Split

09

MARLENS POV

I woke up on the floor, crust in my eyes and this ick in my stomach. She was going to send me to Tobias? TOBIAS. I was 11 and he took everything from me, my innocence, my childhood. TOBIAS. His name echos in my head, everyday every hour, I sit up better looking around my room the SCENT suddenly overwhelming, the smell, the perfume, that I would wear before it happened. Before he touched me. My heart dropped everything flooding back...from that night.

Trigger warning ! SA !

"Marlen..hey baby.." Tobias sayd waking me up, it was late..the night breeze coming in through my window, the moonlight shining on my pink pokadot blanket. "W-what?" I say looking up at him. Oh Tobias the "cool" guy.. ew I felt so safe with him, FELT. "Shhh..just stay still and be quiet" "ok.." my breathe hitched. It's dark, it's nighttime, why is he here? I'm my room... I don't want him here I'm tired! "W-wait! Let me go to sleep!" I whisper backing into the corner of my bed..his long, bony , skeleton looking figure crawling towards me, like a monster from under my bed. "Shhhhh...." His hand trailed up my leg, that's when I knew, that's when I knew he was going to touch me, but for real this time, not like all the other times he joked that he would, the walls were caving in and my breathing got heavy, I felt tight, sweaty, I tryd to scream but i couldn't. As his hands touched me..took off my pajama pants, I sat there quiet, crying, as he did as he pleased. My vision started getting blurry. Why wont he get off me. Please get off me. Stop. Just stop! PLEASE! OFF! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! Then he did. And he left me there, a eleven year old, naked from the waste down, VIOLATED.

...............................................................................

I felt my throat get tight, and my heart drop, the night playing in repeat, the room spinning around me, i try to stand up but I fall to my knees, I feel sick, oh so sick, spits up tears stream down my face as I look down at the puddle of vomit, god..why did you do this to me? Why? I get up my head pounding and the room still spinning, I crash down the stairs holding onto anything to keep me stable. I practically fell into the kitchen filling my hand up with water from the sink cleaning my mouth, I rummaged through the cabinets finding Tylenol, I took a couple pills, more then I definitely should of but I don't care. I want it to stop. I want it to go away! Like it was before I came back HERE.

"Marlene? Was ist los, was ist passiert?" (Marlene? What's wrong, what happened?) my nan came running down the stairs just to see me sitting on the floor looking dead. She ran up to me waving her hand in my face a few times before it went dark again and I woke up on the couch, changed into pajamas I packed. I sit up looking around, my head feels a little better and my face feels clean. My heart drops when I see a bottle of vodka on the dining room table along side of all my money and my nan cooking...what time was it? I look at my clock 9pm...9PM?! For fucks sake. "N-nan?" I say my voice hoarse and raspy. "Gut, dass deine Wachmahlzeiten so gut wie fertig sind" (good that your awake suppers pretty much done) I stand up rubbing my eyes.."I'm sorry.." I say shamefully..all the things I've put my nan through, the things she sacrificed for me, she's always been there for me, even though she never believed me about Tobias. Sometimes I like to think she does believe me but won't admit it, he matters to much. I sit at the table grabbing my money and sitting at the seat far away from the vodka bottle. "Wenn ich dich dabei erwische, wie du das noch einmal trinkst oder auf dem Boden liegst, wird dich eine praktisch Überdosis TYLENOL selbst umbringen, Mädchen ..." (if i catch you drinking that again or you on the floor practically overdosing on TYLENOL will kill you myself girl...) I look at her, she seems to be taking it ok. Weird. "I'm sorry nan..I swear!" I look at her with my puppy dog eyes, they somtimes work. "Du bist kein Kind mehr, Marlene. Du musst auf dich selbst aufpassen!" (your not a child anymore marlene.. you need to take care of yourself!) that's weird it's not like I ever got to be one anyways.. "I'm sorry.." my nan walks up to me with a bowl of soup, yum. She would always make this when we had a little extra money, maybe she took some of mine, she deserves it anyways. I finished my supper and made my way to my room.

"Georg, du betrügst immer!" (georg you always cheat!) "Was? Du betrügst immer!" (What? You always cheat!) "auf keinen Fall! Ich bin einfach besser als du!" (no way! I'm just better then you!) "Träum weiter..." (keep dreaming) ugh who is outside arguing? I walk to my window just to see two boys play fighting, one has long chocolate brown hair and the other has black..spikey? Hair.

"Könntet ihr ruhig sein? Du bist etwas laut!" (could you guys be quiet? your a little loud!) "Oh, sieh mal, es ist ein hübsches Mädchen. Was machst du heute Abend, Schöne?" (ooh look it's a pretty girl, what are you doing tonight beautiful?) the one with chocolate brown hair said while the one with spikey hair just gazed up at me, "nothing, just be quiet please!" I say, I couldn't keep my eyes away from the spikey haired one, he had black liner smoked out around his eyes, he looked like...Tom.