Help Me Close My Eyes

27 ~ the leavers dance.

"There's no release at all
That's not worth dying for.
And it's not for our desires,
But our design
That we all fall apart.

There's no release at all
That's worth us crying for
And I don't mind leaving,
'Cause we all fall down."
- The Veils

***

When I try to open the door to my apartment, it sticks, the way it always does.

Leah and I had planned on calling maintenance to get that fixed when we first moved in. Of course, that was three months ago.

Now giving it a little kick after I turn the key is like second nature to me, and when it finally wrenches open, I head inside without hesitation as Liam follows closely behind.

"Hello?" I call out. "Leah?"

When she doesn't answer, there's a part of me that's relieved at the idea that she might not be home.

I know that sounds awful. We've been living together for a few months now, and although it hasn't been long, I'd like to think that we've become friends.

We have dinner together at least once a week; we talk about boys every now and then; and she's been there for me through more than one sleepless night.

I always thought that if we just had a little more time, we could become close - like the kind of friends you read about in books or see in the movies.

Maybe that's why a part of me isn't ready to say goodbye to her just yet.

"Hello?" I call out one more time.

Finally, her voice comes from the bedroom. "Ira?" she says. "Is that you?"

Seconds later, she appears in the hallway. Next thing I know, she's crushing me in a tight hug.

"Oh my God, where have you been?" she asks. "I thought you were dead."

We haven't exactly reached the physical contact phase of our friendship, but I hug her back as well as I can. "Didn't you get my note? I said I'd be gone for a few days."

She pulls back, raking her long black hair out of her face. "I thought the kidnappers wrote that. Besides, you haven't answered any of my texts. People that are alive answer their texts."

"I know, I'm sorry. My phone died a few days ago, and I forgot my charger here."

She's about to respond, but it's at that moment that her eyes land on Liam over my shoulder.

She blinks once. Twice. "Who's this?"

"Sorry, Leah, this is Liam," I say, stepping aside. "He's..," I pause, and for a second, I panic. I have no idea how to describe what he is to me, and after these last few days, I definitely don't know what I am to him. "He's my.."

"Just an old friend," Liam says, stepping forward. He smiles and extends his hand to her. "It's nice to meet you."

Leah takes it before shooting me a sly look that tells me she has wildly misunderstood our relationship. "Liam, huh?" she repeats. "So you're the reason Ira suddenly disappeared last week?"

Liam lets out a short laugh and runs a hand over the back of his neck in a charming way that I didn't even know he was capable of. "Yeah, sorry about that," he says. "We ran into each other the other day, and one thing led to another.."

Leah looks to me, eyes wide and mouth practically hanging open.

My face is absolutely burning at this point. "It wasn't like that," I say quickly. "We just had some catching up to do."