Hello Wattpad! I'm very interested in reading and reviewing your stories. I want to be able to help you improve on your writing. Within the book you will see how to sign up with your book and be able to read my current reviews.
Hello Author, your book was reviewed second! Woohoo!! Well here goes nothing!
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Likes
I Love the cover art, but the second one you show in the first intro page I think is better! That's just an opinion of course!
The name is great but I don't think the "betrayed by blood" part is necessary! Crooks is fine by itself.
The main character is as twisted as it gets, love the thoroughness of her character.
I find it hilarious she is so stupidly trying to frame her daughter. In my eyes, I see there's a murder weapon and her prints aren't on it. She's also ten or something so how would she use a gun? Also it's just plain strange, that the mom wouldn't think she would have gotten questioned by the police, and or the police could find the love letters as well.
I love the attention to details regarding the history of New York New York and the timeline between New York and the characters, and adding real places to the story.
I enjoy seeing multiple perspectives.
Dislikes and constructive criticism/helpful pointers/ideas:
You should add more character descriptions, like how Cynthia looks or her mom even, (the only thing I know is the mom was being called an old hag in her thirties…)
You could add one of the letters from the Mistress and the mc reading it whilst being angry so we can understand her feelings against her.
The believability factor of her friends both helping her plan her husband's murder is a little low, I would prefer to see them have a conversation about it, like an insert before she does murder him.
You could mention a point of view change when you change it from Michelle to Cynthia.
You need to add more details on how the mother frames Cynthia because again, this isn't super believable.
Her friends say she was a top suspect but the police should know where Cynthia is, with her mom because she is on parole. (So a plot hole)
Spoiler
Before Cynthia gets released from jail you should explain why she is released early besides just parole if they're still looking for her father's killer... If she isn't considered guilty anymore.
Also why wasn't she placed in the juvenile detention center, she couldn't be tried as an adult?
In conclusion:
I like your story and the research that is done to make it more enjoyable, I do think it needs some additional details to make it make more sense.
Thank you for taking the time to add your story to my review shop!
