Saving My Duke

chapter three

"sephia?" mum turns to face me, mid chewing. "yes?" i follow her to sit down on a bench in the town square, near a fountain. "ryuuji told you about us stepping down as duke and duchess, didnt he." i stare down at the blue crystal water, the coins gleam in the sun. my eyes darken, there's still that anxiety that comes with the future changing from what i know. "yes." i bring my eyes up to hers, as she cups her hands in her lap, staring downwards towards her leather boots. she strokes her floral patterned shawl over her head farther, like she is trying to hide her face from me.
"if you don't want to be a duchess, you should've told us." her voice has grown stern, eyes shining as she looks up towards me. "no, mum, i do want to be a duchess. it's just—" i stop myself from finishing the sentence, knowing i will rat myself out. mum giggles, her red eyes gleaming brightly as she grabs a hold of my hands abruptly. a pain-ridden look appears on her face.
"this is your second life, isn't it, my love?"

"w-what? how do you know that?" i shout out, pushing myself against the floor, dirt covering my clothes as my knees and elbows bruise from the impact.
mums face grows worried, as she bends over to help me up, but i am trembling.
"how... ho—" she places her finger on my lips, still smiling. i tremble as she lifts me up to the bench, rubbing my arm as she begins to speak. "darling, this will be hard to believe," she begins, her comforting touch still warming my skin as tears fall down my face. i am terrified, this was never in the plan. i don't think it would ruin my plans to save ryuuji. "in your last life, i was the one that turned back the time..." she admits. the whole world around me shakes, how could this be?

mum was supposed to be out of her mind by that time? she would stay in her room curled up in a ball chanting unknown words — "the new age will come", "the blessing of goddess silvia will prevail" and other weird riddles. when me or ryuuji would try to talk to her, she would push us away saying "don't interrupt my prayers".
we never thought about it too much, we knew she was struggling mentally. fathers death weighed down on her so much that she went mad. does this mean these were... prayers? but how did she know ryuuji would die before he did?

"m-mother, were you p-praying?" i stutter out, gripping onto her arm and leaning onto her whilst i question her, staring desperately into her calm eyes . "yes, my darling, i was." i keel over, my heart beating out of my chest. "w-what... how did you know.. how did y-you know ryuu would die?" i scream at her, causing a scene. everyone's eyes stare at us as i cry my eyes out, on my knees as they begin to bleed. "mum— how the hell did you know he would die?!?!" i shout loudly, not stuttering anymore out of anger and desperation. i reach up and shake her shoulders, but her calm expression doesn't move an inch. "you, sephia. you came to me in my dreams..." she sighs, holding onto my hands as i squeeze onto her arms.
"w-what do you mean?"

"you see, it was after the duke died. i cried for days, weeks, led on my bed, not washing or eating. i could smell myself, i was rotting away. but you, one night you came to me. i saw the future. i saw you crying over my sons helmet, his lifeless soul you begged to return. on top of the greif of my husband, it hurt my heart, my soul, to see that my son. my angel, ryuuji; would die. so, from that day on, after seeing what would happen, all i could do was pray. i prayed and prayed to the goddess of life, sylvia, for you to go back, and finally, on the day you committed suicide, i died too. then we met in a dream. i told you everything i saw, and your eyes turned soft. you hugged me as i cried out all of the sorrow that plagued me for all those years as i was waiting for the inevitable. and so, i sent you back in time. i awakened to my memories 5 years ago."
i begin to sob uncontrollably tears, screaming. mother lifts me up, carrying me to the inn as i cling to her, wailing in pain.

mother, she knew. she knew all of it. she was the one who sent me back in time — that is why persephone from the future visited me. after she killed herself, mother mysteriously died too. they met in another dream, and she sent me back in time to convince my old self to save ryuuji. this is all so much, my body is shaking and it won't stop. the truth is, mother always knew what would happen. she knew all about ryuujis death approaching back then. if you think about it, we are in the same situation. i know ryuuji will die unless i do something, but instead, i will not only pray. i will save him myself, somehow, i have to. anyone would go psycho at the thought of the nearing death of your own child, but mum, she wasn't crazy... she was in pain. she was desperate. i'm so sorry, mum. i'm sorry you had to endure that pain of knowing he would die. the endless praying, the devotion to a death you so longed to destroy. but thankyou.
thankyou. and thankyou, goddess sylvia.
i kneel on the inns bed, my hands pressed together as i close my eyes, tears flooding down my cheeks.
"i promise to devote my life to you, sylvia."