Billie's Tale

Lonley

Billies POV

-

Lonely:
1
: being without company : LONE
too many lonely nights at home
2
: not frequented by human beings : DESOLATE
3
: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

.. My eyes scanned the book reading the definition of the word that I just now learned. Lonely. Did I my feelings match this? Was I lonely? No, I wasn't. How could I? My thoughts scrambled all in my head.

How could I be lonely if I had my family? I had my friends? But yet this eerie feeling in me felt empty. Those same feelings felt so bad that I felt scared. I close the book and placed it back on the self.

I chose to come to the library today so I could finish some homework I had been pushing off but being the procrastinator that I was, I now found myself in the book asile just looking around for a book that could get my attention. And for some odd reason today the Merriam- Webster Dictionary did just that. After I placed the book back I headed back to the small cubicle where I had placed all my belongings. I take a seat and take a deep sigh.

*Inhale*

*Exhale*

I grabbed my books and placed them in my backpack, zipping it and placing my backpack on. I checked my watch to read the time, 2:55pm.

Crap.

I had forgotten I had an appointment with my advisor at 3pm today. I had less than 5 minutes to get to it. I began hopping down the 3 floors that this library had. Her building was only 2 buildings away from the library but I still had to get to the 4th floor to get to her office.

Check time, 2:57pm

Finally I made to the building and scurried up the 4 floors. I open the floor doors and head straight to the check in kiosk. I quickly type in my name and ID number and Submit.

Check time, 3:01pm

Just on time, even if it was one minute late I still managed to make it. I was about to hop to take a seat when I hear,

"Billie, How are you hon? You can come with me" I turned around and Ms. Frida my advisor was standing at the corner. I walked over to her and stepped inside her office. She took a seat on her big pink spiny chair that I so much wish I could sit on at the moment. But the plastic hard chair will do for now.

"How are you Billie?"

"I'm good, how are you Ms. Frida?" I asked

"I've been really good lately, I just came back from vacation. I went to Maldives for a week and it was amazing. I love the beach it is so relaxing oh how much I wish I could be there right now" Frida continued going on about her trip, how much fun she had, what she did, and all the little souvenirs her and her fiancé got.

"-but enough about me, what have you been up to billie?" Anything new? Let me see here,.... last semester went great for you! Well actually these past two have been really good! We're off to a great track! Only one more year left and you'll be all finished? I know last time we discussed post-grad options. Have you considered grad school? Any employment opportunities? Have you interned anywhere this summer?"

"I have been debating whether or not to do grad school, but I did get to intern at this publishing company over the summer. It was really good but that's about it"

"That's great Billie! Did they offer any future internships? Or externships?"

"Yes they told me if I was interested for a winter break internship because they would like me to come back. But I'm not sure at the moment"

"Oh why is that Billie?

"Well I have a lot on my plate right now, this semester is tough as it is and with managing two jobs and-"

"Billie! You're still doing two jobs? I thought we discussed last time before summer break you would leave one of them?

"I know it's just I really need the money to help me pay school, my apartment and my bills. If I didn't have to I would surely leave one but I can't afford to at the moment"

"I'm sorry Billie, I hope you can get everything straightened out without having to over work yourself. You need time for your mental and physical well being. Tell me when's the last time you got a good 8 hours of sleep? Because Billie I'm worried for you, you look pretty sleep deprived"

That's when I realize the whole time I had been talking to Frida I had been closing my eyes in and out and my head had started to go back and forth.

"I think like two nights ago. I just couldn't sleep last night I've been having a lot on my mind lately"

"Well Billie you need to rest. I know we talked about succeeding in school but you have to take care of yourself. Here, I been meaning to give you this paper since last visit, but you should definitely look into it. It's for your own good. It's a small group here on campus that deals with mental health and physical wellness. You should definitely go okay, I'm not making you go but try to fit it in your schedule so you can see for yourself the group, okay?"

"Yes thank you Ms. Frida."

"No problem at all Billie, until next time okay! I can't wait to catch up with you again."

I grabbed the piece of paper from her hands and walked out the office.

Was I tired? Did I look tired? I didn't think I did but now I'm unsure.

I mean my stomach was grumbling but I knew I didn't get a chance to get breakfast this morning so I knew I would hungry by now. But I still had so much work to be completed. All I craved in this moment was to just be in bed, sleeping, sleeping and sleeping. I felt like I sleep in this very moment. My mind felt tired. Every part of me felt tired.

But I was fine. I know I'm fine.