A Heart's Desire | Negan x Maggie |

The Savior

Boy, does she look shitty. Poor little thing. Should have just put her out of her misery the first time 'round. Does beg the question, don't it? Why are you doing this old man? No – wait! I know why!

Negan clutched at his head as the laughter rang out, desperately trying to hush the Savior. Years in that cell only made the monster's voice fester; grow stronger. He couldn't take the silence, so his demons kept him company. Manifested themselves into a single form.

Seven years. From a hushed whisper across the shoulder to seeing him standing in the corner of his cell. The Savior became ever present, always observing. That hushed whisper only grew louder, real as the cycles passed endlessly.

The monster was a mirror image of himself, because who else could his demon possibly be? Younger, tall and strapping with a dashing yet sinister grin to his shadowed jaw. Before the graying hairs and isolation. When he was Negan, the leader of the Saviors. The Savior.

She. Is. Not. Lucille. This isn't your redemption arc, old man. No. Not for us! Not for monsters. We got lucky with her, didn't deserve her. And Maggie? What's the angle here with the widow? She has no reason to live. We killed the pappy to her boy, and then we put the boy himself to rest. You think bringing her to her friends is going to do anything? Change any of that?!

''You don't know a goddamned thing.'' Groaned out Negan in pain. He felt a splitting headache come on to him like a knife was piercing the back of his skull. He covered his ears, but he heard the Savior all the same.

She is a beauty, even broken like this. Wait - is that what this is all about? The Savior cocked his head, that shit-eating grin never leaving his lips.Years in a cell without some pussy?

''Lucille would have wanted me to try! Okay?! You fucking bastard. Why can't you just leave me the hell alone! I...I'm trying to be what she always saw in me. I owe Maggie and them all for what I did. It'll never be enough, I know that. But I need to try.''

Lucille would have wanted us to stay! There it was. That anger, the wrath caged within. The monster. It was always us who felt the need to try, be stubborn about things. We weren't there when she needed us most, because we felt the need to try! That was on you, old man. The weak man that you are, unable to bear the anguish. So you left Lucille alone! You! And for what? She just wanted it to be over, and us by her side before she closed her eyes forever. But we weren't, were we? When she needed us most...we weren't there. We left her in that house alone, when we should have fulfilled our promise to show her the world one last time.

Negan grit his teeth and let the tears fall silently. He didn't say anything, couldn't as his vision blurred from the tears and his heart twisted from the truth. It was only after moments had passed that he could say something, but all he could let out was a shuddered breath.

All Negan could think of was Lucille's gorgeous smile, slowly fading and growing pained as the years passed. The news of the cancer made sure she never smiled like she used to, but he tried nonetheless. He should have accepted the change, but he couldn't. He didn't want to let her go.

Letting go was always his problem. Power, lust, his wrath. Never could quite put them down for good. Even when Lucille passed, he still couldn't let her go. Named a stupid baseball bat after her, and for what? All he did was tarnish her name.

Negan shook off the hand that grabbed his shoulder, scowled at the look of pity his monster gifted him.

''I hate you, Negan.'' uttered the man with pure vitriol laced into his tone. He wasn't looking at the monster before him, but down at his own hands as he uttered those words. They were stained with blood in his eyes. Dripping red with pools of it collecting at his feet. There was red everywhere. All he saw was red.