I Want To Be the Sun

I want to Be the Sun: Pilot

Sun rising; As usual dressed in a beautiful reddish dress. It is February 1st and her birthday was barely a few days ago, she doesn't like to talk too much about it. The salty breeze from the ocean entered through the open window with grayish curtains of an impeccable room with white walls full of memories. There are a lot of dried flowers, shells, and candles on the crowded shelves of white walls starting to be lightened by the sun.

5:20 AM

Light brown eyes, almost in a syrupy shade opened effortlessly –Why should I even bother? – and closed again, oh poor Charlotte those thin sheets feel heavier and heavier, the little princess is sad once again, it seems to be part of her daily routine; waking up, getting ready, crying in the mirror, and going to school. Even though it has been the same since 5 years ago, waking up doesn't get easier for her so let's help her a little- Wake up you little spoiled indolent!!

6:10 AM

What are you doing again, Charlotte? Crying in front of the mirror, sweetheart? What a shame, I hope you don't cut your new long-red curls again. Dry those tears, we are running out of time, mummy and Martin won't be happy if we are not at school on time, THE TIME, time is running, TICK-TOCK, it's getting late, HURRY.

7:00 AM

Finally, we are on our way to school wearing Charlotte's old-washed-out black Vans. It is a long drive and Charlotte hates it, don't misunderstand her, she hates the act of overthinking, not driving. Charlotte doesn't talk too much, so I will. Her beautiful family; A long time ago mommy was married to a man named James. James used to make Mommy cry, causing Mommy to hide purple marks on the neck, arms, and back. Anyway, Mommy thought that's how marriages work, later, they had 2 children, Joseph and Mathew. When Brothers were about 13 and 17, James, sadly passed out, TO HELL! Sorry, poor Mommy and Brothers. The only thing James left them was scars and bruises behind since everything was in Amber's name, the witch, the liar, the lover.

A new beginning, humbling I might say, Mommy is strong but I can see how the wounds haven't healed completely, a lot of tears have been hidden too. Joseph was in college and Mathew was at the university already, Mommy worked every hour of her day so their children didn't have to live the hell she had to live for money. But then a tragedy happened, and Charlotte was born.

7:55 AM

Just on time, thank God. It reminds me, that the whole family didn't believe in God, it doesn't surprise me since the living hell they had lived before with James. For sure Joseph did, the middle child had to get his demons out, and tears used to cover a sad guitar on bar stages, while a sad child sang his guts out. The singing of angels took him straight to heaven I guess, at 22 he came out as a Christian, yay!!!. I'm glad for him, he did it, he is happy now, with a wife who is just as broken as he is, but the love between them is strong enough to forget both past and build their single future. Charlotte wants to feel like that too, but let's say love is not her thing.

8:30 AM

Ugh, English again, we get lost in words and thoughts. Oh! I barely noticed Charlotte is wearing her favorite yellow dress, she loves both dresses and yellow like the sum, she says it romanticizes her life making it happier. Do not lie to yourself Charlotte, don't be a hypocrite, I hear quiet sub behind that fake smile. Anyway, you are a good actress, I could swear to see the happiness in your eyes. I like to deviate ourselves from the boring classes; it makes Charlotte mad at herself, but I don't care. Her head is full of stuff; it gets tighter each time so I take the lead on getting some useless trash from here Who needs math? Am I right?

9:00 AM

I'm bored, so let's talk more about Charlotte's daddy issues: When she was born her Brothers didn't like her since they were from different fathers, the top of the cherry they got divorced when she was 2 years old, and 15 years later she decided not to have a father anymore because "he hurt her for so long" but it was because she hadn't met her new step-father, Martin. Poor Charlotte is desperate to find someone to make proud of. Most of the time she thinks is not enough no matter how hard she tries, all she does is disappoint her brothers, Mommy, and Martin. How dummy, she wants to make proud a man who is not even her real father, her specialty is building walls because she doesn't want to lose another daddy. But Martin is always complaining about Charlotte to her brothers, making her look worse than the Devil, resulting in more emotional damage. Charlotte wants everyone to love her because she is afraid of abandonment, so she sometimes prefers not to attach too much to people.

4:30 PM

School is over, and it means we are going back home, Charlotte doesn't like to be there but she has no other option unless she wants to make mad everyone at home, she is tired all the time and as much as she wants to sleep all day long she has to stay awake. The same old road recorded during the past 5 years is starting to make me sick. Charlotte what are you thinking?! Home is to the right side, Martin is going to get mad at Mommy and you, and they are going to take the car away, another disappointment! - San Benito Bay – Charlotte said calmly. This is awesome, THEY ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS, it won't take too long for them to call her.

5:00 PM

Charlotte stand up please, the sand is getting everywhere, they're going to know we were here. The sum, I can feel the sun burning her skin, in a good way, the heat makes me feel truly at home, I've never heard the waves so closed, crashing one to another, collapsing, how is it possible that such act of bravery results in such serene symphony.

6:00 PM

The sun hid, Charlottes wishes she could do the same, just hide and bright -I want to be the sun- she whispered, me too Charlotte, close your eyes my dear we are in heaven, bright sweetheart, and one single tear fell from her cheek saying –I'm glad we finally got to agree in something- while a shy smile came up from the commissure of her lips.

The meaning of this reading discerns from others since the problem happens even before the main character was born, she feels captured in her mind and thoughts. She looks up for solace, but she is patronized and afraid by, the sometimes harsh, voice inside her head that says she can't speak and she has to get out of this by herself. Initially, I was going to add more detail, even including a possible lover who later on would hurt Charlotte too, but nobody wants to hear her "childish" problems. Anyway, the problem doesn't end at all, it is just minimized, a weight this big can't be relieved in such a few pages. A single talk to herself leads her to a short amount of serenity, the fact of ignoring the voice inside her head saying: "There's not enough time"," they are going to get mad at you..." "and "another disappointment..." Demonstrates how strong Charlotte can be, but forgets about it because she is lost inside her own mind. Charlotte knows the struggles all her loved ones had lived so she can succeed but all she wants is to see them happy no matter how she feels, she wants to make them proud, she wants to feel part of the family, she wants to receive love because she deserves it not because of request.