When the World goes up in Smoke

Dear Daddy

3rd October 1983

dear daddy

i know u r my daddy, but mumy says I am not allowd to call u that. i am also not alowd to call her mumy, which is ok, becos sumtimes when she is hapy she allows me to call her mumy. 

but I don't know how to spel u're names, so I need to write mumy and daddy. today she is not very happy, so I can't call her that.

everyday mummy says that u left us because u didnt like me very much, and u didn't want me to be in yur family. she tells me that I sent u away, and that I am the reason she is so sad. Is that why u left us daddy? when she tells me that I feel very sad, so I always try make her feel happy. i think that if I make mummy happy enough, she can forget how angry she is, but it hasnt worked yet.

today she was very angry at me, but I don't know why. she never tells me why she's angry daddy. but when mummy gets very angry, she likes to throw things daddy. 

i try my best not to make her angry daddy, promise. 

i always be very quiet, and always only speak when I am spohken too. and when she starts to throw things at me, I makes sure to stand very still so she doesn't miss. 

i dont have eneewon else to talk to, so sometimes I feel lonelee. but then I feel sad, and angry with me, because I know that if I was not born,u would not have left us. i am sorree for being born daddy. 

i try to tell mummy I am soree too, but she always just gets more angry, so I stopped saying it to her. and then I have to stand very still again. 

today I have to stand very still for a long time daddy, and now everything hurts again. but it's ok daddy, because I am making mummy happy. 

i wish I could see u dady, but i know that u don't like me, so that's ok. 

i am so very very sorree for being born dady, honest.

-jade