My elite romantic comedy is wrong, as I expected.

S.S Ideal

Hasebe POV

I had a lot of trouble communicating, it wasn't because I was too shy, I could talk to people normally, but when it came to forming friendships I felt weird, a feeling that I wasn't myself. It was strange.

So I isolated myself, didn't think much of it and became a loner. It didn't bother me until I knew the reality, human beings cannot live completely alone, it would be suicide to do so.

I still wasn't able to form bonds, until I found a place in this school, it was a study group led by the class leader, somehow I feel I connected very well with him and the others, I felt they could accept my true personality. I may have been selfish, however I was very glad.

That's why when I heard that Hikki confessed to a girl I was very afraid, afraid of several things, like because of that the group would disband and also afraid that he would move away from us. As a friend I should encourage him more, but at the moment I feel unwilling to separate myself from him.

Without my noticing Hikki has become a special person. My heart burns when I see him and my stomach flutters incessantly.

Even though he is far from my ideal person, I can't help but think of him, his maturity and calmness make me feel good. But I also know that Airi-chan is in love with him. That's why I've been trying to hide my feelings for him. I wish I'm the only one who knows that I like him. It's the right decision to bury these feelings, I really would like those two to end up together, yet it still hurts my chest to think that he's with someone else, even if she's my dearest friend.

Maybe it was my extreme anxiety that made me ask him directly without making sure how I felt. I know it wasn't right, however I wanted to hear it from his mouth.

Haruka: I see, I see you don't know.

Hachiman: Know what? It has something to do with you and Airi having a strange attitude with me.

I see you are aware of the changes in our relationship.

Haruka: Well yes, Hikki you never told us that you liked someone even when we asked you, what would have happened if she accepted your confession, would you abandon us?

I know how unfair I'm being right now, but I won't be able to rest until I hear it from him. I am afraid of being abandoned, of being left behind.

Hachiman: I won't abandon you, Haruka, you made me feel that I already have a place to come back to, and as for the confession, it was just a little crush, I felt just a little bad because he rejected me but I don't feel like that anymore, we even agreed with Honami that we would remain good friends, I hope the atmosphere doesn't become uncomfortable because of me.

For him to say it that way, he knows how tense I've been. I can breathe a little easy, I'm not going to lose my place so early, I really am a disgusting person.

Haruka: I see, Hikki, I'm sorry if I was too insistent with this, but the truth when I heard the rumors, I felt that we weren't enough and you were looking for a girlfriend, really this group also represents a lot to me.

I tell him my real concerns, it's strange that I open up so openly to him.

Haruka: You know I've never been so open with people, especially guys, they tend to look at my chest and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

It made me feel disgusted, always avoided walking around in a swimsuit because of the complex it created, however those guys despite being childish sometimes, always respect me.
And the discomfort disappeared.

Haruka: And also if I try to force a conversation I feel like it's not me, that's why when we started studying together, I was glad, you guys never saw me with those eyes and Airi-chan despite her shyness She always talks to me, for me this group is a precious place and I was a little scared to think that we split up so soon.

He stretches his hand towards my forehead and with a snap it hits. It hurts a little.

Haruka: Ouch! Why was that?!

Hachiman: Because you're so silly, I won't throw my friends away for my partner, it would be too boring if you guys are gone, stop worrying, I won't say we'll never break up but I'll enjoy every moment with you.

Heh, I seem to worry about nothing, this comfort is too good, so much that I might get intoxicated.

Haruka: It's something Hikki would say.

This guy despite his harsh words is always supporting us, as a leader and as a friend, this is bad.

Hachiman: Hey, I heard that Karuizawa has been trying to get close to you.

It's weird that he knows about it, his influence as a leader is kicking in.

Haruka: Huh? Well yeah, I don't know how to talk to her though, that style of girl makes it hard for me to form a bond.

It's pretty hard to deal with that kind of girl, plus I'd have to put on a mask to talk to her and that's impossible for me right now.

Hachiman: Why don't you try? You know Haruka that when we go out into the world, we will have to communicate with all kinds of people, right?

Haruka: I know, but we still have a long way to go.

Hachiman: That's how it starts and when you least expect it, graduation time will come.

Haruka: Why the lecture so suddenly?

It's strange that he is  insistent on these matters.

Hachiman: Being alone is not bad, but there has to be a limit, sometimes we judge people without knowing them, so try to talk more with her, maybe she will give you a new vision.

So in the end he's worried about me, he's afraid that maybe my imaginary bubble will keep me from advancing in society, what to get to know other people before judging them? I think it's worth a try.

Haruka: I don't know if it will work, but I'll trust you, Hikki.If you remove the sarcastic tone and change your eyes, you would be really popular.

If Hikki kept his mouth shut he'd be very high in the ranking of the most handsome freshman boys. I don't know what the hell I'm saying.

Every moment spent with him, I'm becoming more conscious as a romantic interest.

I must discard those thoughts fast.

Hachiman: I'm sorry, I was born with these eyes it's impossible for me to change them.

Haruka: Hoooo? What about the tone?

Hachiman: It comes with it too.

Haruka: Hehehehehehehehe

He jokes with the way he is, this guy I don't know if it's low self-esteem or pure stupidity.

Haruka: I'm sorry, Hikki, we talked about this without taking your feelings into account, it must be painful for you, I'm glad you are so kind and don't take it badly.

I think it's time for me to apologize for being so inconsiderate, I know it's very hard to confess your feelings and it's even harder to deal with rejection. And here I am bombarding you with questions.

Hachiman: You really are a pain in the ass that's why I took the time to explain this to you, and I'll just say it one more time, it was just a little crush there's nothing more, in a few days the feeling will die fast.

His phrasing is too weird, but I guess this is the way you carry Hikki's rejection, I won't pay attention to it.

Haruka: The way you say it makes me a bit disgusted, but I'll let it go.

It's getting late already, this talk went too fast.

Haruka: I think we've said what we had to say, so I'll go.

Hachiman: Sure.

With that I get up from the table and head for the exit.

Before I leave I let out sincere words that are only for him.

Haruka: Thank you Hikki for being my friend.

And I leave the room.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh?! What the hell, just saying that put my heart racing, you'd think that's out of my attitude to say something like that. It's a little embarrassing.

Well, it's not worth thinking about it anymore .

I don't know what will happen to what I feel, I must bury these feelings deep down.