one way or another - OSCAR PIASTRI

10- waiting

I can still remember it clearly, exactly what it felt like, in that moment in spa all those weeks ago. That Sunday. The Sunday when Oscar was rushed to the hospital after the crash. I remember the feeling of waiting in that lobby. Hoping and praying to a god I had never before believed in, that he would be alright. It has been 6 weeks since that day. And every day gets harder.

They say that with time it's easier. But it doesn't get easier. Nothing is harder than having to watch your husband lay still, not even being able to breathe on his own, day in day out. I've had a lot of support since that day. For the first week, George and Lando did not leave my side. After that week, George had to resume his season. Lando asked if he could take some time out. Not for himself but Zak didn't need to know that. The team completely covered my stay in Belgium, as well as any expenses I had. The reserve driver took Oscar's seat, and a rookie from Mclarens driver academy stepped in to take Landos for the remainder of the season. Zak called me once a day at 8pm, every day since the crash. Wanting updates on Oscar, Lando and finally myself. He has been very accommodating during this time. Oscar's family had been and gone during these 6 weeks. My family had been and gone. Lando stayed. Every single day for those 6 weeks, he didn't not leave my side for more than an hour at a time.

We would take turns to get food, go back to the hotel to shower. But apart from that. We did not leave the hospital room. A few times he had tried to convince me to go on a walk, that it would make me feel better, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Oscar's side unless it was really necessary. I had lost a fair bit of weight, my hair thinning slightly. Cheeks hollowing and my eyes became dull. Not once during the last 6 weeks have I smiled, not once. Lando tries but he knows nothing will appease me.

Lily has come and gone as well, much to my disagreement. It's true, I dislike her, strongly. But it's unfair of me to deprive her of seeing him. Regardless of how I feel, she does care for Oscar and I'm not that evil.

I've been told by many that during a coma, the person can feel you and can hear you, they just can't respond. It's like they're trapped in a bubble. Once that they can't force themselves out of no matter how hard they try. I would like to think Oscar is really trying but it's been quite some time now. His condition is steady. His body has fully repaired all of his physical injuries apart from the one to his brain. Due to the smoke, for a brief time he didn't have enough oxygen so his brain went into survival mode. Meaning he had lost all function, apart from the beat of his heart. The doctors say that it's possible he can regain his function fully.

Sometimes I think I see a twitch of a finger, or a flutter of an eyelid and I grow hopefully. Now I know the tricks the mind can play when you're so desperate for something to be true.

At this point in time, it was just Oscar and I. The nurses had done their rounds for the day and Lando had left to pick up some dinner and take a shower. That's when I saw a twitch, from Oscar's finger. What I thought was a twitch turned into a tap. Maybe I'm seeing things.. I rub my eyes and look again. It happens again. I can't be seeing things. Frantically I press the call for the nurse button and I hear a cough coming from Oscar. I assume because of the breathing tube and the uncomfortable feeling which he was now fully aware of. I place my hand on top of his and feel myself crying. He can't say anything yet it's too soon but he very slowly moves his hand to interlace it with mine.

The nurses rush in and begin to check all of his vitals before removing the breathing tube. He turns to look at me. Nothing. He just looks at me. No feeling behind his eyes. Blank.

"Oscar?" I ask softly

"What happened..? Why am I in the hospital..?" He looks around before turning to look at me again. "Where's Lily?" My heart drops. I had been told that there might be some temporary memory loss but that it was a very very slim chance it could happen to Oscar. Very slim chance my ass. He just asked for his ex girlfriend. I pull my hand away, I feel my tears begin to fall again and I leave the room, standing next to the door.