what the fuck?? • matt sturniolo

7. flashbacks

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six years ago. boston middle school:

𝗜𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗖𝗛𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗦 2017. we were all 14 years old and in 8th grade, and our friend group decided to all give each other a present, so that way we'd all have christmas presents from all of our friends.

it was a great idea, and we were all so excited when nick suggested it two weeks before.

but now was the time to give everyone their present, and we were all nervous. alahna was fiddling with her rings, nate with his hoodie strings, and so on.

all my presents were very thoughtful and curated to the person i was giving them to, but there was one i worked harder for.

i made it better than all the other ones. i spent more money on it, i put more thought into it, and i hoped with my whole being that the person would like it.

that matt would like it.

our moms were best friends from college, and they were really close, so i knew the triplets since i was born, but matt had always been very cold towards me.

when nick and chris would hug me, matt would just wave. when nick and chris would joke around with me, matt would just stare, never talking to me.

i had worked for years for matt to be my friend.

i wanted more than anything to be his friend.

but he never let me in.

this is why my present for him had to be perfect.

it was a play station gift card, because i knew how much he loved mario kart, along with a mario and luigi figure, because he would always say that chris was mario and he was luigi.

the present also had a handwritten note that i'd poured my heart into.

dear matt,

we've known each other since forever, and your brothers are my best friends, but with you, it's always been hard to be friends.

i never said anything because i didn't want to make you uncomfortable by bringing it up, but i want to be your friend, so here we are.

i've always liked you, i think you're a great person with a really good sense of humor and so many good traits.

but i don't know, your relationship with me isn't the same as you realtionship with nate or other people.

sometimes i thought it was because i'm a girl, and i thought maybe it was weird for you to be friends with me for that reason, but now i know it isn't that, because you and alahna are such great friends.

i don't know why you've never really reached out to me but i'm letting it go.

i want to be your friend, can we be friends?

yours, bella.

that was it.

that was me putting my heart out and giving it to him, only to have it given it back to me, broken.

and then it was time. we all started opening presents.

it was nick's turn first, and he gave everyone our presents. mine was a moon shaped ring, and when i opened it, he said: "so that we match." and held up his ring finger, where an identical one sat.

i loved that ring so much.

then it was chris's, he gave me a cat collar. when i asked him about it, he said to not worry about it, that i would get it soon.