My Best Friend's Brother

Chapter 17

After the initial morning, things improved significantly. Thor took me out for breakfast to apologize properly, just the two of us. I sat quietly across from him, listening and sipping my water with occasional smiles to myself. Thor is my best friend, and I couldn't stay mad at him for long. We reconciled and hugged, and I felt much better after drinking five bottles of water that Thor insisted I consume. Sif also joined us; she was visiting this part of Asgard to see family and was nervous to meet me. Thor smiled when she approached our table. I never would have guessed that the best fighter in Asgard would be intimidated by a tiny elf like me.

Everything appeared normal except for Loki. Since the night I had fallen asleep holding his hand, I felt a greater connection with him. However, it became clear that the feeling was not reciprocated. Loki seemed oddly distant and rarely spoke to me. When he did, it was brief and abrupt, as if he couldn't bear my presence. This hurt me more than being dehydrated.

At first, I considered discussing the matter with him. However, I ultimately concluded that his behaviour was due to exhaustion, so I decided to drop the subject. Nevertheless, I sensed that something was amiss during our journey back to Asgard. In an effort to surprise him, I purchased a Nectar drink from a nearby shop. While giving it to him, an elderly woman remarked on how adorable we looked together. Despite my innocent smile, Loki appeared mortified and swiftly departed, beckoning for me to follow him. From that moment on, we were never alone until we reached our destination. I remained seated beside Thor for the duration of the trip, observing as he and Loki conversed, though the latter seemed more reserved than usual. I cannot help but wonder what is troubling him.

After our carriage ride home, Loki joined us. My younger siblings rushed out to greet us with open arms. We hugged them and confirmed their suspicions that we had brought presents. Thor invited Loki to come inside with us, but he declined politely. I was surprised when Loki asked to speak to me privately. Naively, Thor and I looked at each other and he nodded.
"See you inside," Thor patted my shoulder and walked in. I approached Loki with a small feeling of dread in my stomach. Whenever someone says they want to talk, it never ends well, no matter what realm you're in.

Loki guides us to a grassy area that overlooks the water. I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back. He keeps his hands clasped behind his back in an uncomfortable manner. After everyone is inside, he approaches me. I am mildly perplexed as I ask.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Loki takes his time before answering. He avoids eye contact and has been acting weirder than usual. I wonder if something is wrong. I initially thought he might just be tired from the trip, but my thoughts started to falter as he spoke again "Loki, what did you want to talk about?"
"About us," he immediately responded, still unable to look in my direction. A drop of sweat rolled down the back of my neck.
"What about us? Is something wrong?" My mouth spilled out as I racked my brain trying to figure out what he could be talking about. Loki let out a frustrated huff.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"What's obvious?" I had no idea what he was referring to, which he noticed.
"We've gone too far, Will... Lady Featherwine," he made himself correct my name. That caught my attention; he rarely calls me that anymore and it's usually in jest. But this time he was entirely serious, and it worried me. My lips spattered slightly.
"What did we do? We didn't do anything. All we did was hold hands one night."
"Don't mention that to me!" Loki's voice suddenly raised, alarming me. I blinked, purely in shock for a minute. It sounded like that was a painful memory to him. Wait, painful? Why would it be painful?! It wasn't painful for me! It was one of the best nights of my life in fact. What about that night could possibly be painful to him? My hand rose up to my pounding chest, but it was beating for all the wrong reasons. Nervously so now. The Prince sighed gravely, shutting his eyes and letting a moment pass before continuing "I'm sorry, Miss Featherwine; the fault is mine. I let you get... I got... We got too attached, you and I."
"Attached? But we're supposed to be attached. Isn't that the point of friendship?" I asked, totally confused.
"Yes, but not between you and me. We have different life paths- we are bound for different roads." My eyes slowly widened on their own accord. What is he saying? He went on "I am meant to run the Asgard estate, and you... You're going to get married." Why is he telling me all this? I don't want to hear it.
"You are going to marry a man... a good man. You'll go to university and get your PhD. You'll get your dream and he'll get you. You deserve this future, with a husband like him... one who can give you children."
"Children? But I can't...." I can't have children. Traditional marriage may be in the cards for me, but I could not have a traditional family. My hand quivered against my heart. I didn't like this. it was painful to hear. It hurt to hear Loki of all people say this to me.
"I cannot give you what you require to be happy, Lady Featherwine," he said as his eyes slowly reopened.
"But I never asked you to! We don't need to get married or have kids! I just want to stay near you,"
"And do you really think that wise? With how much our affections have grown already?" He had a hint of harshness in his tone. I didn't care; I just shook my head.
"But what's wrong with that?! It's normal for friends to develop a bond the more time they share. You told me once it felt natural for you, having me near. Is that so bad? It's the same for me! I love being with you, Loki! You make me so incredibly happy!"
"Don't say that!" He shot back angrily. My hands balled into fists.
"Why not?! It's true! Don't you think we should be open with each other? Don't you think that will bring us closer together?" His body was full-on facing mine now in a defensive position. His own arms were down at his sides revealing his own fists.
"Yes! I don't want to be closer together!" My jaw dropped in utter disbelief; my foot slid back a step. What did I do? What's wrong? Why is this so bloody painful? It feels like someone's ripping open my chest and tearing my heart out, artery by artery. This was the first time Loki showed any remorse, once he got a look at the hurt in my expression. My eyes wandered out into space; my mouth hung open, unable to close by itself. It hurts. This, whatever it was, hurt like crazy. I hated it.
"What did I do that was so wrong?" This remarkably tense moment of pressure fell between us, with me hugging myself and Loki looking repentant. His lips parted soon enough, though.
"I'm sorry, Lady Featherwine; I'm sorry. It's not you; you did nothing wrong. It is me. I made a vow to never remarry before I met you. I'm sorry, I must keep that vow. I can't let him win. I can't, not after all he's put me through. I've suffered too much; this would just be giving him more of what he wants from me. I'm done playing his game. I must keep my vow." I didn't care enough to ask what vow or who this he that Loki was referring to was. I merely stood there, shaking uncontrollably trying to hold myself. It felt... it felt like he was breaking up with me, odd as that may sound. One thing's for sure: I knew going forward past this, it would never be the same. All those happy, wonderful, enchanting moments of blissful friendship we shared- were gone in a flash. The very idea made tears swell up in the corners of my eyes, though I did my best not to cry. My lips parted the tiniest sliver, waiting for words to form in my cotton throat.
"I thought you and I were friends." Loki looked me straight in the eye.
"You and I cannot be friends. This ends here." It was as if the earth opened beneath my feet and swallowed me whole. All I could do at that moment was stare- stare and remember how happy it used to make me... when he smiled. Our eyes locked and neither of us said anything. But Loki finally clasped his hand back behind him. His head lowered a tad.
"Take care of yourself, Lady Featherwine," his heel then turned to walk away. At the sight of this, my reflexes took over control. I don't want him to go. Loki's such a dear friend of mine. But he was right about one thing though. I've grown so attached to him already. I can't imagine what life would be like without him; without hearing the sound of his voice. And now he is walking away. I don't want that. I can't lose him.

Without even thinking, my hand reached out and grabbed the bottom of his jacket just before it slipped out of my grasp. I could feel the fabric in my fingers, which stopped him in his tracks. When he turned back to face me, his face was either blushing or red with anger because of my actions.
"... Loki... I," Immediately horrified by my own actions, my hand flung itself back, both raising in front of me. It all happened so fast, but when I saw his face again. His eyes told me that he would rather be somewhere else than be with me.
"Forget about me," It was my turn to spin around and dart off in the opposite direction.

I continued to run, increasing my pace until I was confident that I had put a safe distance between myself and Loki. After a few minutes of uninterrupted jogging, I decided to take a breather at the park close to the bay. Gazing out into the tranquil waters, I allowed myself to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. My chest was pounding like a drum. I should have run back home and crawled into bed, shutting the world away. I don't know why it hurt so much but it did and it was unbearable.

Thor had rung me several times. I told him that I wanted to be alone. He laughed and asked Heimdall to find me.
"I will be there soon," No less the 5 minutes later, Thor arrived. He must have used his hammer to fly here.

"Willow?!" He called out. He spotted me by the flowers. I saw him and stood up. With a very heavy heart, I began stepping forward very hesitantly. My legs were as wobbly as jelly. My lips stayed permanently parted. My arms lay lifeless at my sides "Willow? What happened?"
"No, I don't want this. Isn't there another way? Why does it have to be like this?" I started sobbing. I wrapped my arms around myself as I was cold "I don't want this! I want to hear the sound of his voice. I want to make him as happy as humanly possible,"
"Who are you on about?" Thor took his cape off and wrapped it around me.
"I'm so sad. I'm going to drown in sadness, it's that thick and high. Oh god, if I knew it was going to hurt this much, I wish I'd never met him! It would have been better if I never laid eyes on him!" A tear dripped down my cheek; my jaw clenched "I don't understand these feelings!"
"Willow... talk to me," Thor wiped the first tear away.
"Why do I want to see him so badly? Why do I want to hold his hand once more? There must be a reason. There must be an explanation why this is so painful," As the tear rolled down my cheek, I instinctively lifted my hand to wipe it away. My gaze followed the droplet down to the bandage wrapped tightly around my palm. Overcome with emotion, I crumpled to my knees on the hard concrete, my arms hanging limply by my side. I couldn't hold back the flood of tears that came pouring out of me. My sobs echoed through the street as I wept uncontrollably, my vision blurred by the tears. Eventually, I uttered Loki's name, and it was then that Thor understood my pain. Without a word, he scooped me up into his arms, cradling me gently as he carried me away.
"I got you," he whispered. I just sobbed into his shoulder.

I spent the next few days in my room. I couldn't face the world just yet. And thankfully, Lady Boylen hadn't heard of my heartache. I had told Thor everything when we got back to the house. He didn't seem angry but I wonder if he was staying calm for my benefit of Asgard's.
"He hates me," I mumbled into the pillows. I was lying overtop the covers on my bed with my head on the pillow. Sif sat by the window while Thor was sitting on the edge of the bed, listening to me and gently patting my hair from time to time. I'll give him this; he can be comforting when she wants to be. I gripped both sides of my pillow in agony.
"Loki doesn't hate you."
"Yes, he does. He said he doesn't want to be closer... That we can't be friends." Thor sighed.
"Seriously, how did you get into Masters? You're so thick."
"I am an academic! I read books and go to lectures. This... emotion or whatever I am feeling is all new to me. I've never felt this way about anyone before,"
"I see. So because you're not an expert and can't study this at a library, you're going to give up? Not worth the effort?" There was a mocking tone in her voice. I glared at the wall, which was pointless; it was only to make me feel better.
"It's not like that and you know it. I can't make Loki do anything he doesn't want to do. And I don't want to do that. I care about him too much." I mumbled into my pillow. I turned my head slightly to see Sif and Thor smiling at each other.
"How can you not see it?" Sif sighed, munching on an apple.
"See what?"
"That you're in love with him! And he's over the moon for you." Hearing this didn't shock me as much as you might it would. I hesitated, shutting my eyes.
"Even if that's true, there's nothing I can do about it now. He's gone." Sif waited a minute, then let out another short sigh.
"Why not just ask him out?"
"What?!" I jerked up from my pillow, eyes enlarged.
"It would solve everything. You could ask him to marry you. You'd get your PhD trust fund and marry the man of your dreams. Plus he has a title; a good title. I am pretty sure that your siblings would approve,"
"He does have a title and he does check off every box. Objectively he is the ideal candidate for a husband. Not just for me but anyone." I caught Thor smiling at me just then, confusing me a little "What?" I asked, Thor shook his head.
"You should ask him." My eyes lowered sadly.
"I can't."
"Why not?" Thor crossed his arms.
"Because he has this vow he made; he made it before he met me." I have to respect his wishes.
"So?"
"So I can't ask him to break it. It wouldn't be right."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Sif couldn't have rolled her eyes harder "Do you know of this vow?" Sif looked at Thor. He shrugged.
"This is news to me,"
"I don't know and I'm not going to ask," I stated firmly.
"You're going to lose Loki over something so trivial?" Thor sighed.
"It's clearly not trivial to him." I sat up, bringing my knees to my chest "I have no right to ask him to break it on my account. That's not what love is."
"This isn't one of your moral medieval tales. Being in a relationship means compromise- you can be a little selfish. No one expects you to act like a self-sacrificing saint."
"We are not in a romantic relationship, just friends. If I have feelings for him, shouldn't I be allowed to express them in my own way? It would be selfish to ask him to break any commitments he has made. A man who truly cares for me would never ask me to give up my aspirations, such as pursuing a PhD. Even if it is unconventional, I don't want to pressure Loki into doing something he doesn't want to do. I would never want to cause him any harm." I flopped back onto the bed, slamming the pillow on my face. Thor lifted the pillow off my face. His eyes were soft.
"What are you looking at?"
"You really are a different breed. You didn't get that from your father."
"No; must have been my great uncle," and we laughed. Meanwhile, my grin began to fade; sorrow swelling inside me once more "I miss him, Thor,"
"I know; I know you do," he patted the side of my head.
"It doesn't get easier, does it?" Sif sighed heavily.
"Well, I suppose it will... eventually." Well, that is just great. Reading my face, Sif's head lowered a bit "Don't worry, Willow. Things will get better."
"I doubt it. If this is love, I don't want it. I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to go through that ever again,"
"Mmmmm, I get the feeling you won't," she shrugged. I looked at her perplexed, to which she grinned "The next man you love will be your husband, won't it?"