The Philosophy of Love

In the Eyes

The days came in, one after the other, like always. Each day, a repeat of the last and so on and so fourth. Even with the knowledge of the Triwizard Tournement, Severus found himself restless. His mark would pain him, his upper back ached when he woke up and he couldn't get off to sleep. Dumbledores stark warning that the Dark Lord would return danced around in his head until his heart would pound.
He hated to admit it, to even contemplate such an admission, but he was many things, and frightened was one of them. He knew too well the cruelty that would be waiting for him, the rib wracking heaves of breath he'd taken after a bout of the cruciatus curse, the degradation and the immense pressure of playing two roles for two masters. He wasn't afraid of dying, he was afraid of the pain and humiliation, but he knew, the notion etched into the core of who he is and all he'll be: that the hardest victory is over one's self.

He became acutely aware of just how much he was looking forward to time away from the castle on Friday morning, by Friday afternoon, he could have sworn time was passing backwards, just to spite him. His back still ached, his left arm was still sore from his run in with the possessed cabbage and Hagrid had stepped on his cloak as they were walking by mistake, almost decapitating him but instead leaving him on the floor, head on shoulders still,  with a bruise and mild whiplash. Of course, the kindly game keeper came undone with emotion, apologising over and over. Severus didn't have the heart to snap at him when he was plucked off the ground and almost sent flying as the half giant tried to dust him off. Minerva had witnessed the whole incident and was practically wheezing with laughter at the sight. He fixed her in his sharpest gaze which made her snort, likely due to the stray leaf stuck in his hair.

He'd forgone breakfast, opting for coffee. He relished the half term breaks when there were no students and he could savour his favourite breakfast on the castle grounds with no students: coffee and a cigarette. Or two. He'd managed a decent lunch by his standards but spent his evening trying to coax a suit of armour into releasing the headlock it had on a third year hufflepuff boy, as he'd seen fit to try and fart in the helmet to see if it echoed, the suit of armour was most disgruntled. Rightly so.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he made his way to his chambers, collected his bruise salve, not that he wanted to encourage the punching of Sirius Black, and made his way to through the castle to the apparition point. He wondered, as he walked, why she chose Chesterfield. There wasn't a particularly large wizarding population there in spite of the old spires twist which was, despite muggle explanations, caused by a botched weather charm. He appreciated the choice however, being that his own home was not overly far from the town. He wondered where she grew up in relation to Spinners End.

"Ah, just the man! You're off for an academic discussion, Severus?"

Dumbledore had ambushed him as he reached the apparition point.

"Yes, headmaster. Is there something you wish to ask me about? Some noble thing you must get off your chest?" Severus asked.

"No, but please convey my warmest regards to dear Saoirse for me, if you'd be so kind." Dumbledore said bowing his head ever so slightly.

Severus nodded his agreement and spun on the spot, reappearing from the swirl of apparition in a churchyard the other side of the town. He made his way through the streets, muggles were crowding into pubs for their weekends worth of merriment. Severus crinkled his nose in disgust at the stale smell of the ales and beers that carried as he passed each pub. He arrived at the great door of the twisted church, it was exactly 7pm. His eyes scanned the crowd for a sight of the short woman, trying desperately to remember what she looked like, all he could remember was her hair, which struck Severus as odd as he was generally speaking pretty good with remembering faces.

"Severus, thank you for coming! Shall we?" The red haired witched gestured down a side street. "I drove; I do hope you don't mind."

"Why on earth would you drive? I can apperate us if you're unable." He offered.