Love Life

backstory

You were late. it was 10:23am. The train leaves at 10:45. However, you packed everything up with plenty of time in the morning, you woke up, got dressed, packed your robes, brushed your teeth and had breakfast. You were going into your 5th year, the year of your exams. Something just didn't seem right though. You were never this organised.
"Mum, what time is it?"
"It's 9:07 y/n, why?"
"Just wondering."
"you nervous?" she rubbed your back and sighed. Things were awkward ever since your dad left. You didn't really care though, he was never nice to you. He never cared about you at all, and you had gotten used to it. He had spent your last birthday getting drunk and ripping your new dress apart saying it was 'inappropriate'. It wasn't. Especially for 15.
"Do you think he knows?"
You were talking about Matthew. You hadn't exactly left school on the best of terms, and hadn't spoken all summer. You were scared he didn't know about your father and would make a stupid remark, like he always does.
"I, don't think so y/n"
"yeah..i know."
You were much more nervous than normal because you know fully well that Matthew had talked sh1t about you to the whole group, and they were your only friends, so you were scared you'd have nowhere to sit on the train.
You had distanced yourself  from everyone, however, Enzo (Lorenzo Berkshire) had been sending you letters, and you him. He's the only one you told about your father and you had a feeling he didn't tell anyone. He's not that kind of person.
"Mum, what if they won't even talk to me?"
"Well, i don't know, aren't you still close to that Berkshire boy? I'm sure he'll talk to you."
"Mum, you don't understand, if the others hate me, he'll hate me too."
"Why do they hate you anyway? i still don't really understand what happened."
"Ugh, mum just don't worry about it."
She sighed and got the broom to clear up the kitchen. She didn't approve of your friends, and she hated the fact you were sorted into Slytherin 5 years ago.
For reference, you had done something regretful that you still hadn't fully admitted to your mum. You had got into a heated argument with Matthew about his dad. It was right after his dad had returned, and you believed Harry, knowing it was the truth. He was being petty and stubborn and he twisted all your words which only made things worse. But then you said something you really shouldn't have said.
"You know you're just like your father. I don't even know why we're friends. I hate you!" You spat through gritted teeth, he had gotten on your last nerve and you wanted to hurt him, like, really hurt him. He deserved it, you thought. But after you said it, you realised he really didn't.
"Are you fvcking kidding me y/n?!, i can't even look at you anymore. That was too far."
He turned his head and pulled his hair back with his hands. Then he turned around and punched you in the face. You stumbled back and stared at him in shock.
"Matthew.." your eyes filled up with tears and you could see he regretted it. Suddenly, he left, slamming the door behind him.
That fight is still haunted in your memory, you can't get it out of your head. You didn't mean what you said but didn't have time to apologise before he left.
"y/n. y/n! y/n are you listening?"
"oh, yeah sorry."
"y/n you were drifting into space again."
"whatever.."
"you were thinking about him weren't you."
"what.. dad?"
"No, Matthew."
You huffed and walked upstairs, closing your door slightly more vigorously than planned. You took out a cigarette from under your bed, you knew it was bad and you were way too young to be doing it but you did it anyway. You smoked when you were nervous, and recently you were always nervous.
You were smoking way too much and your mum knew about it. She didn't really care though, she wasn't known to be the best mum in the world.
But something about today made you feel lightheaded, the smoking didn't help. You walked downstairs slowly and collapsed on the last one. Your mum ran over and saw you passed out on the floor, all she did was roll her eyes and drag you to the sofa, waiting for you to wake up. You did, a while later.
"y/n? oh good you're awake. you need to go you're gonna be late! i've got the powder ready."
"..oh ..ok." You brought all your belongings and got into the fireplace.
"Diagon Alley."