[Anglais] À travers ma fenêtre

51

I love you . . .

It's so easy to say, yet so difficult to express through actions.

We tend to be selfish by nature, some more than others. We want what is best for us and what benefits us. We've been taught to put ourselves before others, and told that if we don't love ourselves, we can't love someone else. And in that respect, it can become true: how much you love yourself can be reflected in your ability to love others. However, there are times when we have to put aside what we want for ourselves for the welfare of the other person. To me that is true love.

I know what Ares needs and what he really wants for his future, and I'm supporting him 100 percent. But I can't deny that I'm terrified at the idea of separating, of losing him. Just imagining it makes my chest tighten and my stomach feel funny, but I love him, and because I love him, I have to put aside what I feel for him, for his happiness.

How fucked up is love?

I stare at the letter in my hands. I've been accepted to the University of North Carolina on a partial scholarship to study psychology.

I'm really happy. I can't deny it. This is what I've always wanted, and there shouldn't be anything to overshadow it. The only problem is that I want to share my happiness with Ares. I know he'll be proud of me, but I also know that this only makes it more real that we'll be going our separate ways when this school year is over. It's a bittersweet feeling, but I guess that's life.

"That's not the reaction I expected," Dani comments, stretching out on my bed. "They accepted you, you idiot!"

"I don't know. I still can't believe it."

She sits down, snatching the letter from my hand, and reads it.

"And with a partial scholarship? This is a miracle, because you don't have any talent." I give her a murderous look.

"I told you that winning interstate chess tournaments would do some good."

Dani sighs. "I still don't know how you're so good at chess, your IQ . . ." I raise an eyebrow at her. "Is apparently good enough to get a scholarship," she finishes. "Yay!"

I put the letter on the nightstand and get up. The sun streaming through the window falls on Rocky, who's asleep on his back with his paws in the air and his tongue out. He's definitely my doggy incarnation. Dani glances at him, concerned.

"Is he all right?" she asks. "He looks like he's dead."

"He's fine. He has weird sleeping poses," I answer. Dani bursts out laughing.

"Like his owner."

Dani spent the night with me, because today is . . .

"Happy birthday to you!" my mother comes in with a tray of breakfast, smiling broadly at us. "Go back to bed, Raquel, or else breakfast in bed becomes meaningless."

I smile at her.

"Yes, ma'am."

I return to Dani's side. Her black hair is a bit greasy, and her makeup is smudged. Last night we drank a little at our prebirthday sleepover, which ended with both of us crying over the Hidalgos. Me, because I got the acceptance letter and would be moving away from Ares, and her because . . . well, I don't know what the fuck is wrong between her and Apolo. She loves him, then she doesn't, then she wants to get over him, but she can't. I think everyone has had a friend who has no fucking idea what she wants from a guy.

Mom puts the tray on my lap. There's plenty of food for both of us, and a small muffin that has a lit candle on it. I blow out the candle, and they clap their hands like seals that have just eaten. I can't help the smile that spreads over my face.