My elite romantic comedy is wrong, as I expected.

VOL 1 Chapter 10 Parasite

I hear my doorbell ring, so I head to open it.

When I open it, I find Hirata and ..... Karuizawa Kei. Well this is unexpected, Hirata walks me out while karuizawa looks at me with some suspicion.

Hirata: Good evening Hikigaya-kun.

Hachiman: Good evening, please come in. You can sit at the center table or on the bed, as you like.

Both sit at the table.

Hachiman: Would you like something to drink?

Hirata: If you have green tea, I'd appreciate it.

Karuizawa: Coffee, please.

I place the two cups of what they ordered in front of them and ask them.

Hachiman: Well, what brings you here?

Hirata: You see, Hikigaya-kun, ehhh, how can I explain it.

This is a very strange sight, Hirata not being able to find the words, hahahahahaha, he suffers the fate of all the lonely people in the world who suffer from social anxiety.

Karuizawa interrupts my thoughts when he starts talking.

Karuizawa: I asked Hirata-kun to go out with me.

Hachiman: Ehhhhh, congratulations, and what do I have to do with it?

Hirata: The truth Hikigaya-kun, it's a fake relationship, due to special circumstances, Karuizawa-san asked me to pretend to be a couple.

Hachiman: Ohhhhh, I still don't see the point here.

Hirata: Hikigaya-kun, I'd like your opinion.

Hachiman: I can't see the whole painting, so it's hard for me to give my opinion, besides you are acting like  hiding something, I can't give my point of view because it would be irresponsible with your feelings.

Hirata is unsure looking between Karuizawa- and me, until he decides to talk to Karuizawa.

Hirata: Karuizawa-san, Hikigaya -kun is someone trustworthy, I know he will understand your situation.

Karuizawa gives me a conflicted look, I continue with my unperturbed face, well, that's what I think, Until she speaks.

Karuizawa: Hikigaya, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you.

Hachiman: I promise, I don't have to tell anyone anyway.

Karuizawa takes a breath and starts telling me.

Karuizawa: I... I was bullied in high school, not just the kind of bullying that they make fun of you and pass on, they took it to the extreme.

Hachiman: Ohh? Extreme?

Karuizawa: Yeah they put bedbugs in my shoes. They left dead animals on my drawing board. When I went to the bathroom they doused me with dirty water. They wrote words like 'prostitute' on my uniform. They pulled my hair. The punches and kicks were so many it's not worth mentioning. Any kind of harassment you can imagine, I experienced.

Of course, I knew all this but I have to put on a shocked face because of what I just heard.

Karuizawa: You know I just want a normal life, go out with friends, talk about boys, dress up in nice clothes and show off a little, get a boyfriend, go on dates with him and make lots of plans together. But at some point the fear took root in me, and it's impossible for me to move on.

Hachiman: So you wanted a relationship with Hirata, to have an extra layer of protection in case you don't succeed in your socialization. Now I have the full paint . But my question is still open, what do I have to do with it?

Hirata: Hikigaya -kun, it seems to me that you are one of the smartest people in the class, so I want to hear your perspectives on this case.

Mmmmm, it seems that my position in Hirata's head is quite high, in the canon he could have made the decision on his own, but he's coming to me for help, he must be desperate.

But this benefits me, it gives me a chance to take a possible pawn away from Ayanokouji, the less power I have, the better it would be for me, I will say my honest thoughts may backfire, but these guys need to hear the truth.

Hachiman: All right, I'm going to tell you what I think, but I warn you that it's not a pleasant thing to hear. First of all, having a relationship with Hirata to cement a position in the class is not a bad idea, since he is one of the leaders of the class, but it's only an effective short-term plan, and the longer it goes on, the more his credibility will diminish, the more advantage he has because we don't know each other well yet.

Hirata and Karuizawa nod at my words, I see that they have a notion of the failure of this plan. I continue with the explanation.

Hachiman: Secondly, Karuizawa you are being selfish with Hirata, you are limiting his options and his life, after all having a fake girlfriend has its responsibilities, Hirata stakes his reputation because he is too kind.
Hirata panics and Karuizawa looks embarrassed.

Karuizawa: I know, I know, I know it's too selfish of me, but I can't think of any other way.

Hirata: Hikigaya-kun, I wouldn't mind helping Karuizawa-san with this matter!

He cut him off quickly.

Hachiman: That's even worse, Hirata, if you accompany Karuizawa with this plan you will have to protect her for the three years that you will be here, and what happens after that, we will have to go to college, don't tell me that you will also go to the same college as her to protect her, if we continue like this you will get to the point that you will have to marry her to protect her for the rest of your life. Are you willing?

Hirata looks taken back, it's kind of obvious, would you throw your life away for someone you've only known for a few days?

Hirata:This........

Hachiman: Look Karuizawa, if you suffered all that harassment, I can only say that you are strong, I won't deny it.
Karuizawa looks at me surprised by what I just said, she continued.

Hachiman: But you have to go on alone, if you continue to depend on others for the rest of your life, not everyone is as kind as Hirata, some will ask for compensation for their services, and the longer you go on with that lifestyle the more expensive it will cost you.

Karuizawa bows his head and is about to cry, and between short moans he begins to say.

Karuizawa: It's...scary.... I'm scared..... don't know what else to do...it's very lonely...I..

Karuizawa mumbles excuses that only she understands, it won't be easy to eliminate her parasitic nature, but that's okay, if people would change so easily I wouldn't be a loner and the world would be a better place. Just go with baby steps, if I can get her away from Ayanokouji's grip and turn her into a normal girl it would be fine.

Hachiman: *sigh* Listen Karuizawa, I was bullied too.

Karuizawa and Hirata look at me in surprise, do you think I wasn't bullied in my life. As if that wasn't enough in my first life I was despised and ridiculed by twisting my personality, and in my second life it wasn't as kind as the previous one, I began to suffer physical and psychological harassment.

Karuizawa insecurely asks me.

Karuizawa: So how did you deal with them? I mean your bullies.

Hachiman: It's not obvious, I broke everyone's teeth.

Karuizawa: Eh?

Hirata: Huh?

Both: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?

I guess it was shocking to them, I don't seem like someone who is very proactive towards violence, in my past life I would try to avoid any kind of trouble, but the influence of those guys led me astray, at least I try.

Hachiman: Although I don't recommend you that kind of solution, it's pretty good when it comes to solving direct conflicts, but in the social realm it's quite problematic, in the end they will marginalize you and only make attacks from a distance, so I only opted for the peaceful option.

They both let out a sigh of relief, do I really look that scary in their eyes?

Karuizawa: So, what is your proposed solution?

Now she is willing to listen to me, I guess it's a good step, if taken correctly Karuizawa Kei will be a formidable ally.

Hachiman: What do you say we make a deal, if you follow the solution I propose, I will offer my protection in case things go wrong.

I absolutely cannot remove Karuizawa's parasitism at this time, so I offer you a carrot so you won't wobble so much in the process, something similar to the training wheels on bicycles.

Karuizawa: Deal?

Hachiman: Yes , you will start the fake relationship with Hirata, but it absolutely can't go past the summer vacation, you can end it however you want I leave that detail to you, this will be done to establish your position in the class, when the time comes for the breakup you will depend on you.Of course if this fails, and you are in some kind of danger I will protect you.

I don't know how convincing my words are now, but I'm trying to have some confidence in my voice.It's ridiculous what I'm doing to save someone when I can't even save myself, but I still want to do it.

Karuizawa: D-do you think I can change?

Hachiman: Sure, of course, all human beings can change, there is no exception, the question would be, do you want to change?

Karuizawa: But I am afraid.

Hachiman: So, I am afraid of many things too. You just have to know that you will not face change alone, Hirata and I will be there.

These last words broke the last strand of doubt Karuizawa had.

Karuizawa burst into tears

Karuizawa: wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

She has held back her tears to herself, unable to show anyone her vulnerable state, most humans are afraid of change but you can be quite afraid if you have someone supporting you.

Karuizawa is still crying for quite a while, Hirata is stroking her back with a small smile on his face, I think he is a little relieved with the conclusion, I am quietly waiting for them for the moment, I am an expert in ruining atmospheres, so I don't want to kill the mood, so I let Karuizawa vent.

Karuizawa finishes crying, the three of us stay silent, it would be quite rude to tell them "You've finished your business so go away". I'm trash but at least I have good manners. Until Hirata speaks.

Hirata: Hikigaya-kun I'd like you to talk to the class tomorrow about the direction our class should take.

What's with this guy, does he want me to expose myself in front of the whole class so badly? He's quite annoying. But I have no choice, if I am able to guide the class according to my expectations, I can save myself a lot of trouble.

Hachiman: Okay I'll talk to them, but it's not too early now, let me observe my classmates so that I don't have an empty judgment.

Hirata: Thank you, I'm sure our classmates trust you. So there won't be any problems.

Trust,ehhh, I'm not so sure it's true but it doesn't need something as intangible as that, if I can convince them with logic.

Hachiman: Okay.

Hirata: Okay , Hikigaya-kun, now if you excuse us we'll leave, seriously thank you Hikigaya -kun, I knew you're too kind.

You're wrong Hirata I'm someone despicable who doesn't mind using under the table methods to get what I want, if you knew me better I think you would hate me.

Karuizawa: Hikigaya your face is pretty scary, but I'll keep counting on you, Thank you.

Oy, Oy Oy, you can't insult me and then thank me Karuizawa-san, it leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth, I just nod.

With that I dismiss the pair and walk them to the door.

Hirata: See you later Hikigaya-kun.

Karuizawa: See you later Hikigaya.

Hachiman: Yes, goodbye.

It was unexpected that this event happened, but it allows me to move freely, Hirata Yousuke, is quite confident in my abilities, so it only remains to wait until tomorrow to discuss some matters.