - I don't believe it's an inappropriate time Meg. I just want to know. It is true that we the two of us haven't even known each other for twenty-four hours yet, but I feel like I have never felt. Maybe you will laugh as I say it, but I really feel this feeling so big that I don't know what to name it. In everything that comes to my mind and I feel, I mostly have only one phrase that I feel; that I don't want to lose you. Do you understand that you drive me crazy? Drive me into madness! It makes me feel different, it makes me feel alive, as if I really live and I don't even feel ashamed admitting it, nothing at all I just want to admit it. You created me the feeling of existence. I felt emotions that I was skeptical I would ever feel. Meg, do you think you can have something with me? - Why do you have to ask such questions Sidrit, I don't understand?! - Because I feel like doing it, I have to do it. Look, I know I'm not at your standard, I understand. You probably have many criteria and you are right, you are a woman after all. I never make promises, but I promise you that I will do my best to be worthy of you. I am an ambitious person and somehow I will manage to create a good future for myself and for who is going to be by my side. You, Meg, will say that it is too soon to talk about these things, and I would say the same thing, because I did not think that I could ever feel this way about any woman. I'm a bit closed off. My life is family and school. My life had a plan. I have worked and am working to support my family and finish school. I never thought that it could happen to feel like a child jumping off the ground for a girl I just met. I thought these things were far away. I did not have a busy student life. I don't have much of an active life with women. I have had very little history, if you can call it that. Their number does not exceed the fingers of one hand, but enough to have the experiences that we men need. Maybe I look like a vain person. Maybe I'm not your taste. Maybe I don't know about life, I'm not as outgoing as your friends or I don't know what else. So, I tell you all these things, because I don't know how to be shifty, that's who I am. I have known you for only a few hours that you entered my life and I feel like you have cast a spell on me. Your eyes confuse me, block my brain, give me frequent beatings and I always have that feeling that I never want to let you go. We are both at an age where we are neither too old nor too young to think about the future to choose our life partners, so if you see it reasonable... of course think it... I would really like a "Yes" to try, if we would be able to create something together. I promise you with all my heart that I will try not to disappoint you. After I told her all this, I was impatiently waiting for her answer. What she would say out of her mouth. - How sincere you are! You are so readable! Look... I am used to be a girl always loved by men, but never have I spoken to a boy as honest and sincere as you. May I say even that there are no such boys these days. I'm surprised how mature you are and really your parents should be proud for a boy as good as you! - meanwhile she was playing with my hair and whispering to me. - Actually, my dad has passed away, but my mom and sister are happy that they have me, but I am more for having them. They are everything to me. - Ah, I feel sorry for your father. Condolences. Why did it happen? - From the heart and the amazing doctors. - Aaa... now I understand, that's why you chose medicine? I think now your father should be twice proud where he is for you. - I don't know, I wish anyway. I also don't doubt that your family is proud to have a mermaid girl, such a perfect beauty! They should feel happy! - Hahaha... Yes! I also have a younger sister which they is more spoiled by the family of course, they spoil him a but daddy leaves his head for me. He is my idol. My mother is like a close friend to me. While my father adores me. He has completed absolutely every possible request of mine. I have never felt it until today the weight of any major problem thanks to him. Not that I have had a troubled life so far. I am his weak point. Now he expects from me to continue my master's degree and of course find a good husband for the future. More precisely, it's my mother's dream, because my father doesn't care much about this part. He was a doctor. Now he is a teacher. He teaches in many faculties, such as in public universities, even in private ones. He has lectured outside the country too. He has wandered so much. He wanted me to choose the field of medicine, but I wasn't built for it. I have always liked the social branches, books, Freud, and I wanted philosophy. He didn't stop me. "- If this is a branch you know how to do good - he told me - then continue!" He is authoritarian. At home, everything will be done according to his say. With others, he is strict but with me it doesn't happen. With me he's just careful. - Understand! So you're daddy's girl. You look so beautiful when you speak Meg. I'm glad you're such a sweetheart and spoiled by your father and your family. You are one thing so beautiful that you deserve nothing but love and spoiling. But one thing surprised me. You told me, your father was a doctor, now he is a teacher. Perhaps I may have followed one of his lessons? - Ah, I don't know, his name is...- and she stopped because her phone rang again. She had every contact saved with a photo. It was a man that she was kissing on the cheek. No, no, there was no way! It couldn't be him! - Yes pa'! - she answered. - Well, now the party is over, I had fun. Now I'm in the toilet, I'll come as soon as possible. Why did you disturb your sleep, daddy? Do not worry. I didn't drink much. No worries, I will come myself. Otherwise I would have notified you! I kiss you dad. - It was my father! He got hiccups for sure mentioning him. He was worried about me. Since he thinks I'm still at the party, he's afraid I am going to drive drunk. He doesn't like cars at all. They are simply necessary and he uses them out of trouble. Hey Sidrit! Where did you got lost? What's wrong? Did you see any ghosts? - Meg! Is your father really the one in the picture? Are you sure? - Hahaha..! Idiot! Do you think I don't know him? Are you okay? Of course it's my dad. We even look alike. My mood was totally down at that moment. This could not happen to me. This was a shock that told me: "Wake up Sidrit!" Now I wish I hadn't been born. I blushed from shame and embarrassment. Cold sweats covered my forehead. - Meg! I...I....I know him. I mean your father! - No wonder. Everyone knows him. - Meg! He hired me! I am your father's assistant, sometimes also a driver.- What? - she widened her eyes and couldn't believe her ears. - Sidrit, are you the boy he praises when there are discussions about students at home? That super smart, excellent, scholarship boy and who he took with him to motivate him? Drenched in sweat, I simply nodded. - Oh, how nice! I mean, I'm in bed with my father's student assistant. Well Bingo! Well done Sidrit! - Hey, look, I swear I knew absolutely nothing! - No, I believe you, but you should have told me first! - My girl, how could I say it...how was I supposed to know?! We didn't discuss it. - This is terrible Sidrit, now I feel like I'm inside a telenovela series. Me in bed with my father's servant. - Hey Meg! Careful! Keep your mouth shut and be careful with the way you express yourself! I tolerate you because firstly you are a girl, secondly I like you a lot, but I have done absolutely nothing to insult me. If you think that to be employed means to be a poor servant, forgive me and let's end it without starting. - Sidrit! What's got you on fire like that? That's how I can express myself. -No! It is not worthy to be addressed in this way. You offended me Maggie. I'm going crazy. I don't know what to think about this situation. You have no idea of the shame I feel, but you tell me, can I change this situation? I cannot. This is the fate that you mentioned earlier. Apparently it is playing with us. She changed. She became nervous, she couldn't hold herself in one place. She was stressed. In fact, I didn't understand how the hell it happened to be his daughter. Why? Why her exactly? This would be very difficult. But on the other hand, I had a great desire to have Meg. That thought, that desire gave me strength. I felt like I could fight anyone just to have her beautiful, soothing and passionate face, absorbent as only she had in my arms forever. Lost in thought, she finally spoke: - Sidrit, we better keep it a secret this night and our acquaintance for some time. I mean do not comment it with Tani, nor with anyone. Let's get to know each other once, then we'll tell them. Shall we keep it a secret for a while? What do you say? - and she caressed my face. - If you will always caress me like this, how can i say no? - Scrounger! - Meg, if I feel you so close, I can keep it a secret as long as you want. It is enough for both of us to get to know each other and continue the journey together. You're like a drug in my veins now Meg. I don't know what you did to me, but you turned into an important person so quickly that I'm afraid of losing you. It has nothing to do with the euphoria of the moment. It is something deeper that is felt to the end of the soul and dreams of infinity. I'm feeling alive right now, do you understand? I exist. She kissed my face again and caressed me and told me that we had to leave. We left. She knew how to drive very well and stayed focused. She sent me near my dormitory: - Do you want me to leave you here or not? - and she casted a disdainful glance around the place. - Yes here. - I answered. We exchanged contacts. She gave me a quick kiss and drove away. I was left on the road alone with my thoughts. What was life? A moment, many moments or nothing? Did anyone else in the world feel the way I felt? Or not? Or yes? What was it that I felt? Wasn't that what everyone was talking about? I don't really know how others feel, everyone feels it in different ways. I, for example, don't know how to explain it. I just wanted to scream louder. I stared at the sky, forming her face with the clouds. I saw the trees, remembering her body. The sound of footsteps reminded me of her irritating voice. Everything in nature resembled the meandering-eyed Maggie. If thinking of a person in every situation, every place, every step you take means love, then was I in love? Meanwhile, I heard the sound of a message on the phone: "I got home, I'm fine. Thank you for making me feel so different tonight. I feel very comfortable talking and sitting next to you. I don't know where you sprouted, where you came from, but I wish you are going to stay always by my side. My life needs a boy like you. The feeling you give me makes my life easier. Good night, kisses. Maggie." After reading this sweet message, I layed down on my modest bed and reread and reread her message. What a lucky man I felt! I texted her back: "My beautiful mermaid! Thank you for giving me the most wonderful night ever. Your scent still lingers deep in my body and in my senses. Oh my charmer, who conquered my mind and heart. Much kisses. I wish my dreams would send me to you." I left the phone under the pillow. I was smiling and looking at the ceiling above and the spiders that had created their houses. My heart was beating differently. I felt tired. I closed my eyes for a few hours simply with the great hope and the desire to wake up and live again the beauty of Maggie's being. To feel again the dose of magic that girl gave me. I closed my eyes, after so many years... HAPPY. I woke up! It was twelve past noon. I heard Tani's steps as he entered the room. - Oh, you're sleeping! You woke up so late, old man?! - I slept a little late, that's why. - You slept late? Don't tell me... Maybe you were with some chick last night? - No, Tano, I just... ran away from that noisy place and strolled a little. He gave me a surprised look. He didn't believe me much. He understood when I lied, even more me strolling in the middle of the night. But he cut it short, didn't consume the conversation. He knew that I was very closed off when it came to my personal life. - Hey, Sido! I'm sorry for leaving like that last night and to tell you the truth, I know you're going to give me a cold treatment, but that's how things went. I totally lost my mind with my chick old man! We missed each other and decided to run away together. So are women my friend, they blow your mind away and I was captured by the moment. - No problem. Things that happen, I understood that you wanted to be alone. - Hey, what about that "annoying barbie", did she bother you anymore? How did you end up with her type at a situation like that brother?! Lira had told me that she was naughty, but to be honest, she was very spoiled, like she was the prime minister's daughter, so concieted! Although I have to admit she was very sexy old man, her backside though... oh mother oh mother! Let's not talk about the face. Can't deny what she had. - How carefully you saw your girlfriend's friend Tano! - I said, madly in those moments of jealousy which seemed to get out of me from the ears, from the eyes, from the nose...everywhere. - Now, we are men Sido! How to deny what I see?! I can't deny it! She was sexy. But my chick is better. I'm glad I have it. - Ah, you'll never learn, well, at least you are in love with Lira. As for that Maggie she didn't bother me anymore, because she left. But, you're right, she was pretty. - Finally I heard you praise a chick! I swear, old man, you looked like gay sometimes. Anyway, fortunately you're not annoyed with me because I was worried. - I'll forgive you if you did me a favour. - What now?! Oh, what has happened?! You are are you looking for a favour from me?! Are you sure that God didn't toss a piece of cloud to smack you in the head because you are not in a clear state of mind?! Because you look very happy, when you were supposed to be irritated after that night out of your type! - Whatever man, what's done is done. Even things outside the daily routine are needed sometimes. The honor I wanted to ask you is to accompany me buying new clothes. (Silence) - Are you Sidrit? - Yes Tani yes, I am! - You, Sidriti, are asking me to come to the store so you can buy clothes for yourself and not for your mom and sister?! They honestly gave you drugs, brother. - Now will you accompany me or not? - Oh yes, I am definitely surprised, brother, how are interested in shopping for clothes when you never spend money on them?! The rags you have are enough for you. - Tani they are not rags! They are called clothes. - You made me happy, for God's sake! For the first time you are thinking about yourself, I don't understand where this zeal came from?! Come on, let's go to the shopping center. whenever you want. - Okay, let's go! - I told him. - Hey Sido! Maybe you liked yourself last night with the outfit I gave you looking like a king... and now you are feeling excited? - Yes, yes, this is it, come on now. Actually, Tani was right. I rarely bought things. I had very few clothes. I didn't even have a fashion sense. I didn't even care about the dress. They just seemed like necessary things until I got to know Meg. She was taught differently. I couldn't go out with her as a peasant in old clothes. Luckily I had saved money. I sent a part to my mother and sister even though they didn't want to. But I also had some savings by for myself on the other side. This time if it were possible, I would spend their part as well, because I had to pay for the importance of clothing. I bought a lot of clothes. I also bought a graduation dress. I even bought one perfume. When I bought the perfume, Tani told me: - I wish you would tell me who that chick is who made you do this, old man, because I have spent so many years trying and I couldn't get you to! I will give her my hand. I didn't comment on that moment at all, I only smiled. It was the first time I had spent so much money for clothes and personal belongings. I spent a very good part of my savings that I was not supposed to have done, but so Maggie would like me and to not feel bad when she went out with me, I was able to do anything and I didn't care about money. I was looking forward to the afternoon to meet her. After that tiring morning, we ate in the canteen near the building. We had our favorite canteen even though there were many canteens around, we always ate at Plake's canteen, there we enjoyed the cooking. We were familiar with him. The hour of the afternoon came and I was going to meet Meg. Yes I was looking forward to the hour. I felt like a child who couldn't wait for mom to pick him up from kindergarten or when they promised to send him to the toys. I took a shower and put on my new clothes. Of course I also sprayed some perfume. I did not buy an original perfume because they were expensive, but I got one with a good smell which Tani chose for me with a reasonable price. I went out happy. I was looking forward to the moment I would see her again. My heart was pounding. Sometimes it seemed to me that I had more emotions than that night. With my last savings I went into a store accessories and I got a key ring with a snake and a red rose. It looks like a strange gift perhaps, because the idea - snake, but so were her eyes like the skin and the cold gaze of a snake. Her meandering eyes had conquered my heart and its poison never would kill me! I was convinced. So, I thought about it as a caressing and funny word. With that word I completely penetrated her femininity, her gaze, everything that went through her I compared it to the power of a snake. Dangerous and passionate, but deeply enigmatic, soft, fragile and cowardly. I took the wrapped gift and left. I was not at all sorry for the money I had spent. Now I had only one wish. To fill her with gifts and spoil her endlessly. She deserved it for the happiness she gave to my being. I finally got there. I found the cafe asking around. I didn't think there was such a deep and enclosed coffee. It didn't take long and from the glass my eyes saw her. Her golden hazel hair with her small head in a pair of blue shorts that showed off her legs so beautifully and a white molded boater that revealed her shoulders that my lips had caressed last night. When she entered, the whole bar stared at her. Boys admired her while girls were jealous of her beauty. She smiled lightly, saluted me and sat down. Ah! It filled my heart and I never got tired looking at her face. The eyeliner that she had put on emphasized the color of her eyes so much, believe me, I wanted to poke her with a fork and eat them right there. - Meg! You look really pretty. - Thanks Sidrit. In fact, I qas just about to compliment you! You have become very handsome today. The perfume is a very good choice. - Oh thank you! - I answered back. In fact, I was embarrassed, but I felt released that she liked me, because I was anxious. I owned Tani a coffee for his big help choosing the clothes and everything. As I caressed her hands, I could see that she was feeling stressed and her eyes were wandering around. As if she didn't want anybody to see her. - Meg, are you okay? - Yes, I'm fine. I was just checking if there's anyone I might know. - Why would it be a problem for anyone you know to see you associated with me? - This has nothing to do Sidrit! It's just not the right moment. I made it clear last night I think. Do I have to repeat it again? - Ok! Sorry, you're right. How are you today? How do you feel from last night? - Okay, a little strange. I haven't stopped thinking about the evening. I feel different. I did not think that I would be in such a dilemma and everything would come with such difficulty. - You are right. It all happened so fast, Meg. I know nothing will be simple. But I know that when I see you, everything becomes easier for me. Do you understand you're peace to my being? And salvation for my heart? Meg, I may sound like an idiot, but I feel like maybe... I love you! She gave me a gentle look and passed her hand around my face as she usually did. - Ah, Sidrit! I feel myself when I'm with you! You make me feel complete. I adore your physique that looks so fit. Your black and deep eyes. Your fair character, your maturity. I understood a lot about you, on one night. You cause me big particles of passion that multiply and multiply and I feel that... I love you. Yes, yes... I love you! What could I do in those moments?! I wanted to die of happiness! I heard those words from that girl and my heart trembled. I hugged her tightly, hiding my head in her beautiful neck and I never wanted to let her go. I prayed to myself for something. God, don't ever remove this fragrance from my senses! - Hey Sidrit! You are killing me! She was right. I had hugged her a lot, I hurt her a little unintentionally. I was lost in the of the wonderful calming smell of her neck until the phone rang. It was her mom. - Answer it Meg! - No no! I'll call her later. - she told me. Her mother rang the bell again, and again, and again. Finally she opened it. She answered: - Yes ma... I'm out... We will talk about it when I return home. Agreed? - she hang up irritated. - What happened Meg? Did she tell you something? - No nothing. I just get annoyed when they pick me up continuously. - but I understood that she lied to me, because she hang up very revolted. For one night, I had begun to understand her and I knew her facial expressions well, more than I thought. It was clear that she was disturbed by the phone call, so I did not continue. While we were stroking each other, I was enjoying her paradise. She spoke slowly, breaking the moment of silence between us: - Sid, I'm sorry but I have to go home. I'm sorry I didn't spend much time with you. Does it bother you? - Meg, you don't even have to ask these type of things! I wouldn't want to be separated from your tenderness even for a second. But I understand that the family is looking for you and there is no problem. Just first let me give you something. I took the red rose and the gift from the chair. - For me?! Oh so cute! Red is my favorite color. The rose is a very beautiful bud. Thank you! What about the other one? - and she opened it excitedly. - Hahaha a keychain with a snake?! - You didn't like it didn't you? (it seemed to me that I gave her an idiotic gift, I thought). - No! Calm down, don't tense, but it's the first time I am gifted a... snake. I do not had received a gift with such a symbol. - Look, I gave it to you because last night I called you meandering-eyed and your everything: look, skin, attitude, you have the dangerousness and the beauty of a snake. You have the poison and the bitter but mild. And you are a snake with the poison that I never want to lose. I want you to kill me every day, because you don't scare me. She heard me with a flame in her eyes and gave me a passionate kiss. Every time she kissed me, my entire being burned. Ah Meg, Meg what have you done to me? - I can't wait to have you in my arms again! - These days I promise that we will stay alone. I have to go now, - she said. - Should I accompany you? - No, there is no need. - Yes, Maggie, there is! - Sidrit, I'm not a baby! I also don't to be seen. This is not the moment. Actually, the fact that she had to do the road alone and without a car bothered me. I knew that there would be no man left without flirting and this got on my nerves. At the end this was normal, because she was female. Women are created to be admired. But I certainly didn't conceive this. I felt that I was very jealous and it was not a good thing. I had to learn how to cope with the idea of how a relationship should work healthily without idiotic jealousy scenes. I had to be at peace with my own mind about this. - OK! Let me know when you arrive. -Yes, of course. Thanks for the gift, you are very romantic. - It was a pleasure, my mermaid. - Actually it was the first time I gave something to a girl who I was getting to know and it was nice that it was Maggie the right one. I went to the building to work a little for the last exam I had and after that I had the thesis defense. I reached the room. Tani wasn't there. I talked a little with my mother and sister who were soon going to come to my graduation ceremony. I hear the sound of a message from Maggie. "I made it. See you later." At that moment, I thought of her father. What would I do?! That thing was stressful. Certainly I had to leave that job. It didn't make sense to continue working with him while in the meantime I was dating his daughter without his knowledge. It was embarrassing and this was eating me a lot from the inside. I felt very ashamed in front of him, but I also couldn't leave Maggie. She was now like a drug to me. How the world and my life changed during one night?! She made all this magic possible. That's why I couldn't let her go for anything in the world. I'd rather leave work and that's it. Whereas I had to look for another job. After I finished my internship at the hospital, they seemed to like me, maybe they take me there for a few hours of work like a helping hand. I don't know...I don't know...a big...big problem it was. But, I had to do one thing of course. I was meeting the teacher the next day and urgently give my resignation, because my self-respect didn't allow me to continue. How difficult our life can be sometimes! Life plays so dirty with us and what can we do? We have to deal with everything! But how can we cope with all of that? But if you do not cope with them, you do not understand the importance and its essence. Interrupting my deep thoughts, Tani entered the room: - Hey, old man, how did the fishing go today, because you've became a prominent guy now, you're on a roll?! - Sure Tani. - I replied seriously to stop his teases and pretended to deal with my notes. - When are you going to show me your chick, old man? - When the moment comes Tani. - Aha! A big secret, you mean? But where did you even know her wretch? I didn't know you for such a secretive guy? What a sneaky boy! Of course, he tried to loosen up my seriousness even though I didn't take my eyes off the phone. I was expecting a text from Maggie, but she was probably busy. I wasn't bothering her. I would wait a little longer for her to text me herself. I kept myself from being clingy. Even though I was foolishly fascinated! Obsessed with her. I also had an excessive idiotic jealousy that I didn't like that I had. But I had it. What was this love that conquered me like a fool? Was that love? Now I believed others when they talked about it. When I heard them before, they seemed like exaggerations, useless words, as if they were copying soap operas, books, movies, but now I understood it, proving that it was the most beautiful and scary feeling at the same time. They feel that sometimes you have to know how to manage, control, to not fuck things up. I had already become like a robot whose brain is programmed only in the "Maggie" aspect. I wanted nothing more than to be with her at any moment, to hear her voice, her presence, to caress my face, my chin, as only she knew how to do. There was no part of the day that I didn't think and dream about the moments I spent with her and only the idea that I could lose her for various reasons, whether it was her father or our social gap, tormented my brain a lot and I was gripped by anxiety from that thought. Many hours passed by and she didn't come around. I f inally sent her a message. Then I texted her again, and she still didn't get back to me. I was very worried. I couldn't stand it anymore so I called her. She hung up on me. Then she sent me a message: "Talk to you tomorrow please. Goodnight." Oh, it felt like she cut it very shortly! What had happened? Maybe any problem occurred in the family? Or maybe she was tired?! Oh, I don't know, I don't know! These thoughts were driving me crazy. Her message did not leave a good taste. I wasn't even able to sleep that night. I didn't even understand why I worried so much, but I felt a tightness in the chest and had a feeling as if everything would end. Only the thought caused a brain attack to me. Imagine happening in reality?! With five hundred thoughts in my head, sleep could only occupy me in the early hours of the morning. And in that few hours I may had slept, I saw a scary dream as if I was drowning underwater. I woke up and the first thing I did was obviously to send her a message. Of course I was already addicted. I wished her good morning and I went to the faculty to close the accounts with the exams. Can you believe that for the first time I didn't finish the exam's questions quickly? I was too much worried about Maggie and I couldn't focus. It had never occurred to me worrying about something more important than school. Ah, women! After I finished my exam I went out. I looked at my phone, a message. It was from Maggie. On the hundredths of a second I opened it excitedly. My heart trembled. I read the message: "Sidrit, good morning ! I didn't have the chance to write to you yesterday after the meeting, but I wanted to tell you that we can't continue this relationship. I don't have feelings for you. I don't think I felt enough for you to have a relationship together and everything was a mistake, so it's better to end it without going too deep. I'm sorry if I gave you hope that something more could exist between the two of us, but it cannot happen. I expect understanding from you. I can't meet you, because it would be useless. I believe this clarification is enough. I hope you don't even discuss this little acquaintance with Tani and with anyone who might cause me problems. I wish you much success in life. It was a pleasure. Maggie" No, No, that was not possible! Must have been April 1st, I thought. My world collapsed. I didn't know where to put my steps. A car almost crushed me. I heard people telling me: Idiot! from their car window. I couldn't believe how it happened. She was probably joking. What was this day?! Everything was so f ine. Maybe the cause was her father? I sent her a message: "Meg, tell me, you are just kidding. What caused you to make this decision? Did your father find out anything? I am able to talk to your father whenever and things can be immediately fixed. I only need your presence in my life. Please don't do this to me. I take into account everything for you. When you have the chance call me and we'll meet, we'll clarify. Do not do this please! I love you!" She returned the message: "Look Sidrit! My father or anyone doesn't have anything to do with this. He doesn't know anything and he doesn't have to know. I just realized that I don't have feelings for you. It was a snatch of the moment, but I reflected on it in time. Don't be a peasant trying to find answers where there is no place for them. I just don't want to continue. Don't be clingy. And this one is the last message that I send back, because as I said, I don't even have to talk to you on the phone and I don't even want to meet you. Also don't tire yourself by calling me, because I will change my number. For the last time, all the best! Maggie." Oh God! Why are you doing this to me?! I thought she liked me. That she felt something for me, no matter how small it could be. I tried to call her number, but she already had turned it off. How unlucky I felt! That day I walked for a long time, lost inside the streets of the city refusing to accept reality and thinking that everything will be fine. How painful it was! I felt exactly as if a loved one had died. The same feeling when I lost my father! So much sadness I felt! One part of me still couldn't believe it. How could I ever believe it?! How could a girl do that kind of game, like a child, like a teenager. With a blink of an eye, she destroys your world. Like a remote control. And that night was just a whim? How easy are things for some people. With a message you close everything! She was arrogant, capricious but to close the relationship in that way... with one message?! As if I was something very clingy and she was trying to get rid of that burden. That was what it was! I also felt like an idiot, but even insulted within my being. Anger had covered me. I wanted to eat myself with my teeth. I was going crazy! I arrived at the building late in the evening. Tani immediately started talking as usual as soon as he saw me. - Please, not today. - I told him - we'll talk tomorrow. He was totally stunned and didn't make a sound at all. I fell asleep and turned off the light. I didn't want to see any light. I wanted to be closed in the darkness of the room, to stay in the loneliness of my memories. Since I am admitting everything, I will also admit that I cried! I cried! I cried for the first time because of a girl! And even a lot! Maybe a boy seems weak to cry, especially for a girl, but it happened. I could not contain my emotions. Inside me, something small gave me hope that everything would be fixed. I tried to find the fault in myself. I felt like a total idiot. How incompetent! I couldn't make a girl happy. She just wanted to play. She did what she wanted and I fell prey like a fool. How stupid men are. I am the first on the list. The new day had dawned. I certainly hadn't had any sleep at all. I looked at the old ceiling of my room with damaged walls and thought that the reason could be inside them. Maybe it didn't need a lot of explanation, I was just the problem. She just didn't like me and I was simply a villager with who she spent the night when she was drunk. Like a fool, I lost my heart in the blink of an eye. Just as you give some pennies to a poor man on the street. Despite the fact that I was very right and thought a hundred negative things about her, I still couldn't bring myself to hate her. I wanted to find another reason. But unfortunately I could not f ind it. Tani woke up. He directly asked me: - Sidrit, I'm sorry for bothering you, but I'm really worried about you. You came very late last night, brother. Are you feeling well? Are you having trouble with anyone? Shall we fix it? Or is it related to a girl? - With a girl. - I answered. -What's up? - She left me. - Hem... I don't know what to say brother, but it's the first time I've seen you express yourself like this and talking about breaking up with a girl. Were you in love? - I believe so. - Shitty job, but do you know how many times I fight and break up?Maybe it's just a momentary thing. - I don't think so, it's not the same situation. - Actually, it's the first time I don't know what to say because I have never seen you in love. I didn't think that a day like this would come you for you to fall in love with someone else, besides books. - The day came, it came. But it sooner end it than started. - Brother, do I know her? I hesitated for a moment and answered: - No, you don't know her.- What could I say? I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't want to be an asshole, to tell him who she was, since she had asked me not to. - Who is she brother? Why don't you tell me?! - I don't want to talk about this topic. I can't tell you now. Maybe I'll say it another time. I'm sorry though... - OK. You know it better. No problem. Do you want to go out? - No, no thanks. I will stay in the room. He understood that I wanted to stay alone and acted as if he wanted to go to the store. I tried to call Maggie on the phone, but she was unavailable. She really must have changed her number. What could I do? I was going crazy. Do you know when a human realizes how much he loves a person?... When he loses that person! I had heard this phrase so much that I tried it myself. I had completely eaten my nails from the stress. I was biting them like crazy. I walked up and down the room, but I wandered in vain, because I didn't solve anything. And even with Tani, I couldn't express my troubles. Shitty life... To act like this for a girl. Oh Sidrit the foolish one! I cursed myself to kill her on her self-respect part, but it was in vain, because my brain and heart remained at her. My phone rang. My heart froze, I thought it was Maggie. In fact, it was her father. I was stressed, surely he had found out. What would I tell him? How would I explain it to him on the phone?! That I fell in love with his daughter and she left me because she didn't love me. I finally answered it. He, with his deep, serious, resonant voice as always, asked me normally: - Sidrit, how are you? - Fine, thank you. How are you? Are you tired? - Yes... a little bit. I had some health concerns, but nothing serious. Aging. - Don't insult yourself! You have as much nerve and strength, energy as a 20year-old. - Oh boy! I wish I could turn back that time! I haven't bothered you these days, because I knew you were preparing for the graduation. Did you do the exam today? It was your last. - - - Yes, yes. - Good luck! Although I don't doubt it. - Thank you. - Will you come to the office to help me? - Of course! - OK! See you there. I ended the call relieved. Ugh... I mean, he didn't know anything. If he knew, he wouldn't talk to me so calm. I felt so bad about it. He behaved so well, he was very respectful towards me and he didn't ask me to work every day and he paid me well. I know I would always feel guilty for dating his daughter. When you love someone, you probably take revenge or annoy the person who reached out to you. This is where a person begins to understand that he can never leave this world clean! Without a robe wearing sin. We all sin, we hurt without wanting and without understanding, and we continue to do it and even if we understand something, we do it because of love. More simply, we were born to betray others. In one way or another, we always do. This is how the human was built! And my pedagogue, my dear doctor, who knows how much he would be hurt if he found out about this. I didn't do it on purpose, but he wouldn't understand. Anyway, I would quit my job as his assistant, because I wouldn't be able to see him in the eye. I wish I could find another job as soon as possible and to talk to him like men. I would even tell him that I had loved his daughter and I really didn't know. I would like to share that with him. I felt it as an obligation. Even though the lady didn't like me. I reached his office and found him correcting some theses. How ashamed I felt, you don't have any idea. I couldn't look at him. I felt filthy. Like a sneaky man. A very low situation. It didn't make sense I continued to work with him, sincerely it wouldn't make sense. - What's up with Sidrit the boy?! He doesn't look good to me. - Absolutely not. Forgive me for coming in a bit like lost in thoughts. It's just the stress of the graduation. - You have stress from the exams?! Exams are like anti stress for you boy. - Hahaha! Yes... it was different this time because these ones were the last and you know I love good grades. - What do you have in plan to do further? Where will you do your specialization? - I do not know! - How do you not know?! Are you going to continue or not?! - Yes of course. I won't separate from the medicine and of course I will focus on the field of cardiology. - Sidrit! Listen! You know I love you very much. We already have as much confidence as we have a friendly relationship. You have been my favorite student in all these years and a wonderful boy. And that's why you won a special place in me. You are now graduating after many years of school and practice and I, as someone who has a heart, as a boy even, thought of a gift for you. It will be up to you to accept it or not. When he was talking so calmly and seriously, I thought that he had realized something and was firing me. But... he was giving me a present?! I wanted to leave from there and he was talking to me about gifts. I became very curious in the meantime. - You, Sidrit, even if you continue your career here, your specialization, of course you will always have my support, without question. I even have it as an honor. But here you don't have much opportunity to develop more. I certainly want to have you around. I take advantage of your youth, your zeal to work and let you manage my things. To be a team. But you remind me of myself. I had no one's arm to push me forward, but I made it. And on my way, after many defeats, someone came out and gave me a hand. Now I want to do this for you. Entering medicine means studying all your life. But it's magical, boy. You, through the most difficult years, succeeded and devoted yourself to this school. Your ambition for knowledge is admirable. From the beginning, you had a clear goal. You now have a little way left to close your successful decade that you are guaranteed here, but I have thought of something else. Knowledge and profession are not always rewarded here, but the competition is high for a small country like this and to find a good job, of course you also need a good friend. That seems to work everywhere, unfortunately. Dirty times. But you have that special substance that you will always succeed and flourish. I know this. And that's why I talked with some colleagues abroad, whom I met in different seminars, and they receive a small number of students from all over the world who specialize in different fields of medicine. They accepted immediately. Here in the envelope you have all the necessary papers, the application, everything and the first year you get everything for free since your high results year after year here have been excellent, then they also take this into account, of course I also talked, I did my part, because I know your economic situation. I assure you that there is the right place. One of the three best that you should do the specialization. The devices are the latest and I'm not talking anymore, because you will read further on the internet that contains all the necessary data. It's a masterpiece. I have been with these doctor friends of mine and I was left speechless. I have talked so much about you and how good you were in your practice, so they wait you diligently. They are surprised that in a small country like ours, there can be these talented students. This is now in your hand. I believe it is the best possibility that has appeared to you for your career. Think and tell me. Applications start after one month. document preparation's are also needed, but no worries, I will help you too. Talk to your family too and choose the best for you. that's all I had to say because I talked a lot. And he went silent, after a long speech he expected my reaction. I was totally shocked. I had never thought such a gift would come to me. It was my dream to do my specialization there. There were no words to say before this opportunity. - Thank you... A lot... From the bottom of my heart, professor. This was a dream for me and you thought of me and you chose me. I do not know how I can explain how I feel to you, how lucky I am to have earned your respect and kindness. - Don't doubt it, boy! You are very dear to me. I love smart people. Those who love knowledge and medicine. I am now old and I would really like my children to have chosen medicine, but they are not like me in this field. We both prefer different jobs and other branches. I didn't enjoy my profession with children, at least I enjoy it with you. Living is a bit expensive at first, once you get the hang of it, so talk to your family and let me know if you need help. Now I have to go drink coffee with some colleagues. See you little guy. I will let you think about this dream. He patted my shoulders and took the direction towards the door. I saluted him weakly. How my life had changed in such a short time. Now I understand that the movies, telenovelas that circulate, were based on reality! My life was taking strange turns. I had slept with his daughter who left me after three days, then the good man who not only secured me a job but also gave me this opportunity that is a dream for people. What should I say now? Shall I call it luck? Or a joke? Both together, maybe. Do you understand that it was an amazing opportunity for me? So impossible. I had never been outside the country. I didn't know how it worked. I needed a lot of money to begin with, but normally I would start a job later. I had my family here. I had Maggie... Maggie... Actually I hadn't Maggie. But my mind and heart had her. In all of this beautiful thing that happened to me, can you believe that I was still hoping for her return and my mind dwelled on that part? Oh! I did not know what I would do. How could I leave my mother and sister alone?! They only had me, even though they didn't met me often, at least they were close to me. I entered into a war of thoughts. I probably wouldn't accept. I thought about many factors that would keep me here. I was a little afraid of leaving. You know how I felt?...Like I didn't have the right height and level to deserve this gift. Where would I find the money? I could barely make it here. I would feel like an imbecile there. Ah, if Maggie would come back! my brain functioned only in that part. I had not seen my drug...nor I had received it. How would I go on without her image near me? I couldn't live forever on imagination. Maybe her image would disappear. How would I push through the days without drug? I was hearing the annoying noise of thoughts like flies created by wood that grind it down little by little. That's how the thoughts were bothering me as well as her absence. Was she missing me? Why did I have this foolish belief that she would return? I was totally confused that I hadn't even talked to my mom on the phone during the entire day, and I also hadn't eaten for two days because I was not hungry. I continued, I tried, I called her cell phone with the hope that she would answer it. I just wanted to meet her, to tell me those terrible words in front of me, not in that childish way, with a message. Days passed. Nothing changed. I thought that I went into depression. Everything was becoming difficult for me. I couldn't sleep. I woke up very early when I slept. I took a stroll in every neighborhood and street that I came across. I was so loaded, none of Tan's idiocy made me smile even once. I felt unable to fight the sprain I had. I lost weight, at least I was strong, thick, but I lost a few pounds. The days that passed ease her lack of presence but only added it more. I couldn't ask Tan's girlfriend for help, I would look so stupid if I spied on her, she would get even more angry with me. I was starting to believe that she had no feelings for me, otherwise she would have done something, some gesture. I had left so many messages and missed calls and I didn't get any answer back. Did she ever remember the night we spent? Did she even think about me at all? if she thought about me once in a few hours, as I thought of her 500 times in a minute, the pain that I was nothing to her, only a peasant she had fun one night, would ease a bit. Graduation day came. My mother and sister honored me with their presence. I waited for them and took them. I hadn't seen them for a month or so. Mama's eyes were filled with tears and she wouldn't stops hugging and kissing me. she didn't even leave place for my sister. -Mama's boy, my lamb. You have lost weight. What happened to you? Why are you so weak? - No mom, I'm fine. Just some stress from finishing the exams. - Oh, my poor son, you are so tired of this school, but I feel so happy and proud of you that I thank God every night that I have such a son. - Okay mom, don't cry now. Let's sit somewhere. We can talk comfortably. You didn't even leave place for my sister. We sat in a nearby cafe. I started to ask my sister, what she was up to. She was very naughty. She was a mouthful. I had missed her so much. Vilma was her brother's candy. Flattering and not fussy sister for life. Unlike me, she didn't stand out for lessons. She was charming, calm and sweet. she loved going out, traveling and had a dream to take a foreign husband. To live well in a beautiful place. She watched movies all day and took life as that kind. She was raised by being spoiled by us and she didn't understand the difficulties of life. How I missed my family! They were the two precious women left for me in this world. My mother didn't take her eyes off me, looking at me, caressing me and looking at me with longing. My sister would throw her funny comments and would tease mom about me. We had some close ones in the city, but mom didn't want to worry them, to become a burden and I settled them in a hotel. She was loaded full of food for me and other things. The poor, how much she tired herself! She was jaded from the road but still smiled and said: "I'm fine." I let them rest in the hotel and I left to the dormitory to get ready for the ceremony. Tani was very happy for me. He would come together with Lira at my graduation. When he said he would come with Lira, I dreamed Maggie would come to surprising me. I hoped to happen. Maybe it would happen. I got ready and I went to get my sister and mom. They were beautified. Vilma was almost flying for taking part in my graduation ceremony. My mother was embarrassed and flushed with emotions. She may had been dressed for over two hours and just waited. Tani drove us there. After saying hello to my mother and sister who he had met even other times, he left us at the place where it was being organized and went to pick up Lira. How many people there were. I saw families, young people, bunches of people with cameras, phones in their hands, with flowers, happy and smiling, ready to photograph the moments of their loved ones. I started to get emotional, especially in places with more people, I was embarrassed. I wasn't and I didn't feel comfortable. The relatives got comfortable in the chairs and we stayed. Behind the blue curtain, our names began to be called, and endless applauses were heard after each name that was called. Only the sounds of the cameras could be heard during their shots. My sister didn't have one to happily take a photo of her brother who just graduated. How bad the fact of being poor sometimes makes you. As if it tickles you that you don't belong and resemble to others. No matter how hard you try, something separates you from them. From the circle of other people. You can't walk in their step, so you choose to stay in your corner with your head held high, hoping that one day you will realize your dreams and remind the world that you exist and are worth it! My name was pronounced. In front of hundreds of people that were looking forward to the happy graduation of their loved ones. I took slow steps, of course, a little bit embarrassed and shy, I pulled the card diploma. I could see Dritan from afar who stood up and whistled and took a picture with his phone. Lira, my sister, my mother applauded endlessly along with some others inside the hall. At least I had a few people who were happy and were there that important day. I even felt good that someone was taking pictures of me. You know why? Because, I would have stamped that moment I had wasted so many years of my life for to reach that moment in the photo. And you know what I wanted? To escape. Everything to end with that card in my hands. Between speeches that were held for each new graduated student, ashamed, I must admit that I looked and searched for her with my eyes among that crowd. Had she come to see me? But if she had come, I would smell her fragrance among all that crowd. I was sad, I was disappointed, because during those days I had a secret hope that she would come to my graduation. Her absence made me feel bad. If she would be present, I would have thoroughly enjoyed that much expected day. Of course, among the speeches, by the dean was informed that prizes, monetary wine and scholarships would be received for five students of excellence. He spoke: - The first excellent, the pride of the University throughout these years - my name was heard. We heard Tan's cheering again, while the faces of my young colleagues looked at me with envy. Some girls applauded. - I want to give you this check financed by the municipality for students of excellence like you and we inform you that we also have a scholarship for specialization here. - I could take a look at my mom, who was flushed from her tears of joy, while I felt proud of myself. I had reached my goal. I also felt like ashamed, and I also felt guilty that I was the only one out of the five. But the biggest stress was when I took the microphone in my hands to make some special thanks and say a few words where I became like a chicken fried on a spit. How I would have liked my father to see that moment. He was my motivation to achieve it, my strength. My ambition that had tired me all those years, was his name. His image. I wanted nothing more that day, but him to sit down next to mom, both together with my sister and to feel proud of their son who achieved enjoying that moment because of them. I finished thanking with my eyes filled with tears and hid somewhere in the crowd, until they were all f inished. We met our relatives, I did the same thing, I hugged my mother tightly, who had tears in her eyes as if she responded to my silent gaze and told me: - My heart felt it, he was sitting next to me and he was proud of you. Your father and I are lucky your were born. We are grateful to God, for giving us a child like you. - those were the exact words I needed in that moment. That she told me that my father could have come from above, only at that time so he could see my first achievement in life. She continued hugging me endlessly happy, I later met my sister, Lira, Tani who also carried flowers for me. I felt happy. I didn't have many people, only a few but sincere and valuable. They were sitting there happy for me, because they loved me. If she loved me too...a little bit.. Among the crowd of people, I recognized the face of my good teacher, coming towards me. He greeted mom, sister, Tani and Lira and hugged me while beating my shoulders as usual. - I'm proud of you! - Thank you very much, for everything! At that moment, my mother, realizing who he was, addressed him: - Sir, thank you very much for helping my Sid. He has spoken to me so much about you. May God protect you! All the good things you did to my son, may God bring them back as health happiness to your children! - Thank you Madam! I congratulate you for having such a sun, he's just wonderful! It would a sin not to help a guy like this. Mom started getting emotive once again by his words, tears flowed again on her face, but luckily they were of joy. He left after being called a lot by other people and greeted us dearly. I took my two most beautiful ladies and we left. Mom wanted absolutely us all to have dinner celebrating that night. I spoke to some friends and we left. Mom was smiling so hard, I would give everything for that smile to stay on her face her whole life. We went to the restaurant and got comfortable. Vilma did not stop talking. She was very excited for me, but I bet she was even happier for the fact that she was going out and taking beautiful pictures. I was a little sorry to see her continue her high school in the village. I didn't have the money, but I would have dragged her to the city near me, but then my mother would be left alone. It was also very expensive, so she had to live in the village for the time being. but maybe in a near future, this could happen. I looked at my mother who was pleasing me that night. She was keeping the Menu in her hands and was blushing. She was a woman who was easily embarrassed. She didn't know what to choose from the Menu and was embarrassed. - Mom, I will order for you. Alright? - Yes, mom's boy, thank you very much, because I don't understand the words in here. We started talking about different topics. Mama was very impressed by the conversation with Dritan. She treated him as if he were her son. I liked his humor, while Lira talked to my sister about girlish stuff. But I was lost in the world that held the name "Maggie". Where was she now? Would she have wanted to be at my graduation party? I was angry that it happened to me like that. I thought about it and I kept thinking that I would see her in any place where I was. And this was a mistake. While I was lost in thoughts, Tani happily had told my mother for the offer the professor had made me to going abroad. I had not told them anything. I didn't plan to go. Lira was surprised. - Really Sidrit? Wow! What an offer! Finally luck knocked on your door! Lucky you. Meanwhile, the sister was exclaiming: "Take me too, take me too!" While my mother had been in a constant state of emotions. - My boy, why didn't you tell me about this offer? - Because I don't plan to go mom, therefore I didn't inform you! - But why? - Because no! - Look my son, in life the choices are yours. A person should do the best for himself. Do not think about other things. Everything gets fixed with patience and faith. Maybe that's your lucky way. I have no desire for you to go away even further than here, but I know this is a very good opportunity for you which can change your life. You have to think about it. Listen to your mother. - Okay, mom, let's end this conversation. I do not want to discuss it anymore tonight. - I replied curtly. She didn't continue, but I noticed that her mind stayed there. She fell into thoughts. Later, the conversation changed. - You are so good together! You chose a very good girl Dritan! Hope you don't get the evil eye! - Oh, thank you, thank you, the beauty of the table - Tani returned it to her, as always, joking. - Stand by each other all the time, and you will face the quarrels. Nothing can compare to love. Fight, because later you will get the fruit of what you have tired for and helped to grow. What about you my son, when will you choose a friend and so I can see you happy? That filet I was eating was stuck in my throat, as if it had ribs, not a filet. - When the time comes mom! - I answered her. - What about you, Lira, don't you know any beautiful and good girl like you for my son? - said my mother as a joke. - Mom, leave us along with this type of conversations! - I interrupted embarrassed. - Come on Sidi, don't be upset, we are just talking. - Lira intervened, smiling. - I know auntie, I have many friends. But, unfortunately, they are all taken, or they don't have the mind for something serious. Even one I had single who is very beautiful also, with Sidrit they don't get along very well! Hahahaha! Just joking. To be honest actually, she aims for a bit higher, in fact she's engaged to the prosecutor's son, Mr. Besnik. A "clink" was heard, my glass of wine clattered on the floor. My hand was cut and it started dripping blood. Even to this day, I don't understand how it cut me so deep, that I still have scars. Do you realize she was talking about Maggie? About my winding girl? about the woman who was my idol? She must be lying, she probably was lying. It wasn't possible.... It couldn't happen!!! My mom cried worriedly: - Oh no your hand, let me see it. What happened son? - Let me go mom, it's fine, - was my answer. - I will wash it with water now. - What happened Sido? - Tani told me. - I don't know, it slipped from my hand. - I answered going to the toilet. I went inside. I couldn't believe Lira's words that came in to memory. There wasn't a possibility like this, do you understand? She had lied to me in this kind of way? That's how stupid I have been? How blind have I been? How did I allow falling a prey to her? I have only been some kind of entertainment... oh what a fool! I shot my head with my fists. I threw water in my eyes and face. I spent almost twenty minutes in the toilet. I got one tissue, I put it around the wound and returned to the table. - you worried us Sidi! How are you, mother's lamb? - Fine, nothing to worry about! - The evil eye, brother! - said Vilma. - Hahaha - I laughed hard.- Yes, sister, it must be this. There was a silence at the table and only the noise of the knives ringing in the plate was heard. Meanwhile Lira's words were gnawing me and I couldn't stay still without opening that topic, without realizing what had happened. - O Lira, you were talking earlier about your friend? How come that capricious girl I remember from that night, had this idea. She didn't look like that! She raised her head from the table and answered: - Ah, are you asking about Maggie? No, she didn't have it planned, I mean they had known each other for a long time, because their families are related and this boy is almost ten years older. Lately they got to know one another and started hanging out intensively. And they are doing the engagement quickly, because his father like it has been talked all over the country, and in newspapers, suffers from a bad disease and wants to see his son completed and to take part in his joy. Regardless of the fact that he is a little bit older, they fit very well with Maggie. They are at the same social level and for a capricious girl like Maggie, he spoils her perfectly, because every day he covers her with gifts. Imagine, in a short time he changed her car, her phone and the ring will be with a diamond! So, they are very good together. They seem to be doing well, I mean. I don't know anything more. - Okay, stop portraying them as the perfect couple! - said Tani. - No, I don't know how they are, I told you, because Maggie didn't even tell me this from the beginning. She showed me two days ago. I am her friend and I wish her only the best. But when she told me, you seemed happy. Knowing that she is not the type to be easily pleased, it seemed good to me. - Hope it goes well for her, my daughter! but what is this generation? You are attracted so much to material things! It's not just about money. Of course it is necessary, very important, but if you look at the money and not the man, that relationship will be over before it even starts! My family kicked me out when I fell in love with Sid's father. He was poor, from a very deep remotes area. I came from a good family, f ine for that time. I suffered a lot. But I chose Sid's father, because my heart beat for him. It is true that we had no economy in the beginning. But we both fought very hard. We made to lift ourselves from where we were, we created a normal life, but the years I lived with Sidi's father, remain the best years of my life. He was a wonderful man and an exemplary father. Therefore my daughter, love is easy to find, because it is written before. But it is difficult to take care of it and keep it. - You spoke very nicely! That's what I think, just like you! - Tani spoke. - Let's raise a toast to true love. - he said. That toast to sincere love was one heart attack I still remember. How many shots was that girl giving me. Even though I finished school, I had a profession. It was the happiest night. I felt deeply nonhuman, the most incapable person in the world. How can a man be so weak? How can he be a fool for a woman who just want to make fun of him? Of course, she would choose the son of a prosecutor, she wouldn't prefer a pauper one as she could think of me. I didn't understand anything. I mean she had been cheating on me all that time and that means, while she was dating me, she was also dating him? That's how it works! What is this filthy betrayal? I cursed myself for being born so stupid. After a while I asked them to get up because I felt a headache and I wanted to sleep as soon as possible in my bed. I had a hard time coping with that anger I couldn't express it with anyone. That weight of disappointment I had decided to cry it out only with my loneliness of thoughts.Thinking during the way I was sending my mother and sister to the hotel, I decided to be strong. I wished them good night and I would meet them again tomorrow to greet them. I couldn't wait to enter the dormitory. I climbed the corridor stairs and laid down in our room. Tani, as always, was fooling around. He was really in a good mood, but I had no desire to return any answers. I just wanted to fall asleep. So at least for a few hours I would get rid of the shame I felt and her deceptive image. The night witnessed the suffering of my soul. While the day, ah she was deceitful, winding like her. It threw the white veil upon the problems and covered them with whiteness. The sun had risen! I met my mother and sister in the cafe below the hotel where they stayed. She of course had started crying since before meeting me because they were going to leave. - Oh please, don't start again now! I I will come to see you soon! - Yes, honey I know, you are the most precious thing in the world! You and your sister are the only treasure that I have! God knows how much I want to be near you all my life. But I know that children are like birds. One day they grow up and f ly. Regardless that it hurts my heart to have you away, I know this is the best thing for you my lamb. I thought about you all night, son and the offer made to you and you should go. Don't be conditioned by me or your sister. By God's will, I will live for a few more years to see my nephews and nieces. My dream is for you to become someone in this life. To complete yourself. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow you will find a girl, ta you have in your arms, love each other. Even if you go in the end of the world and my heart dies without seeing you, it is enough for me to know that you are fine and happy. I am thankful to God so far for the both of you, so consider this offer. We will find a solution for you to succeed. - Ma! There are many things that hold me back. I don't know, I'm not very enthusiastic about it. - Look! I know that you also have a problem with the money for starters, but trust me, I will solve it. Even if I need to sell the house, I will do without thinking it twice. It is enough for me you realize your dreams and fulfill yourself! I know the decision you will make and I will support you.- she kissed my hands while crying. How much it hurt every time I saw her like that. Watching her hands that had begun to show signs of aging a little and her brown eyes had created black circles, droopy and wrinkled. Age was telling with a slogan to the one who had appeared and it seemed to be leaving traces forever. My sister was silent, she was listening to our mother and observing calmly the situation. Then she spoke: - Mom we have to go, because we'll be late to take the bus. - Yes, little star, we're leaving. - she said. From her words, I also became very silent that summer day. Surprisingly, even the weather was silent that day. It was like gloomy. As if it was preparing people, for another day, otherwise, for a new day in continuance. I hugged both of them tightly and left. How I loved walking! I talked with my thoughts. I was so logy from my emotional state that no one understood and could not help me! Seriously, that girl was a disaster for me. She phased me in such a way that she made me lose myself and self-confidence. If someone came to me and shook me, I would finally come to my senses, but there was no way this would happen, because no one knew. Like that gloomy day, many others passed. I continued in my depressed state and poor Tani tried to amuse me with his curiosity, to learn about the situation that had brought me sadness. One of those days, he was talking on the phone with Lira. At the end of the conversation he asked: - Honey, how was your friend's engagement? Did many privileged people take part, because that's what she's like, she only accepts the high rank. - Tani joked on the phone. That conversation provoked my senses and I raised my head. All eyes and ears. Tani was continuing on his gossip account. I lowered my gaze again, as I didn't want to be seen with the condition of my face. A temperature of heat went through my whole body and I know I was crumpling a book I had with me. This means she was engaged! "Ah, how beautiful!" - I said to myself. I don't know, I don't think I will ever describe it with words that feeling that had gone through me when that girl left me. A slanderous thing. It was a state that was poisoning my body. He ended the call and commented on the news: - That captious chick got engaged. They had organized a magnificent engagement. Lira was amazed. I was totally silent and I don't know how I didn't crack that day. With my head down, I said: ", I wish them to live happily ever after!" - Oh, does it look to me or you have a weird reaction whenever that woman is mentioned?! Like, you don't want to talk about her. As if it irritates you. She didn't say anything to you that night when we went out? Because from that crazy girl you don't know what to expect? - No, Tano. I just don't care about dealing with women's gossip. I don't have to waste my time talking about her. she wasn't even all that! - I don't know, brother, bravo to her if you look closely. Ok, she has money herself, but she also chose a super boss husband! How well these women know the beauty of life brother! Even I in fact, if I were a woman, I would do the same thing, I would fish cases like this, but since I'm a man I'm thankful, my Lira is not in this kind of category of women. I hope she doesn't start asking now for such luxuries as her friend, because oh mother oh mother! - Oh, no brother, I hope you don't have this fate. - O Sido, why are you so serious in the conversation brother? You've driven me crazy with this situation that has captured you. Who is this girl that left you in this condition, that even though it is a female, I would like to grab her once by the hair?! - Hahaha! There is nothing to worry about anymore. That job is finished now. - Oh, that job, I don't think it's completely gone, I don't want to interfere anymore. But I just want you my friend, to come back to your senses. I can't see you like this. - I will do it Dritan. I promise you that I will come back to my senses. - I hope so brother! And really I had decided that I wouldn't have any more Maggie in my life. That night would be the last one I spent racking my brain for a "why" and occasionally crying for her as a fragile girl. It was shameful that I had reachedthat state. Yes, yes, it would really be the last night that would remind me of her beautiful image as well the scent of her body. That night...that would be the last night I would feel so sad. As the thunders of weather had begun outside, that's how I would transform too. I remember that night a downpour with lightning storms started and at that time I was trying to find myself. How I was, how I felt now and what I would become. Like every other mornings, that morning also came. I was headed to meet the professor, Maggie's father He was smiling from ear to ear. He looked very happy. How could he not be? He had engaged his daughter with the judge's son. I felt a rage inside when I saw his smile and happiness even though he had no fault in this case. After we had some general conversations, it was time for me to give him a final answer for his proposal. - What did you decide, my son? - I thought about it for a long time and it would be idiotic from me to refuse this offer. I accept the offer! I don't want to miss it as an opportunity. He was very happy with that decision, he got up and hugged me like he usually did when he was proud of me. - Boy, you made the best choice, believe me. I have been through so many things in life and I promise you that this opportunity will change your life in every aspect. - I want that too, professor. To change me life. The remaining weeks I will live to spend time with my family and then I will come back to finish work with the documentation and any other work I need. - It would be good to leave a little earlier for there, to get organized, boy. - Yes, professor! We will talk again when I come. Meanwhile he opened the small drawer with my last salary. He was always so careful with the dates and payment method. I reached out and took the envelope. He told me: - Boy, with a boy like you, I didn't come across my own path for years, that's why I'm happy that I made a small contribution to the growth of your career, because you also helped me immensely with your clear thinking and the correctness that characterizes you. Ask me whatever you want if you remembered something. I stood up and we greeted each other again. - I will always be in debt with you, professor. After leaving from there, I took the road to the village. I wanted to leave this city as soon as possible. To find myself again. I had told my mother about the decision, even though she knew. In a few words, I told everyone, of course, even though Tani was a little sad that he wouldn't have me around. He was happy for me, for the opportunity. In fact, I did not make that decision because I wanted to. I took it as a necessity and because I was just a coward and could not handle the disappointment of love. This was true. A human should not leave, but face them. I was new in this field and I didn't know how to manage them. In the last few days, I had gained an ambition, more than I had it when I found out that she left me for someone with money. I would like to tell her and everyone one day, how much my skin was worth and who would become poor Sidrit. I was changing. I felt that I was changing. If I have understood anything in life, I have understood that happiness does not change a person, but sorrow does. I was a little scared about the new life that awaited me, of course, but I needed a new life badly. After several hours of roads that had taken me with my thoughts, I f inally arrived at home. Of course, they were waiting for me with a load of five hundred meals on the table, specially ordered for me. Mom cooks like a real "Master Chef". She had a passion for cooking and everything she made always turned out delicious. After talking, I filled my stomach and laid down on the couch to rest. Every time I went there, I felt nostalgia for my childhood. How beautiful childhood is! It is the only period when a person does not have stress and trouble. The more you grow, the more you realize that life is not as beautiful as we think. I felt so bloated from overeating mom's food and I could barely breathe that day. I can't deny that my mind stayed on the long journey that was waiting for me and everything else that was stressing me out, including money. What if I didn't make it there alone without anyone? But even if luck helped me and everything would be fine, I had sworn that I would return to my country again. Completed and powerful. And if this thing wouldn't happen, I wouldn't come back. - Brother, will you take me too when you create your comfort there and start working? - said Vilma in her thin voice. - Why so much desire sister? - I don't want to live here. - Of course she told me about this request while mom was washing the dishes when she wasn't present and of course not to upset her. I understood her, she had no fault. She was young, a teenager, wanted to go out, have fun, plus she was such a nature since little. Since a little one she had big dreams. She wanted to lived abroad. She like Europe. She was lost in her movies and telenovelas and she dreamed of a life like theirs for herself. - Ah brother's spoiled one! You will leave mom alone huh? - I said jokingly. - No, brother, I'll take her with me. Just so we can leave from here. I don't want to live here. Even she would leave her famous job of peppers, tomatoes and many other stuff. - Listen to your brother! - I said - You are certainly in an age now that everything looks different. You are in the technology years, just like me. I know that you look around. But my kiddo, one thing no matter how many years and centuries pass, it will never go out of style and that's the job. Whatever kind of work it is, it's never a shame! Shame is to steal, to kill, not to work and achieve earning in different and honest ways. Therefore, you should not feel ashamed even for just a moment that our mother sells fruit- vegetables in the market, because with those peppers and tomatoes that you mention, she keeps the house and feeds us. That's right, believe me! You will grow up a little more and you will understand how the world really works! But I promise if it goes well for me, there, I will fulfill all the needs you have, or I will take you with me. Those words gave her optimism and she didn't let me go, hugging me with excitement. - I am convinced, brother, that you will succeed! I am convinced! - she told me. The days passed very quickly in the village. I met some relatives here and there, some friends, but most of the time, I helped my mother with the supply of fruits and vegetables and stayed at the market. My co-villagers came happily and greeted me by raising their hand. - Our doctor! Our surgeon! You will save our lives from now on! another smart person was born from our place. - they shouted. Mama's eyes sparkled and her smile was ear-to-ear listening to these compliments. While I was embarrassed. I always have felt embarrassed by compliments. While I was helping her in the market, she told me: - My lamb! don't think I haven't noticed you. You are not well these days! Your eyes express sadness. You look lost, thoughtful, tell me. What hurt you so much? Come on open up to your mom please! - Oh mom, don't be clingy on this. I have nothing. Just the stress of the road and everything that is waiting for me. There are things that can be fixed, I have nothing else. - Oh son, son! I gave birth to you. I know you better than you think. But if you don't want to share it with me, okay, I understand. - It's okay, mom. That woman was a peace for my mind. I never remember her to have shouted in very high tones, or criticize me a lot. she never annoyed me. She always knew how to give back an answer. She only wanted us to be healthy and fulfill our dreams. Even though she would had a hard time without seeing me for a long period, she didn't mind. only so I could be well and could make it. And there the days went by very quickly. I had to go back to the city to finish everything I needed to go there and to depart. I had to get used to the system, oh how many things I had to do and they were stressing me out. As always, greetings on the last day are always the worst. My sister was crying. The mother like rarely didn't give herself away that day. She probably had cried all night. How hard it must be to be a parent. I thought. We children also have pain, but no one feels the pain that mothers feel. The bond between a mother and her child is magical. You keep him inside you, raise him, educate him, give him everything, and then he's gone in the blink of an eye. It must be a little scary. She had prepared everything for me, things, clothes, some prepared food that I would eat when I returned to the city. Now there was only the moment of parting, of greeting. And I was very emotional and I couldn't wait to turn my back on them without shedding any tears. - Oh enough now you two. As if you are taking me out as a bride and I am going to my husband! I'm a big boy. It's a shame! - Hahaha! You are right. - they answered back. - My son, I have prayed for you and I will do so until I die. I wish things to go well for you and don't keep your head back for us. How strong she was showing. It surprised me. She was used to a hard life and never lowered her head. She took out of the apron she held an envelope of money. I opened it and saw much, much, much more than I thought. A few millions. - Mom, what are you doing, why are there so many? - For you, my son. - Mom, these are too many! - No mommy's boy, they are not, they are yours. These are my savings that I have saved for you, for your future. Don't worry, I also have for your sister, because I know that you think it. I have taken them all into account. It's true that I didn't have much to give, but that's all I had the opportunity to collect, to have them for a start. While in this other envelope - and meanwhile took another one out from another pocket - are the money you bring me from your salary month by month. At that moment I felt very bad. I could not hold back my tears and myself. - Mom, what have you done?! I sent this money to you! - I know, mama's boy! But we didn't need them. We could make it. Why did you really think that I would waste your hard-earned money which you made by running around hospitals?! Do you really believe it?! I didn't bother you because I knew you would object. And I saved them because I thought one day you might need them. Forget about feeling guilty about this. I will try to help you as long as I have life and opportunity. I feel very bad that I didn't do more for you, but that's all I had the chance to do. - Shh, mom. Oh mom, you are an angel, my angel on earth. I have one up there and the other one here. I am the happiest boy to have such a family. I promise you will be proud of me. - Oh son! I have always been proud of you and I know I will continue to be. Among the tears that flowed like a waterfall to the three of us, we hugged tightly. It was a very painful day for me. We couldn't let each other go that day. I still remember that day precisely even to this day. There I realized a hundred percent how important is the family. The bus route passed by quickly. When I got to the building, I took a shower and went to sleep. I had booked my ticket. I finished some photocopies that I needed, I met Lira and Tani. Tani was not in the mood that day. He was sad. I was too. He was the only friend I had. - Anyway, you won't forget me, will you, brother? - I never forget those I love Tan. You do not forget me! Because you get lost in your routine. - I answered him. - Ah, don't doubt it! - Lira said, - It's sure that this one will forget you! Between those happy moments with them, I had to leave. I had to also greet the professor. To greet him and to leave in the first hours of the morning. I headed straight to his office. He was waiting for me. He happily asked me with excitement for everything. He had helped me a lot with the documents, and with the guarantees, because I had no idea. - Oh boy, don't be afraid. It will be a little difficult, but worth the burden. You will become someone Sidrit! Trust me, I know this! Don't forget us, boy?! - Never professor! Especially you. You did so much for me. I wish one day I can reward you. After the pleasant conversation with the professor, he also had to leave in a meeting. We greeted again as we usually did, and he said to me: - Hey, listen to me, find a nice girl there and don't come back here! - Whatever is written, professor! Thank you for everything. God bless you. every time I met him, unwittingly, the memories I had with his daughter came to me. Every time I met his kindness, as if I was staring my shame in his eyes. I went down the stairs and walked nostalgically in the corridors, laboratories. As if I was giving a farewell to a place that I had been through a lot years. I had grown up a lot. For a person it's enough to have desire and he is able to see light even in the hole of a key. I walked in the streets of the city, as if I wanted to take away the yearning for any place. I even used bus lines, like I wouldn't come back ever. Now that city was part of me. Deep down I loved that noisy city and I had already become a part of it, of his noise. I learned so much about life, about people, about culture, friendship, love, disappointments! All these together grew me up, made me stronger. I was passing a traffic light at the intersection when she appeared in front of me as she went down the stairs of a luxury restaurant, which was in the biggest hotel of the city. Wearing again red a dress, its chocolate color from the sun's rays in the summer eased her hair in the color of wheat. Her serpentine eyes were crossed like arrows in my eyes. She was totally stunned. She stayed in place without moving and chewed. That guy took her by the arm delicately and spoke to her: - Come on honey, what happened, why did you get confused?! - and he helped her down the last step. I was frozen in my place like an idiot watching this happy couple scene. He headed towards his luxurious car and she confused followed him. Her green eyes were enlarged and they didn't move a bit. After they both got into the car, he pressed the gas and our looks got lost in the dust of nature. Lost, just as everything we created that night had been lost. Like a sandcastle. Damn it, why did I have to cross paths with her on my last day in the city. And even more with her husband, exactly for my bad luck! Nature made these games with me! As if it wanted to show me how low I was before that "Perfect" image. What was this coincidence for? To remind me how much I am worth? That I don't have money? That I am unlucky? Or it appeared that woman in front of me to remind me who she was and how much she was worth? Uh! I became bitter. Jealousy, anger, came like smoke out of my ears. I was biting my nails from stress. I lost it again because of her. For the first time, I cursed at her whispering that day: "Bitch!" Dirty bitch! I felt disgust in those moments for her. I had finally realized that she was really a snake and in those moments I only wished that one day she would come beg me and I would lower her to that rank she deserved and I really wished that day would come once. I would return it to her with the same way! I returned to the building, greeted the staff, the guards, the sanitarians, everyone. We were like one family now. Everything was ready. The things were ready. Only with the bed I would stay a few more hours and "bye, bye" to everything. I was so upset that I finally went to sleep. A heavy sleep that if it wasn't for Tani I wouldn't have woken up. - Oh Sido, what are you doing?! Are you planning to leave? Or will you stay here with me forever? Bobo, how much I had slept! I felt totally dead. I had it since I was little. When I was very sad, I slept a lot when falling asleep. I made a quick shower and I asked Tani to take me to the airport. My plane was leaving in two hours. I got my stuff, greeted my original bed and there we arrived very quickly, as there was no traffic. We decided to drink something. - So you're leaving?! - I'm leaving brother, I'm leaving. - I don't know what I will do without you brother. - Tani said with a trembling voice. - In so many years we grew up together. We had gotten to know each other so well. To love, to help each other like one family. A human spends most of his life with his friends. And it is difficult saying goodbye. - I can't say that I'm happy that I'm leaving. I am not so excited! I left my sister, my mom, you. You are my family now. I will feel alone there. But the hope that I'll be back as soon as I'm settled keeps me going. I am also waiting for you to visit me! - I told Tani. - I will definitely do it. As soon as you are settled I will give it a ride. Listen to me anyway, enjoy life there, don't just study like you did here. - No brother! I say this with full conviction I have decided. I will enjoy it! I will have fun! - This is how I want to listen to you with confidence. I dream of seeing you unbridled! - Tani said jokingly. We greeted each other loudly. I finished my check-in - Greet Lira for me and fight for your love. Create something strong, sincere. He just nodded, because his eyes had reddened and he could not speak. so even guys cry. They are not heartless. They feel, they get upset by the departures of the people they love. After a while, I would take my seat on the plane. It was the first time I would ride in one like that. I had some emotions. After a few moments, they informed us that the plane was about to depart. I was leaving the place I had lived for a new life. I had sworn that in this new life, I would leave no room for injuries, only success and fun. Everything had started to change for me. I felt strange sitting on the plane. Just like between the sky and the clouds, I left room for my imagination to take me everywhere. I don't know how time flew like the plane and we were about to land on the ground. I heard the applause of the passengers. I did the same thing. I finished the procedures at the counter and barely found the exit. New state, new country, new people, new life... New Sidrit! I took a deep breath and took a taxi. How many people were there! To think that I would spend several years in that place! Like the breath that was passing through me came to caress me and to tell me that there I would let go of my roots of success. Now a future was waiting for me. I just had to take the chance.
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TONIGHT, i'm telling You
RomanceSidriti, a boy who came from the province with great difficulty and hard work, manages to get an education for medicine in Tirana. He had not foreseen it how could it be to feel your love in life apart from books, feelings for a woman! But is only l...
