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Hello author, this is my first review on the book and without delay here I go.
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Likes:
The "going to another time" and switching places plotline, Ella with Y/n. The other time being Cinderella's story.
I love the story having multiple points of view. That makes it easier to understand how certain characters are feeling, you could expand onto that and expand into the other characters like prince charming, Cedric and Cinderella. Then they won't feel as much like non player characters or as flat.
The Story is sometimes funny; like between Logan and Cinderella, I love their relationship and her lack of understanding modern inventions; it leaves for a good story to tell.
I love the sweetness of some of the descriptions about true love, it's very mature thinking about real relationships.
You are good at writing smut and elicit situations.
The cover is good!
Dislikes/constructive criticism
Spell Y/n normally like if it is pronounced 'yin,' just call her that, I honestly don't understand how you say her name.
Remove the pilot chapter besides the first two paragraphs, no need for photos or descriptions of the characters. I'd rather learn these details about the characters on my own.
When she meets the fairy godmother she doesn't question why she says "having problems with your boyfriend" or the state of the hotel, and or doesn't question her when she introduces herself. Most people would think she is probably insane for calling herself that or find it to be comedic?
This needs to be edited pretty badly and or you need a proofreader, lots of run on sentences and sentence fragments. You could have grammarly or something installed on a computer or find an app that does it.
You should remove the photos, people tend to prefer to imagine characters. I also think you need to explain the protagonist's look and possibly her heritage earlier, and not just one thing like brown hair, or brown eyes, and everyone else is described well.
I think you need to explain who the main character is more (y/n) because right now she is basically nothing, a blank slate, no real personality.
In conclusion:
Keep on writing, you're doing great author you just need to fix some problems with the story and grammar, otherwise it's a decent read for young people who like this kind of thing!
