TONIGHT, i'm telling You

My moonlight....

My moonlight. I'm sorry, little one for hearing me so much. Many hours have passed and you must be hungry. Now it's dawning. I thought you would kick me out, but you didn't. The clock ticks 05:45 and the morning is dawning like one rose bud. The birds start their migration. The dew of the morning is like my exclamation every night and these days I return home at these hours, or later wandering the streets like a come out of the darkness and be born again. She sacrificed her country and followed her heart. And I didn't repay it to her. I followed my male ego. But understand me, I was very confused! I had a kind of weakness for that female. Maybe because of the fact that she came in quickly and left just as quickly leaving me a void. The fact that I met her after so many years, made me lose it. I thought still had feelings still for her, but it was just that part of the ego to have her as mine once more. It was an obsession. And fixation is sneaky. It distracts you. Confuses you. It makes you unable to control your real feelings. But thanks to that mistake and I disappeared my addiction to that fixation. And destroying that fixation, I carried my Emma. Does she still love me? Or does she just hate me now? Ah Emma, only one room separates us. We are so far away. My father always told me: "Love hard who you have, always water it with love and loyalty. Loyalty is the key to a relationship." I couldn't get to the end Aishe. Do you know what she told me when I apologized for the hundredth or the thousandth time? - What about you Sidrit, would you forgive me if I did it? She was right my daughter. I would never forgive it. But she wanted to forgive me. How selfish we men are. How the hell are we made like this?! Listen to me, never fall in love when you grow up with a man, my daughter. You will suffer. When I think that maybe in your future, they will do the same to you, I get crazy. Aishe, you will grow up in a world with dirty people. If you find someone better than me, marry him. Look how I ended up. I look at myself in front of you. I scared you too with what I told you. Do you know something? Only in you could I fully express myself and tell you the whole story of my life, because you are so little and fragile and cannot speak. You can't talk to me, to curse me, to scold me. You're the only one who can't tell me I was wrong. Or maybe you will start crying and you will do it in a way to tell me that I was wrong, but know that I have told you as it happened. I am devastated. I don't want to give up on you, Aishe. On my family. Can you give me a signal? You are so young and you probably know more about the world. My life has no meaning without the presence of your mother. It's her so I can be! Aishe, I will fight for you. Yes, I'll do it. I can't let myself lose everything like this! And for me, the poor sinner, there will be a glimmer of hope. What about you my daughter, do you think you will forgive me when you grow up? Will you ever remember what I told you tonight? Please Aisha, don't remember. You will be ashamed of me. How calm I feel when I'm near you. Maybe you love me even though I made mistakes. I feel that you love me! You are an angel. And you are as white as the light of heaven. Even though your mother will reject to listen to me, I'll fight for a shred of hope from her. Look, daughter, it's getting dark. How much I have talked! And you have stayed so quiet hearing me. You didn't cry. You didn't even ask to be fed. At least you let your mother sleep for a few hours. Thank you for listening to me, the poor one. Ah magical littleness, how much I love you. They are wrong when they say there is nothing perfect in the world. Is there anything more perfect than a child? There is not. Especially like you Aishe there is not. There won't be. Never. My moonlight. I'm sorry, little one for hearing me so much. Many hours have passed and you must be hungry. Now it's dawning. I thought you would kick me out, but you didn't. The clock ticks 05:45 and the morning is dawning like one rose bud. The birds start their migration. The dew of the morning is like my exclamation every night and these days I return home at these hours, or later wandering the streets like a drunkard in the corners but today I came earlier to talk the secrets of life with you my angel. They will open now the shops, the kiosks, and every day will continue the same life. I'm in a dead-end road like a wretch, but every day the steps will find their way to you, to my family. Your mom said it too in a poem of her book that she published when you were born. Of course you will read it and be proud with her when you grow up, but I'm quoting it one more time to relax you a little since I tired your beautiful brain and your sleepy eyes. Here I have one copy here that I got myself, because your mother didn't want to give it to me. Listen Aishe: The poor one Where are you going, you poor one? said the sea with mermaids and pearls to a king who knew the language of the sea. Are you leaving our beauty? Why did you take the road far from the sea, Oh you wretch! Are you leaving our prosperity? Stay here as our king. The king drove in a boat dipped in gold In the sea calmly, safe and smiling. Where are you going, you wretch? The moon spoke to him! Where will you find better than there? We made you a king, you wretch! Is there anything more beautiful than here, you wretch?! Where are you going so happy, you wretch? You are leaving this place! At home my lady... Note: After Sidriti read the lines, at the door of Aisha's room were heard footsteps that got away. He knew that noise, that smell only one female like her left behind, only Aishe's mom could have it. He got up from the couch next to Aisha's bed, wiped his tears, kissed that angel on his forehead and slowly left to the bedroom where Emma had hurried to lie down and pretended to doze off. Sad Sidriti entered his work room, cried as a child. On the table there were endless letters, documents, postcards, gifts for his daughter that were sent to him from friends of many places. He certainly wasn't in the mood nor wanted to look and deal with anything. Among the endless envelopes and letters, his eye caught a squared envelope like an invitation with no note, no nothing that the maid had left among the other papers that the postman had brought. He opened it with curiosity and saw a card nicely styled: "You are invited to the concert "There is still hope" of the talented soloist, Lusia Andrade. Special invitation from Lusia to the savior" He smiled. He looked out of the window. The birds were singing as the sun rose. A new day has begun...

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AMANDA MULLAMETI TONIGHT I AM ONLY TELLING YOU - novel - Title: Tonight I am only telling you Author: Amanda Mullameti Editor: Ilirjana Jaku Design: Altin Hoxha ISBN 978-9928-4550-7-9 © All rights reserved by the AUTHOR Edition I Tirana/Albania UNIVERS PUBLISHING HOUSE

Dedication
TO MY GRANDPARENTS

My late grandfather, who listened to me since I was a baby with courage and character. To my grandmother, who taught me in life, kindness doesn't make you poor!