Harry potter and the descent into darkness

Chapter 31

Severus came to stand before the gargoyle entrance to the headmaster's office and took a deep calming breath as he quickly locked away all of his conflicting emotions tightly behind his occlumency shields.

The last month had been both enlightening and trying on his patience. Going back to the Dark had brought an amalgam of emotions to the surface that he had spent a decade suppressing. But if he was being totally honest with himself, the most prominent emotion of them all had been... relief.

Potter had been right about one thing. Serving the Light had most certainly not been fulfilling. Everything about aiding the Light had felt wrong. It made his skin itch with disgust and frustration. He was a Dark Wizard and the Dark was where he belonged. If it hadn't been for his guilt and his strong emotional ties to Lily, he never, never would have gone to Dumbledore.

Allowing himself to become the servant to the Light Lord had been the one thing he had regretted most about his life, but he couldn't leave the man. He was trapped. Dumbledore's protection was the only thing that kept him out of Azkaban. He argued with himself that he had a decent enough life. He had a job that he could... tolerate, a regular income, a roof over his head, and freedom. Well, relative freedom.

But now with the Dark Lord back, he had an alternative. Before it was stay with Dumbledore or face the dementors. Now he had somewhere else to turn. Somewhere he felt far more at home turning to. He belonged with the Dark, and he held the Dark Lord with reverence and respect. True, he also feared the man. You would have to be insane not to. But he had always felt the draw to the Dark, and when the Dark Lord came into power during Severus's youth, he had been drawn to the Dark Lord like a moth to flame. His desire to remain by the man's side had never waned, but his love and loyalty to Lily Evans had been his one weak point.

A weakness that Albus Dumbledore had exploited to gain himself a spy and a servant.

Being the master of deception that he was, Severus had not had any problems concealing his conflicting emotions over the last month. But Albus had been utterly oblivious during that time. He had had no reason to give any of Severus's behavior any deeper analyzing. Now the Headmaster would know he had been to see the Dark Lord. Now he would be watching to make sure that Severus was remaining loyal. Now would truly test Severus's skill as a double agent.

Steeling himself he stood tall and spoke the password to the gargoyle. Peanut Butter Cups. He sneered in distaste at the old man's idiotic obsession with sweets as he stepped onto the spiral staircase and climbed up to the double-doors that entered the headmaster's office.

"Come in Severus," the old man's voice sounded from behind the door before his hand had even reached out to grasp the handle. He had expected this of course. He knew damn well that the headmaster had proximity wards that alerted him to when someone, and whom, approached his office.

Severus pulled open the door and stepped inside, quickly making his way to sit down in the chair opposite the headmaster's desk.

Dumbledore looked tired and his face was lined with worry, but Severus could see that there was something hidden behind his eyes. Something kept masterfully hidden.

"Severus, you were gone for a very long time. I was beginning to grow worried," Dumbledore said.

I'm sure you were... worried you would lose your spy.

"I am as well as could be expected."

"What happened? Has he... has he truly returned?"

"He has. Apparently he has had a body for quite some time, in fact. He has been preparing and warding his new stronghold while secretly making contact with a select few of his old followers. Tonight was the first time he called a group of us back to his side."