Heaven wait (Hashirama x Madara)

6. Vanilla ice cream cherry lips (Madara)

I had thought it would be a turning point for me.

My life had never been so full of love, of lust, of normality.

But it didn't. It didn't turn for me. In Sri Lanka, I fucked up everything. It started with my assistant phoned me and told me he quit, screaming at me that he'd never worked under such conditions as those I provided. Well, I didn't even know I had had an assistant, must have forgotten him in between the lines I did, so he must have been right. But he must have been splendid at his job because as soon as he quit, my life fell apart in a way that I didn't even know was possible.

All the phone calls were directed to me, and I said yes to basically everything, meaning the following weeks involved more air travel than I'd done in the entire past year. I had never before experienced not knowing which country I was in when I woke up. How I managed to book the correct flights and good hotel rooms for myself, I had no idea.

I tried to catch up with H whenever I could, but sometimes, I missed his calls, and then I got myself too drunk to remember to call back. I drenched my fright of losing him in cocaine, meaning I pushed myself further away from him as I didn't want him to see me in my increasingly deteriorating state. Not that he ever made me feel bad in any way. When I managed a video call, he was always kind, and always worried without ever being mean.

But I kept burning the candle at both ends. I did well at work, of course, but only because my lowest level was so high, because God know I was at my lowest level.

Heaven, wait. I can't keep up. Just stop the planet for a day or two so I can get some sleep.

Ever been so tired it felt as if though you were about to have a seizure?

Then one day, I woke up to the unmistakeable heat and atmosphere of a Southern European country. When I looked outside my window, I saw trees with beautiful light blue flowers. It was as if they were bluebell trees.

I walked around my suite; a good one, with marbles and golds and soft yellows. I did a line before I went to the gym where I ran for half an hour and lifted weights for one; I had a model's body to maintain no matter how fucked up my life was. I showered before I went down to breakfast, enjoying the sweet treats that were always on the morning menu in countries here. I knew I was in Spain, judging by the operative system my phone had connected itself to, but I didn't really know which city. Definitely not Barcelona or Madrid; I had been to both and would recognise them in a heartbeat. Despite, I would have been recognised long ago in those places. I didn't want to ask the staff either; it would sound ridiculous, a hotel guest asking which city they were in.

Well, according to my schedule, I had a photo shoot for Versace together with a modelling colleague, and a car would pick me up at lunch. When I went to get ready, I saw I had a message from H.

And it was the longest message he had ever written.

Secret online doctor lover: Hi, M. I just want to say that I am not upset with you for having lost touch. I have not given up on you, so you know. Unless you clearly ask me to stay out of your life, I will be here, and even then you can change your mind. If you are feeling unwell in any way, please know that I'm here for you, no matter if you want a distraction or solution, fluff or rough. I don't know where in the world you are right now, but I have something exciting to tell you! I'm abroad, and I'm about to try my hands at something that would make you VERY surprised, just saying ;) This was my attempt at lightening the mood, does it work? Good, pet. But I don't want to tell you what it is like this, over text. Not even on video. I want to see your face when I tell you. I want to show you the result. M, I am waiting for you, and know that you mean the world for me, not because of what you provide for me in the form of comfort, but because of who you are. You are worthy. Yours, ALWAYS. H, xx.