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Oneshot #3 Su Xinhao; Part I

Su Xinhao POV:

𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕣𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕤𝕚𝕕𝕖...𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖

I never once regret living the life I have now. To be honest I grew up as a secretly fragile guy, on the outside I always act tough. That was what my father taught me, since I was born in a rich family with so many competitors I was made to look confident and know the ropes of working in our business because one day I would be taking over. My father controlled most parts of my life, so being with my friends and getting into trouble seemed fun for me. 

One time I got into trouble with my dad and he was probably going to scold me. I went to school early that day so that he wouldn't see me and scolded me immediately. I spent most of my day ignoring my friends and stayed on the rooftop, overthinking about how things would go when I went home. I was even thinking of running away, before I could even plot it someone busted through the door, obviously angry. "Zhang Ji curse you!!!!" She screamed and I just laughed at the mention of my best friend. She fell crying while hugging her knees. I stood up about to leave for her privacy but she suddenly sounded like she couldn't breathe. I ran to the cafeteria to get her water and I immediately ran to the rooftop just to give it to her. When I got there she disappeared. 

It's been a few months, I got to know the girl and I always looked out for her. Slowly without realizing it, I fell in love with her.

𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤, 𝕨𝕖 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕒 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤

I've been waiting for her on the rooftop since we would meet each other secretly. Our relationship was a secret mainly because of my status which she doesn't really know but she respected it. I'm scared to make it public because I don't think she'll be ready to face the pressures I'm going through and it's better to keep it a secret first just to be careful. There's a part of me that also thinks my dad won't agree with it, he probably thinks she's just a distraction. My mom figured it out though. She told me I somehow always seemed happy, in a way I didn't used to be. It was her motherly instinct that knew. I'm thankful she respects my choices about keeping it a secret but she also really wants to meet her.

The date went on and I got her flowers and gave her a box full of notes, 365 to be exact. One she could read every single day for a whole year. Notes to keep her happy and to cheer her up, it was hard thinking of what to say without repeating them, I wanted them to be special, just like her. She changed my life, I felt like I had a purpose. People say their first love feels so special and sweet, now I know what it feels and they were right.

𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕕 𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕥? 𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕀 𝕜𝕚𝕤𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕣? 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕤𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕥 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕓𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥...

That was 2 months ago...remember when I said I never regret the life I'm living now? Well now I am. I lost the girl, I had no choice but to ghost her a few weeks ago. Someone caught us and we went trending and of course my father was bound to find out and when he did, he scolded me. He kicked me out of the house while my mother wasn't home so no one could intervene with his decision. It's been a week and I guess my father missed his eldest son so he asked for my forgiveness. Well maybe my mom forced him to, I guess I'll never know. He allowed me to get together with her again, this time letting us go public as long as he meets her first. He probably realized that she made me happy and I deserved someone like her.

Hearing this I felt so happy again, I messaged her to meet me at the rooftop. As I got there I waited minutes that then turned to hours. I kept calling her and as I lost patience I went to her friends asking if they knew her whereabouts. They informed me they haven't seen her for weeks and that I should go check out her apartment. So I did that, I ran to her apartment knowing where she lived and no one answered. "Are you looking for my niece?" My dad's friend, who I met during a gathering asked. Wait....she's her aunt?! "Um....yes, if you're talking about the girl who lives in this condo." I answered. "She's not here, she finally agreed to her dad's decision to take her back to their house and continue living there. She told us that even if she loved her friends and she loved staying and studying here, she was having trouble. She wanted to leave so bad. Didn't you know?" She told me while she was opening the door. I offered to help her bring her things inside as I replied with a no. I asked if I could get her whereabouts and if I could see her but she didn't allow me. 

𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕤𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕥 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕓𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥, 𝕎𝕙𝕪 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥 𝕚𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥? 'ℂ𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕀'𝕞 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤~

"I knew you from her stories that you both loved each other so much but for the sake of her well being....and as her aunt I'm not allowing you to. When you got exposed she needed you, instead you abandoned her, probably getting in trouble or being scolded by your father but even so after that she told me you didn't even bother getting in touch with her. We realized that her world is so different from yours. She can't and wouldn't be able to take the pressure from everything you've experienced like having your whole life be exposed to the public, even if some things are kept a secret. I'm sorry Xinhao but this is my duty as her aunt." I just said okay and told her my appreciation for letting me in and telling me everything. Before I left she gave me back the box of notes I gave her on our date months ago.

That day I went back to the rooftop to clear my head out as I got there it started to rain. With that I just let everything out. I cried so hard, knowing after everything she's been through then just leaving her at the time she really needs me was so stupid of me. I cried as I was drenched going home, my parents didn't bother, they let me be. It's summer vacation now... school ended months ago. 

Even if I continued living my life without her presence I still missed her. The boys tried cheering me up and I guess I was starting to move on and be happy but I was still thinking about her and kept on remembering our days together...I read each of my notes for her that were left. I counted how many remained in the box and some were missing, she probably took them or opened them already. As I got to the bottom of the box there was a photo of us together, something that wasn't there when I gave it to her. With it was a goodbye letter....I wished things were different but I know I can't go back in time and change things. So I wished that things would be easy for her now. I hope that she's doing better and that she's okay. Everyday I just have a sudden thought of what she could be doing right now or where she could be. I regret not being able to fight for her...for us.