pearl ⇢ c. murphy

four.

some things are confessed in this one...xx

★

cillian sat back down at the seat, across from pearl who was in her own world. "i need you to know that i never wanted to not have a relationship with you. its not that i resent you or anything that has happened. i take pride and cherish that i am your godfather despite everything that has happened, i really do. but busy...she hasn't told you the full truth." cillian began getting the girls attention. she focused in on him, motioning for him to continue. he licked his bottom lip, "there were things that happened in your mams and i's past, before and after you that solidified things. things that don't necessarily involve you and certainly not busy. she doesn't know everything, your mam always assured me." he said calmly, and her mind began to run wild. "i know that you two, y'know were each others i guess first crush, but nothing more than that. i just know that when she left for the us you and her stopped talking, until you came out to california and then to new york and that's when she met my dad. and then they got married quickly and had me." she said, and he nodded. "yes but your mam and i were each others first love...and uh, when she left we broke up. we were quite young, we had just turned 19. then we got back together when i came to the us, and things were said and we broke up. she met your da, and i met my wife. busy i don't know, had a wishful crush on me? yet she knew...she knew i only had eyes for my wife and .... your mother. which i know is wrong, believe me. ive had me share of therapy but i don't know, like you said we were each others first crush then loves, and then things were just different after your father. then you were born, and vonne and i moved to britain, because i could have a career in theater there, and do more UK based projects. it wasn't because of you at all. besides, i knew once i met your da, i knew why your mam fell hard and fell fast. everybody could tell." he said and she nodded.

"only eyes for my mom and yvonne...does that mean?" he cut her off nodding.  "as horrible as it sounds, i would of left my wife to be with her and you. i mean.." he paused chuckling softly, "i did 2 times. but your mam put a stop to it the last time. which, resulted in me growing distant, which busy took as me being resentful. i never was, i just respected your ma's wishes and committed my life to my family. which you are a part of...we just all need some adjusting." he added. she cringed at everything, the information not settling well with her. "2012. it all makes fucking sense." she said chuckling softly. cillian's eyes focused in on the girl's reaction, "right before my birthday...you came up to la to do press before the dark knight rises came out and i remember my mom saying something about going up north for the weekend. just her and then after that, i didn't hear from you for 4 years. 4. fucking. years." she seethed, both of them connecting the docks. "i overheard busy talking about you and the lake house we ended up moving into. i should have known." she said shaking her head. "pearl.." he said softly, "you say you love me like your own, and always looked out from me even from afar...you didn't even fight to see me. when you knew." she paused, tears threatening to spill. "you knew that i always looked to you, as a father. you knew i thought of you that way, hell i even invited you to parents day, remember? i sent invitations for father-daughter dances- which you never responded to. and now i understand why you didn't speak to us for four years, to me. you think you know whats best for me, clearly you don't. because you would have never, never, woven yourself into my life over and over again only to pull away when it wasn't convenient anymore. when it all became too real." she seethed, drinking more of her drink. the waitress set the food down, and the two stalled the conversation for a few minutes.