What was I made for?

Part 1 : How am I doing?

I have so many things to tell you guys about... But I don't know where to begin, so let me start with how am I doing exactly?

My name is Celine, an ordinary girl who lives this life just like anyone else. But as time passed by, Celine starts to questions what is the meaning of life exactly?

Celine has been doing a lot you know. Born as a girl live in no poverty, with everything she needs always on her hands. Don't get her wrong though, she is not a crazy rich girl like you guys would imagine. Just, she has a life where she is not lacking of what she needs. Has amazing parents that always makes her happy, at least made her happy.

Life begin to be fucked up as time passes by, almost can't go to college without any scholarship, love one betrayed her and parents changed. No one, no one she can really rely to in this world anymore.

Although she is a very easy going, friendly and extrovert girl, she felt an emptiness coming inside her chest. Makes her think that she is all alone in this world. Stuck in an endless fight of life and survival which she don't even have any Idea what is the objective she needs to achieve after all of the hardships she came through. 

She able to passed all though tho. To the extent when she need to give up on her dreams and begin to be realistic of how the world is working. She begin to work endlessly without able to enjoy life as how she wants to..

"Life is so unfair, what did I do so wrong to be in here right now?" she said with tears every night before sleeps.

Her parents could never fix their mistakes and make her be the one that need to take the burden to be responsible of everything. Responsible of her own self and her parents life.

She is waiting, waiting to be saved by someone. Waiting for someone coming to her, pick her up and says "I'm going to save you" and live happily ever after. But of course that won't happen as this is not a fairy tale.

Oh, I wish I'm good enough. But no, I'm not. 

I want to quit and give up. But, I can't. 

Every time I decide to give up, I always end up thinking about how it's unfair for me to giving up when I never able to be "happy" in this life.

I want to be happy at least once and enjoy life to the fullest.

So, if you ask me. How am I doing?
I'm not doing okay.

It feels like every time I do something, or think of something, I always ruined everything. Named it, relationship or career? None I could do things right. Feels like, everything happen because of me. My miserable life, my fucked up situation, everything. People hates me, my boyfriend tired of me and my parents expecting me to carry the world with me.

I feel like this close to giving up and... what about you?

Do you also feels like giving up? I envy you, if you are not and still stay strong going through everything. I envy your bravery and strength. 

I wish I could be as brave and as strong as you are.

Stay strong for both of us.