The Ambitious Wildflower of San Flores (HIATUS)

Prologue

I grew up with music. I remembered how my Grandfather introduced it to me first with his guitar.

It became a routine back then, pagkatapos niyang tumanim ng palay ay dederetso siya sa bahay namin para tugtugin ang luma niya'ng gitara. While me, I was seated right next to him, listening to his voice and the way he strums his guitar.

It was heaven.

Because of him I loved music, I found paradise. I found rest.

I grew to love music more to the point that I want to create music too. I want to make music that could bring solace and peace to people even for a brief moment. I want to create music that people can relate to.

Pero sa sitwasyon kong ‘to, masyadong mahirap makamtan ang pangarap ko, imposible kumbaga. Lalo na’t dito ako iniluwal sa probinsiya. And I know that this dream of mine is out of place in this wilderness.

Mapayapa ang buhay dito sa probinsiya, the nature accompanies me while the cold breeze of the wind is my ally. Ang problema nga lang ay marami kang hindi magagawa sa lugar na ‘to. Malayo sa mga hospital at institusyon. Maraming restrictions, and you just can’t be free.

Ay mali!

People have different meanings for freedom. Freedom for others is peace, solemnity, and contentment. But for me, freedom is the ability to do whatever we want, to reach for the dreams that we want to achieve, and to have the control over our life.

And I am fully aware that I don’t belong in this place, kahit sabihin ko pang dito ako ginawa, pinanganak, at pinalaki.

I am not free. I am ambitious, a dreamer, stubborn, and hardheaded. Kapag may gusto ako, gagawa talaga ako ng paraan para makamit ‘yon and my dream to sing infront of a thousand people is no other.

It shall be clutched.

But then I remembered that day, it was another sunny day. It was Sunday to be precise and it's the only day where we got to wash our clothes.

Kasama ko si Mama, nakaupo siya sa maliit na upuan habang may malaking batya sa harap niya. Nagkukuskos ng mga damit namin. Habang ako naman, nandiyan sa tabi niya at nagmumuni-muni.

"Ma, what if?"

"Ano na naman?" Bagot na sagot ni Mama, tipong mafefeel mo na pagod na pagod na siyang makinig sa akin.

"What if lang naman 'to. Pero what if magiging singer pala talaga ako noh? Malay mo makaka-perform ako sa ASAP." napatawa pa ako ng bahagya.

Tinigil ni Mama ang pagkukuskos. Ibinaling ang tingin sa akin at seryosong pinasadahan ako ng tingin.

"Seryoso ka ba talaga sa pangarap mo na 'yan, Nak?"

Nabigla ako sa tono niya, inaasahan ko kasing sasagutin na naman niya ako ng pabalang at pabiro.

"Oo naman, Ma." ngiti ko pa.

"Anak, para sa mga hampas-lupa na kagaya natin. Masyadong mahirap mangarap. Wala tayong pera at halos malayo tayo sa syudad. Ayaw kong umasa ka kaya ngayon palang tatapatin na kita. Imposible ang pangarap mo na 'yan." Pumungay ang mga mata niya. I can see right through her. She is sad. She feels bad that I can't reach this dreams of mine.

Well, that's what she thinks.

Wala pa naman. Kaya paano siya nakakasigurado na imposible? Hindi parin ako susuko.

"Wala pa naman, Ma. Atsaka tiwala lang kasi. Maganda kaya ang boses ko." I tried bringing back the positivity.

"Sa mundong 'to, Amarylise. Hindi sapat ang talento lang, kailangan rin ng pera at koneksyon. Ayaw kong hayaan kang tahakin ang daan na 'yan lalo na't alam kong walang kasiguraduhan." but then there she goes, crushing my dream again.