Selfish

Chapter 13

To be completely honest I don't know when I got to bed. All I remember is getting on the plane, getting off, then my mom squeezing the daylights out of me. Now I'm waking up in my childhood room. Trying to not think about Hannah for a second and failing. I craned my head up when I heard a faint knock. My dad opened the door slightly before walking in. "If I let your mom know you're up right now, you won't be able to go back to sleep" he snickered motioning for me to come closer. I sat on the edge and let him bear hug my head. "It's nice to finally see you bud" he whispered. I didn't answer him, opting to squeeze him tighter instead. "I wish we could catch up right now but I'm going out on a daddy-daughter day with Carmen. I'll be back around 5 though" he continued, releasing me from the hug. "Okay" I finally voiced, running my fingers through my hair. He gave me one more hug before making his way out of my room. I haven't seen Cami in a long time, I should go see her while I'm here. She was my half sister from my dad's side. My parents had been through a lot in their time and she was a byproduct of their 'break'. She was 26 this year, 2 years older than me. "Her birthdays coming up, I should start looking for presents now" you can never be to early. "You talking about Carmen, your dad and I got her this vanity that she was eyeing when we went shopping last time. But I also saw her looking at giant stuffed teddies on Amazon" my mom spoke making her presence known. I smiled, opening my arms for her to hug me.

"Moooooooooooooooommmmmmmm" I sighed rubbing my face on her stomach. "Yes baby" she answered. "Moooommmm" I repeated a little more defeated. "I knoooooooowww" she laughed, pulling my face away and brushing my hair back. "But not really. What's going on" I let myself fall back into bed and she settled herself next to me. "I broke up with Stephanie" I saw her do a little fist pump from my peripheral. "Awww, hun. Are you okay. I never liked that girl but you seemed like you really cared for her" she said taking my hand and rubbing her thumb across. "Ma you can't even hide how happy you are. What if I was real crushed about this. I mean I kind of am, we were 3 years deep" I sighed again. "But that's not what's actually got you like this" I turned my head to the side and looked out the window. "There's so much context to it that we'd be here the whole day if I were to explain it" she smacked my hand, making turn my head to look up at her. "Stop mopping and give me the footnotes". I took a second to figure out where to start then started "Hannah and the others had a lil hiccup in the friend group which resulted in Casey and Hannah being at odds. Either way that's not my story to tell, I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later. But that's important because it happened around the time Steph and I broke up and she found Hannah at the apartment when she was dropping Jax off. It's like that cemented the fact that I broke up with her because of Hannah but that's not why I broke up with her. We were getting in fights over every little thing and she'd somehow make it about me not loving her. Anyway, since Hannah and Casey aren't friends any more, she got with Casey and they decided to try to make Hannah's life a living hell. That ended with Xavier, Hannah's boyfriend of sorts, breaking up with her at the restaurant. Which then turned into a fight and Jake got the brunt of it because he jumped in the middle of Xavier and I" I stopped when I felt her death grip.

"He got checked out immediately after, he was completely fine" I said praying to his some type of relief for my poor fingers. "Hmm. Continue" she said relaxing her hand. "Hannah is avoiding because I'm not even sure why, before the fight, I had told her that I was going to back off, I thought that's what she wanted but she seemed a little upset about it. I didn't think she'd go as far as to ignore me. That's half of the reason that I'm here. Then there's been this ongoing situation with Jason and his new situationship. His name is Kai, there relationship wasn't even a problem to me. In fact, I was so happy cuz I finally saw someone that Jason was serious about. Then Jason started slacking on his work and blowing everyone off for him. It wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't my business partner. Like there's certain amount of laziness I'm willing to accept from him because he's my best friend. But all of that is besides the point, Kai is no good, honestly not even worth his time. That's was all good and well, because who am I to tell a grown ass man what to do with his life. Then I found out something and I was contemplating if I should tell Jason or not...the man is actively on drugs, I found out through some old connections and before you jump to conclusions. It was an old high school acquaintance. No, I've never done drugs" I said immediately sitting up. Her eyes had gone wide as if she was about to unleash the mother of all lectures. She squinted at me for a long while "You're still not over Hannah".

I stayed quiet, not wanting to answer. "Don't get me wrong, if you and her ended up together I'd be ecstatic. But I don't want to see my eldest son torturing himself over a girl. However...that's always going to be my perspective of it. I know that you love her" she said letting the silence engulf us for a second. "But it's not your main issue. All I can do is give you some wise motherly advice. You need to...tell Jason about his boyfriend. But you have to find the right way and time to speak to him. Let him know you have no ill will. As for the Stephanie situation, I'm pretty sure you made it clear that there were a lot of faults in your relationship leading to your breakup. Maybe try talking to her again and if not put a restraining order on her bitch ass" I guffawed at her word choice, nearly choking on my spit. "What, I'm just saying" she said shrugging her shoulders. "I know but still mom, language" I laughed out. "Oh please. Now seriously as for Hannah's situation, the only thing I would recommend is talking to both of those bitches and or getting a restraining order as well" she sighed rubbing at her eyes. "I know, trying to think of a good solution feels impossible" I replied. We sat in another bout of silence before she whispered "when did your life become a shitty romance movie". "I totally don't appreciate the unhelpful quips" but I don't know either mom, it kind of just ended up like this.

I felt my phone vibrate somewhere on my bed. "Alex. Wassup" I asked checking the caller ID. "She was at the dance studio. She's fine" letting out a shaky breath, I put my head and my hand. "That's...so good to hear". "But listen, there's a party going on at blue bird...if you wanna talk to her...never mind. Julio is gonna call you in a few. You can hang up" the last part wasn't directed at me so I'm assuming that Danny was also in the car. Well temptation shall be my damnation I see. "Are you going" mom asked. "I don't know yet" I replied honestly contemplating my life.