Biking Through the Tech Tangle

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In the shiny tech hub of Denmark, on a brisk Wednesday, the 9th of August 2023, our 'tech-cyclist' Dan started the day with an odd juxtaposition of analog and digital highs. He woke, sprawled out like a discarded string puppet, having done a relative half-ass job the day before - or at least, that's how he felt.

9 in the evening was when he started his storytelling. "You know, for a genius, Dan sure can't keep track of time," whispered the four walls. Now, Dan wasn't your average Joe. Nah, he wasn't even an average Danish Krone, which was incidentally what he sold his Apple Pencil 2nd Gen for - 300 of those bad boys. A brilliant barter, considering how redundant that stick had become in his life. A relic of a forgotten time, like dial-up internet, or perhaps, privacy.

On this day, his prized possessions - his new bone headphones, which sounded oddly cannibalistic, and the Swapfiets bike, made their debut. Ah, the bike! Pedaling that monster after half a year felt like an elephant trying to get into skinny jeans. First ride? 2 kilometers at 16.3 km/h, and it damn near killed him! "Good God, Dan, didn't know biking was your POST routine!" laughed his lungs as they ached like they'd been given a serious tech upgrade. Yet, like every stubborn software that refuses to die, he took another ride. It was better, or at least, less death-y.

Work was, as it usually was, a messy affair. A cocktail of the "girl classifier" (nope, not a sexist app but a proper tech thing), the use of OpenCV, and making machines realize who's who in a picture. Dan probably spent more time chatting up algorithms than real girls.

Oh, and don't get him started on his series binge. "Brooklyn Nine-Nine." Episodes burned away as if they were mere minutes. Yet, our resident smarty pants couldn't figure out a password. The hint? "DDD." Or was it "DDDD"? Goddamn, what was it? A bra size? His weekend drinking code? Or maybe it signified 'Dumb Dan's Decisions'. He shrugged it off, planning to hack back into his own life, quite literally. "Geez, remember the time before he went to Slovakia? 3.5 weeks ago? When he last played a game? Pepperidge Farm remembers." Dan whispered to himself.

Despite the chaos of work and play, he managed to nourish himself. A diet right out of a wellness influencer's daydreams: a banana and some berries. Oh, so organic. Although, a rumbling stomach and a future doctor's visit hinted at potential internal mutiny.

The house echoed with silence. Ranuka, his housemate and possibly a guiding light, or at times his partner-in-crime, was out. She was probably with that guy she mentioned, having a more thrilling evening than Dan, who was battling with codes, bikes, and his treacherous body.

His day drew to an end with a lingering desire to dive into the gaming worlds of Hitman or Fallout. But before that, a little ritual: Habitica gold. He had to earn his pleasures, in this twisted game of adulting.

Hastily, as if escaping from his own narrative, he wrapped up his day's tale. "Got to go, chase some codes, or maybe dreams. Toodles!"

Work Highlights:

Girl Classifier being naughty - 1h 14m 13s.Documenting the minx (a.k.a. girl classifier) - 2h 1m 15s.Tech Torture Total - 3h 15m 28s.

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