My Light. a Minsung Story

He is my Light.

«Lino-yah wait up!» I call out to my closest friend of all times. We're currently 14 and as things begin to change, something in me begins to change as well.

The way I see him besides his sisters, he shines so bright, he seems the happiest out of all 3, he seems like the person he always admired so much.

I started to realize that I was different from others, I didn't like girls in a romantic way, I didn't just like my best friend for being my best friend.

No. I love him. I loved him and I forever will.

Him who has brought so much joy into my depressing life, him who has showed me how to live my life despite having strict, abusive parents, him who brought me to who I am right now.

Allthough I lived in denial for a quite long time, I found that I felt most comfortable around him. That was it, that was my awakening, I didn't just want to give him a clap to show that we're friends, no. I wanted to give him a clap to feel his hand on mine, I hugged him so often to smell the scents on his jacket, I looked at him so much because I couldn't (and I still can't) take my eyes off of him. I am in love with my best friend and I was going to confess my feelings that day.

After school ended we met up behind the school and I looked at him. "I'm sorry.." I scratched the back of my head in a shy way, waiting for an answer. "sorry about what?" he asks. I panic inside, "I don't want our friendship to end in shambles but..Lee Minho..I love you..More than a best friend, more than a brother, I want to feel-" he interrupts me mid sentence and just kisses me.

My legs getting weaker as he loosens the kiss and gives me a look I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. Blushing, I ask him what this meant now and in an excited way he answers that starting from that day on, he'll be my boyfriend no matter what it took.

This brings me to today, we are now 18, enrolled in a musical university, and so many things changed except for one, we stayed the same, for such a long time, we not once ever wanted to be apart.

"What changed?" you might be asking yourself. I had to move out, next to university I work as a restaurant server to be able to afford my studio apartment, my new best friend is Haneul, which is Linos triplet sister, his other triplet sister, my friend, Nozoe, is dating Lino's best friend, my maternal and Changbins Paternal cousin, Bahng Chan. My male best friend and paternal cousin, Hyunjin apparently developed a secret crush on my boyfriend, he thought he wasn't obvious but once we confronted him he promised to not try anything on Lino.

Today, it was our National day off and Lino and his sister, Haneul came over and as Lino and I were cuddling, Hannie just played some Mario Kart before going back home to give us some alone time. As we turned on the TV and shared cuddles, he grabbed my arm gently and wiped over it, he didn't know what happened the night before and that was where he had paused the TV.

"Jisung.." He looks slightly disappointed, as I was trying to zone back in since I was completely gone he strikes my face with his fingers so gently that tears started to form in the corner of my eyes, all the memories coming back up "I told you to call me.." he said, his voice is shaking and so am I.

"I'm sorry" in an ashamed tone I let that out, knowing it wouldn't change a thing, he gently pulls me into the bathroom and gets his bandages out. While looking at my arm, to figure out the best way to Bandage it, he stops moving, as he widens his eyes I realize what he had just seen.

"Jisung, why? You never went that deep..I can see almost all the way through to your.." he stops mid sentence as he has to gag, I look in the other direction, hissing slightly as he applies the cream and wound healing spray. After finishing up my arms, in a strict tone he asks "are there other places?" I make eye contact with him and for the first time in a while, I've seen him genuinely worried, I can see the tears rolling down his face as I nod.

I can't handle to see him cry and so I just hug him, while pressing his head into my chest (since I was sitting on the toilet and he was kneeling infront of me, that was my only choice) and we both start crying, him just repeating "I told you to call me, hell I even called you" over and over again and me, apologizing over and over again. He gently loosened the hug and with teary eyes I showed him my thighs and he just bandaged them without saying another word.

As we got out of the bathroom, he pulls me into this gentle, long hug, I can feel his heart racing with anger, he's mad...but not at me..he's mad at himself.. "Lino please..don't be mad at yourself" he lifts his head off my shoulder and looks me in the eyes "how?" he pauses.. "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO BE MAD?" I flinch as he yells and he quickly apologizes.

"I could've checked your room better, I could've checked your house better last time I was there to see if you had anything to relapse..Jisung I'm sorry for yelling..I didn't intend to trigger your trauma but this is not okay. Promise me that from now on, you will actually call me when the thoughts arise, you will call me once you're about to..and I'll be on my way" After a very long pause on my side I nod and he pulls me into that hug again, seeing the light at the end of this god awful tunnel shine brighter as I realize there is someone who actually cares, someone who actually listens to me, someone who loves me more than I could've ever imagined.