FORGOTTEN NIGHTMARE

FORGOTTEN NIGHTMARE 11

Yn went to her place after she was done with the cafe work. After freshening up she went into Daniel's room. Daniel used to come earlier than her so she knew he would be available.

She knocked twice and went inside.

"Hey." He looked up. "Daniel, I want to know something." "So suddenly? Is it about your past or forgotten memories?"

She nodded. Daniel knew he had to answer your questions someday but he was waiting for the right time.

"I'll tell you when the right time comes, Yn."

"You've been saying this since the first day I asked you about my memories. Can't you just tell me? I don't even know when this right time of yours will even come. It feels so empty knowing I had a past, stories, people, none of whom I can remember.

Sometimes, I feel like I might have seen this person or the other person but then, the possibilities are zero because I just don't know anything. I can't remember the friends I had, the fun I had with them and listening to others stories makes me feel miserable knowing I have nothing to tell them." You sighed frustratingly.

Daniel chuckled. "Ok just one question I will answer. Ask wisely."

"What happened in my past?"

He sighed "It's only you who knows what exactly happened Yn."

"You had a best friend. But one day he suddenly died. No one knows what happened to him. Some say you killed him, some say he committed suicide, some say you were there when it happened.

I don't want to say this but some even say that you were the reason for his death. And I remember you coming so pale, exhausted and the feeling of fear and helplessness creeping on your face. That day, you kept crying and crying the whole night.

You had panic attacks Yn. You couldn't breathe and when you finally had calmed down, you said that you needed to leave this place immediately.

So we left the next day for Busan to live with uncle and aunt for a few days but when we were going there an accident happened and you had a minor injury on your head.

But since there was already a lot on your mind and you were mentally and physically exhausted because of the past events, your brain took that injury more badly than it should have and you ended up losing your memories. That's all I know."

Too much. This was too much to know. I was involved in someone's death? But then did the police investigate anything? I had a best friend? Why don't I remember anything?

"You don't remember Jin because you just met him in the first year of your university. That's why he as well disappeared from your memory."

He said as if he read my thoughts. "And why didn't the police investigate? I have no idea either." A sigh left his mouth.

I nodded and left his room. Locking the door of my room, I slid down the floor and hugged my knees tight to my chest. Tears perked out of my eyes. I had been involved in a murder? That too my best friend I have no idea about?

How did he look? How did he sound? Did he treat me well? Did he know about my mom and dad?

Just thinking about it now is making me hate myself, how must I have felt when I was there? Seeing my best friend die in front of my eyes?

This clearly explained why I wanted to go away. I am not strong enough to stay and face the situation. Yes, I was a coward. Yes, I can't face the reality because I am a fucking coward. Witnessing your parents die in front of you when you are just 7. And then your best friend. I deserved it. I deserved every misery thrown at me.

Not that I wanted to but why didn't I lose this memory as well? Why didn't I forget myself as well?

So that I can remember everything again? The pain, the sufferings I went through and keep hating myself for the rest of my life?

I went to the bathroom and took out a blade. This was the only thing which came to my mind to punish myself, to ease the pain...temporarily.

To distract myself for whatever I got to know. I lost everyone. Parents, bestfriend. Am I only meant to harm people around me? What if I killed him? What if he committed suicide because of me?

The blade came in contact with my skin. Blood coming out. More and more and more marks.

Blood. Blood was everywhere. On my hand which was fully red by now, the sink, a bit over my clothes as well but it was a relief it wasn't much visible as I wore a black t-shirt.

Best part? I couldn't feel the physical pain. Just the thought of killing my own friend was enough to numb this pain.

But what had happened exactly? I needed to know my past. I wanted to know what happened between me and Jin. How did he die? What was my fault there?

These questions needed to be answered and I knew I couldn't do it alone. But who could I possibly seek help from?

Daniel? No. He's the last option.

Lisa? No. At this point she was probably the friend I had. But I couldn't trust her fully.

Let the time answer all my questions.