Velocity

Part two

Oktober 2009, Madrid, Spain

"I think I'm going as I formula one driver." Carlos says while he lets himself fall on the couch behind him. "How creative." I mumble under my breath while I role my eyes. "Oh yeah, I'm the worst." He says sarcastically. "What incredible creative costume have you thought of then?" He asks motioning to my normal clothes.

"Oh, I'm not going." I say. I have decided that weeks ago. There was no way I was going to attend a Halloween party. Its not even that I don't like parties. "Why not?" He whines. I snort out a laugh. "Oh, come on Carlos, you can't be that ignorant. They laugh at me when I walk by what do you think they will do when I dress up. They always find reasons to laugh at me." I say trying to hold back the tears.

I'm letting the feelings get the best of me. I have been pretending for years that their words don't hurt. But of course, they do. There are just so many insults you can take before setting someone's house on fire. Not that I would ever go that far. But I am so fucking done with them calling me names. I just stopped having fun.

"You can't just not go because of them." Carlos says trying to find my gaze. But I ignore him. I can't look at him right now because if I do, I'm going to cry. He stands up, walking over to me, placing his hand under my chin. "Stop that." He says wiping a tear from my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you cry." He says sounding genuinely sorry. I make a weird sound because I laugh trough the tears while I let my head fall onto his chest. He had grown a lot in the past year, making him more than 20 centimeters taller than me.

"I'm not crying because of you. I'm crying because of them." I sigh. "I'm trying to protect you, but I do not see everything. But I promise I'll try harder." He says taking a step back and clenching his fists. "You don't have to fight my battles." I say. I was raised by a strong woman. I can take bullies on my own.

Oh, who am I kidding. If needed to defend myself, I would be dead in a ditch by midnight. But I didn't want Carlos to fight for me. If he got into trouble that could be a danger to his career. Apart from the fact he could seriously injure himself. And if I'm responsible for him not being able to race, I don't know what I'll do.

"I know I don't, but I want to." He is sounding a little bit irritated. "Fuck them, Raina." He adds. "Language." I hiss knowing that if my mother hears she'll throw something at his head. "I just want you to be happy." He whispers. "I wanted you to have some fun." He adds and my heart breaks by the tone in his voice.

"I know but I don't think going to a high school Halloween party is going to achieve that." I say still trying not to cry. "You can go. I just... I just don't want to." I say to him. "You know Raina that I have a talent for spotting lies." He walks up to me and brings his face closer than needed before he adds: "And you, are a terrible liar."

"No, I'm not." I scoff. "I am a great liar." I lie. He looks at me like he doesn't believe a word I just said. "And I'm Chris Brown." He says with a laugh. "I'm not that terrible." A huge grin appears on his face before he says: "Yes, yes you are."

I punch him against his shoulder. "Carlos." I say pretending I'm mad at him. "What? Its true!" he says laughing. "Fine, I might be a terrible liar. But I'm still not going." I say. He shouldn't be able to convince me to go, but he can.

Carlos had the gift of making everyone feel loved. He was rarely mad at people and was willing to be everybody's friend. If sunshine was a person, it would be him. I was trying to smile the pain away and when I couldn't for a second, he did it for me.

"What if we go together. Like with a matching costume?" he askes with hope spread all across his face. "Yeah, the popular racer and the fat girl in matching costumes. They'll think I forced you." I shoot down his idea. The truth is, I'm scared.