vent

2.

I'm feeling guilty again. today i woke up as usual then took a bath and did my prayers. I was waiting for ny tea and boom i got hit with unusual tiredness. I felt so tired suddenly. all i wanted to lie or vanish from this world. but that's not easy.

i told my mom that im not feeling well and I can't go to my uni and yes she got mad. till 1pm she lectured me constantly, saying that i do this every time. I'm not good enough. I've to do better. For a second i thought what i did was right? if i went out of my house and went anywhere but clg that could have saved me. But i didn't even have the energy to get up from one place and do something. then i had my lunch. thought I'll take a nap and forget this weird day but nah fucking nap nvr comes when i need him. Now im again tired and writing something to EASE my fucking mind.

my chest is full. my brain is not helping me my body is just tired my heart is so sad. why life is so hard. in few weeks I'll be officially 20. I'm so scared for it. Growing up is sad. So sad. no one understands you or no one cares for you. i try to tell myself everytime that it's okay u will manage it.. u have done that alot of time.. but it's getting hard honestly. i feel trapped.. trapped in my own skin my own mind my own thoughts.. i wanna let all go.. i wanna be happy i wanna feel good but it's hard gosh