Unkept Promises

Dr. Godbole's session - Part II

Abhiram's POV

Avi and I sat in quiet for those few minutes - none of us had uttered even a single word, but we did stare at each other. Her tears had subsided and the clearer her eyes became, the more intensely I could feel that raw pain emanating from their depths yet again. And, I am sure she could feel the apologies emanating through mine, along with pure regret, at least, I hope for her to have felt that.

"Now Abhiram, let's get to your feelings, alright? Tell me how you perceived the entire situation from an emotional perspective.", Dr. Godbole immediately got to the question at hand, but only after making sure that Avi and I had calmed down now.

"Doctor I, frankly speaking as of now I feel that I reacted to the situation in a completely different manner. Like, when I think of it now, my reaction was so much unlike me, unlike my normal behaviour. Even I feel perplexed at that. First of all, when I heard Kinjal's cries from the kitchen, I panicked. When we rushed in and I found her in front of Avi, I sensed that there must have been some sort of an argument."

I took a pause to compose myself.

"Doctor later seeing her clutching her belly in pain, I uttered such venomous words to Avantika, that I cannot even fathom what she must have felt in that moment. Along with everyone else, I was accusing her to be responsible for that situation. I was so harsh in that moment doctor, rather in that entire situation. The things I have said to her, I just do not know where I spewed all of that hatred from. It was as though a switch was flipped from within and I responded in a manner like I never had."

I struggled with explaining her all of my emotions of that time, because dissecting those emotions, those feelings seemed difficult for me in the first place.

"I want to be very honest with you doctor. How I reacted the way I did, why I did so, I am unable to find the answers to these questions."

I took another pause. I could sense Avi's gaze on me in between my words, but I was too ashamed to face her now, and I knew, if I did, I would not be able to regain the courage to speak more, and I could not afford not speaking.

As though sensing that I wanted to speak more, Dr. Godbole gave me an encouraging nod.

"Doctor, whilst she was admitted in the hospital, I had a few minutes where my mind recapitulated whatever I said to Avi, and in those minutes I regretted my words, and had decided that I would sincerely apologize and make up to her, but again when I heard about Kinjal losing the kid, I do not know how my mind switched back onto the path of bitterness and I found myself uttering even harsher words to Avantika. I especially lost my senses when Kinjal sobbed in front of me about how Avi accused her."

"Trust me Dr. Godbole, I am not making excuses, but asides of the fact that Kinjal is my sister and I felt the obvious pain for her, shared her grief, I do not know, rather, I do not understand the reason why I blatantly villainized my Avi, and kept on doing so for such a long period rather than understanding her just once. I do not know what it was that kept me from listening to her just once."

Dr. Godbole had a bit of perplexed expression on her face.

"Was all that anger about something which had previously happened between you and Avantika? Something which you had contained within yourself and found a vent in this situation?"

"Never doctor, nothing had happened. Whatever disagreements we used to have were always minor, and there too, thanks to the open communication we had amongst us, we would resolve them there itself. There was no remnant anger or any sort of bitter feelings.

"Why would I ever have any bitter feelings for her doctor? She's the best life partner I could have ever had and then some more."

If that was possible, and it was, Dr. Godbole's face contorted into even more confusion.