Controlling your emotions is so easy when the person affecting them isn't right in front of you. You feel strong, able to go on with your life. It's as if your self-control and self-esteem are recharged. It takes days, weeks, to get that feeling of strength. But it only takes a second to destroy it. The moment that person appears, your stomach churns, your hands sweat, your breathing quickens, your strength falters, and it's so unfair after you've worked so hard.
"What are you doing here?" I'm surprised by the coldness in my voice, and so is he.
He raises his eyebrows. "You're not going to let me in?"
"Why should I?"
"I-I just. . . . Can I come in, please?"
"What are you doing here, Ares?" I repeat my question, my muscles tensing.
"I needed to see you."
My heart is racing, but I ignore it. "Well, you saw me."
He sets a foot in the door. "Just . . . let me come in for a second."
"No, Ares." I try to close the door, but I'm not fast enough and he enters, forcing me to take two steps back. He closes the door, and in a panic, I blurt out something that I think will scare him away. "Mom is upstairs, I just have to call her to come and get you out."
He laughs, sits down on the couch, and puts his cell phone on the small table in front of him to rest his elbows on his knees.
"Your mother is at work."
I frown. "How do you know?"
He looks up at me, and a mischievous smile forms on his lips. "Do you think you're the only stalker here?"
What?
I decide to ignore his response and focus on trying to get him out of here before Yoshi decides to visit me, or Mom comes back early and World War III breaks out. Maybe if he says what he came to say, he'll go away.
"Okay, you're in. What do you want?"
Ares runs his hand over his face. "I want to talk to you."
"Speak up then."
He opens his mouth, but closes it again, as if unsure about what he wants to say. I'm about to tell him to go away when he says three words that take my breath away, three words I never expected to hear from him, not now, not ever.
"I hate you."
His tone is serious, his expression cold.
The statement takes me by surprise. My heart and my eyes burn, but I act as if I am unaffected.
"Okay, you hate me, got it. Is that all?"
He shakes his head, a sad smile dances on his lips. "My life was so fucking easy before you, so manageable, and now," he points at me, "you've complicated everything, you . . . you've ruined everything."
My stomach tightens, and tears blur my vision.
"You came all the way to my house to tell me that? I think you'd better leave."
He wags his finger at me. "I'm not finished."
"But I think you are, so get out."
"Don't you want to know why?"
"I destroyed your life. I think you've made that clear, now get the hell out of my house."
"No."
"Ares . . ."
"I'm not leaving!" He raises his voice, standing up, and that ignites my anger. "I need this, I need to tell you. I need you to know why I hate you."
"Why do you hate me, Ares?"