Insecurities?

"Love?...its fake."

Love... It's fake.

I hate love. Everytime I look around I see a happy cute couple. One relationship that I want like that.. All the guys ask is for nudes. It's annoying...
I have friends who say "omg lucky." all because it's the guys they like. Can't they see I hate them and their crushes.. Can't they see I hate it...
I stay sitting on the grass staring up at the beautiful sky only to be approached by a figure..i think it's a man...
"Your very beautiful ma'am. What is a lady like you doing out here.."
The figure says... Can't they say I don't like them or anyone if I'm alone.. Can't they see I don't want to be near anymore?..
"I like to be alone please."
I say softly not even looking at the figure only staring at the sky
I see the figure come closer.. I say angrily "I said I'd like to be alone-" only to look up at a beautiful woman with black hair and a ton boy style and beautiful emerald eyes...
"Sorry I just wanted to sit down with you ma'am sorry" she said softly as I stare at her and hlush lightly and looks back at the sky "it's fine. I guess... You can sit if you want.."
I saw the woman sit down she looked wonderful..
A while we started dating now.. She isn't what I thought she was... She hurted me. Threw shit at me when I did something wrong
Why must life end up like this for me
I think to myself as I cried with my door locked so she didn't come in... I cried and cried and cried... Till I feel asleep on the floor... Love is fake
I thought before I fell asleep crying on the floor. ...
The next morning I made sure to wake up before she did... I can't help but feel not loved.. Well I mean I'm not loved I guess but still it kinda hurts...
I put on music -sad girl by Lana del rey- as I cook so she wouldn't get mad...
She's done this before.. I've done this before to many times... I'm Exausted... I think as I make the pan cakes..
Why... Why me..
I try to figure it out on why I'm hurt why I'm in a bad relationship now...
I feel arms around me as a head lays on my shoulder
"I'm so sorry my love... I didn't mean to get drunk and hurt you again.."
She says softly...
I look at her and say quietly only for her to hear "it's fine..."
At first she took me.. As in took me in caring and a wonderful relationship.. For a while.... Like a treat it only lasts so long...