Constantly Something

CHAPTER ELEVEN - Truth

I almost chocked on my own spit when I heard the next second the seemingly not mother said to me. ''Your mother is..'' she started and tears were already filling my eyes. This was all just too much for me already.

''What?'' I spit angrily and finally she was looking at me, hate filling my eyes and hurt filling hers. She scratched her forehead and whispered ''dead'' really really quietly and suddenly it all made sense to me.

I knew why there weren't any pictures of me and my mother of the day I was born or on my first birthday or me taking the first walk or whatever. I had just found out that my whole life basically was a lie.

''You are kidding me!'' I stuttered, the first tear escaping my right eye, me wiping it away the same second. ''Th-this can't be true!'' I stuttered again and looked around. ''People will jump out and and say this is a a joke!'' I tried to tie myself up in a bad lie.

Jane (my beloved not mother) came over to me and grabbed my shoulders whereupon she pressed herself against me trying to calm me down but I pushed her away the second I started realising what was going on.

''You lied to me!'' I yelled. Tears were rolling down my cheeks without me controlling them by that time. ''My w-whole life!'' I yelled louder and suddenly the door swung open, my father standing there in the door frame exactly knowing what was going on.

My step mother jogged out of the room, crying whereupon my father closed the door behind of me and came two steps closer. ''You got anything to say?'' I said in a crying tone. ''Are you at least my father or are you just another fucking step father?'' I asked angrily, pulling fists out of my not calmed hands.

He breathed heavily in and out before he laid his hands on my upper arms saying ''Can we please talk on a not yelling basis about this?'' really quietly. I knew he was sorry for what had happened but he should've told me.

I let myself fall on to the red sheeted one person bed in the guest room and started to cry bitterly, covering my face with my hands.

''How could you do this to me? Don't you love me any bit?'' I said after a few seconds, my face full of tears and my dad rubbing my back. 

''I do honey, I love you with all that's left of me.'' he basically apologised but I didn't want to take the apologise. ''I just did not want you to grow up knowing your real mother is not here. I wanted you to have something... someone.'' my father looked down, sighing then.

''When?'' I asked and I knew my father knew that I meant when my mother died. ''What was her name? How old was she?'' I asked and knew it hurt him.

Sighing my father looked up to me right inside my eyes which hit my like a bus and said ''on the 28th of October 2001.'' 

''I was only four.'' 

''She was beautiful, 26, brown hair, really light blue eyes you could've gotten lost in and a smile just like yours. Julie.'' He ended the sentence and another tear escaped my eye. But by that time I wasn't as angry any more. ''cancer.'' my father added which made me cringe in pain again.

''Why is she so bad with Noah?'' I suddenly asked after about two minutes of me crying and thinking and not looking at my dad.

He sighed again not saying anything for a while before he licked over his lips and spoke. ''When you two were about five...'' he paused and I looked up to him. ''you were playing and I had known Jade for a few months, you already called her mum and she made you so happy.'' My father looked me right into the eyes and mumbled. ''She wanted to be her.. for you.'' he breathed hardly in and out. ''She cooked dinner for us and Noah and her mum.. (pause) when she was cooking she kindly asked Noah to help her since Julie used to do the same. And Noah used to love it.'' I smiled for about a second but frowned the again at the thought of my real mother.