crisis & catharsis

i don't talk to myself anymore

I don't talk to myself anymore
Is it truly great for my fore-
Head is in its positive state
Not ashamed nor in pain

It's been months since the last conversation
It's for my preservation
The peace, the bliss to be in these seats of this station

But I have not talked to myself
I was happy to be locked up in my cell
Phone has been my shelf
It silenced the calls from my realm

Down...
Down the rabbit hole I stayed
But sounds...
Sounds of the rabbit's clock wakes me up from that place
It's time for me to face everything I have evade

Because I was afraid to talk to myself for months
Disappointments and self-loathings came hand-in-hand
And it took a lot of courage to write this poetry
Week after week, I neglected this train of memories

I don't talk to myself anymore
I don't know what I was made for
I don't know who is in the mirror
I don't talk to myself anymore

I failed to be a good student, a good son, a great friend,
Oh what have I done?!
I am changing to someone, to the one who I don't want to become
Afraid that upon losing myself
I might have lost them too
Apologies to them is all that I can say
I won't stop them if to leave is what they choose

And my jealousy to every other teen
Wishing I was them
Because they are doing something
Rather than self-pitying
Where I thought I was great
I realized I was good at nothing
I lost that good old faith
And it all came crashing

But I have talked to myself once more
Still kind of blurry what I was made for
Still kind of blurry who is in the mirror
But I'll try to talk to myself more and more