Lies That Bind (on hold temporarily)

Chapter Twenty Four

S A R A

"I...I think I love you too." Holy shit. Did I just say that out loud?

His eyes widen in shock and my chest tightens, not knowing if I truly meant what I said or if I was just caught up in the moment, drunk on my release.

"Do you mean that?" he asks, caging my legs when he places his hands on the counter on either side of me. His eyes soften and his brows pinch together as he looks at me. I can see the glimmer of hope on his face.

I tear my eyes away from his, looking down as I pick at my fingers. A part of me wants to say fuck it and give him a chance to prove that not every relationship I have has to end in heartbreak. Because he gives me hope. Hope that he will be enough. Hope that I won't need anyone else to make me happy. But the other part, the more logical one, is weary and unsure of committing to a man like James. Because he's damn near perfect in every way. Caring, kind and a heart of fucking gold. A man who's way too good for a fuck up like me.

Knowing myself I'd destroy him. And hurting him is the last thing I want to do.

But then my mind flashes to being tangled up with Alec before coming here and it leaves an uncomfortable ache in my chest. How can I tell James I love him when I don't even understand my feelings for Alec? Someone who I've had a very long and complicated history with since I was seventeen. I knew that a piece of my heart would always belong to him, the same way a piece would always belong to Ty, but I never thought that seeing him and spending time with him would drum up those feelings again.

I love the idea of a fresh start with James. It's new and easy and fun. He makes me smile and laugh and makes me feel at ease. But the strings Alec has wrapped around my heart are dragging me back to the past. Dragging me back to him.

"Sara," he says, tucking his finger under my chin to tilt my face up. "It's okay if it's a no. Like I said before, I just didn't want to hold it in anymore."

"It's not a no," I sigh. "It's an I'm fucking confused. My head is all over the place and I...I'm sorry."

He snakes his hands through my hair and cups the back of my neck, leaning down so he's eye level with me. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

His eyes search my face and I shake my head. What will he think of me when I tell him about Alec being here? A tear slips out and burns my skin as it rolls down my cheek at the thought of losing him. "I need a minute," I blurt as I push out of his grasp, hop off the counter and make a b-line for the bathroom needing to be alone to collect my thoughts.

I close the door behind me and lean against it, slowly sliding down the door as more tears push their way out. My stomach knots and I cover my mouth to dull the sounds of my sobs but it's no use. My cries echo through the room, bouncing off the sleek marble countertop and tile lined floors. I wrap my arms around my legs and pull my knees to my chest, hanging my head in defeat.

Why did I make such a mess of things? Why couldn't I just keep my fucking mouth shut? This is exactly why I don't do feelings or relationships. Casual sex doesn't come with this gut-wrenching pain or devastating ache in my chest. The pain is blinding and all consuming.

It hurts.

It hurts too fucking much.

"Sara?" James calls out as he lightly knocks on the other side of the door. "Sara, please. You don't have to talk, but I can't stand the thought of you crying in there all by yourself."

A sob rips through me at his words knocking the air out of my lungs. I don't deserve him. I'll never fucking deserve him.

"Please," he sighs and I can hear the pain in his voice.