The Weight of Living

20. Everybody Loves a Clown

The trio stood in front of a funeral pyre -- John's. The only light came from the wrapped, burned body. Standing behind, hands in pockets, were Sam, Dean and Jocelyn. Sam was near tears and fidgeting, Dean was staring into the flames silently, and Jocelyn moved closer to Dean and took his hand.

"Before he... before, did he say anything to you? About anything?" Sam asked.

Dean didn't look at Sam as he answered, "No. Nothing."

JUNKYARD - ONE WEEK LATER

Dean was underneath the Impala working on it, only his legs sticking out. It was still a rusted frame, but looked less crunched.

Sam approached. "How's the car coming along?"

"Slow," Dean answered.

"Yeah? Need any help?"

Dean dropped a tool heavily. "What, you under a hood? I'll pass."

"Need anything else, then?"

Jocelyn stepped outside and joined the brothers.

Dean pushed himself out from under the table and stood. "Stop it, Sam."

"Stop what?"

"Stop asking if I need anything, stop asking if I'm okay. I'm okay. Really. I promise."

Sam pursed his lips. "All right, Dean, it's just... We've been at Bobby's for over a week now and you haven't brought up Dad once."

"You know what? You're right. Come here. I'm gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug, and maybe even slow dance."

"Don't patronize me, Dean, Dad is dead. The Colt is gone, and it seems pretty damn likely that the demon is behind all of this, and you're acting like nothing happened."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say something, all right? Hell, say anything. Aren't you angry? Don't you want revenge? But all you do is sit out here all day long buried underneath this damn car."

"Revenge, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good. You got any leads on where the demon is? Making heads or tails of any of Dad's research? Because I sure ain't. But you know, if we finally do find it -- oh. No, wait, like you said. The Colt's gone. But I'm sure you've figured out another way to kill it. We've got nothing, Sam. Nothing, okay? So you know the only thing I can do? Is I can work on the car."

Dean crouched by the car again, getting back to work.

Jocelyn, who'd been listening, finally spoke. "Well, we've got something, all right?" She pulled out a cell phone. "It's what we came by here to tell you. This is one of your dad's old phones. Took me and Sam awhile, but we cracked his voicemail code. Listen to this."

She handed the phone to Dean, who stood and took it reluctantly.

"John, it's Ellen. Again. Look, don't be stubborn, you know I can help you. Call me."

"That message is four months old," Sam told his brother.

"Dad saved that chick's message for four months?" Dean asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, who's Ellen? Any mention of her in Dad's journal?"

Jocelyn shook her head. "No. But Sam ran a trace on her phone number and he and I got an address."

"Ask Bobby if we can use one of his cars."

Jocelyn made her way inside. "Hey, Bobby, is there a car we can use?"