Love Lock | Michaeng

Chapter 23 - Motherhood

Chaeyoung

I don't sleep. Even though we've moved all my furniture into this brand-new house, it doesn't feel like mine. I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling. I've got Peter wedged into my armpit, snoring softly on one side of me, and regret on the other side with one hand on my throat.

Mina has always drawn me to her in some inexplicable way, and knowing she's just a few steps away with our daughter? It's shifted something in me.

I didn't want to be disruptive, or overstep my bounds, but I wanted to sit on the floor of that nursery and stare at Violet for the entire night.

Knowing you want to have children one day is a lot different from facing one that already exists. I don't know how to wrap my feelings around it. 

But I know who will.

Wincing as I shift in bed, I swipe my phone off the bedside table and call my mom.

"What wrong?" is how she answers the phone. Her instincts are wild.

"Why would something have to be wrong for me to call you? You're my mom."

"Right, but I know you. It's currently six o'clock on a Sunday morning where you are, which means it's five here."

"Shit. Sorry, Mom."

"It's okay. I was just getting set up to do some restorative yoga. I can fix your problems while I make myself some green tea."

I snort. I don't think anyone can fix this problem in the time it takes to make a cup of tea.

"Why don't you just sleep in? It's the weekend."

She scoffs at me, and I hear a cupboard thud shut on the other end of the line. "I'll be sure to tell that to the next mother that goes into labor on a weekend. Sorry, doll. You're going to have to wait until Monday."

I chuckle because I remember having to take care of my sister at odd hours now and then when my mom would have to rush out to a birth. Or when we were younger, getting woken up so that she could drop us off at a friend's house.

She did the best she could after our dad's death. A single mom to two kids wasn't an easy gig. Though, when she got a job teaching midwifery at the college, things slowed down a bit.

"Fair enough."

Peter lets out a loud snore beside me, not at all bothered by the phone call.

"Oh, is that little Peter?" 

Leave it to Chanyeol to ruin my dog's name. Little Peter does distinctly sound like a penis. But I'm not about to tell my mom th—

"God. Every time I say that dog's name. I think of a dick."

I bark out a laugh and the way it jostles my body is enough to wake Little Peter. He gives me a dirty look, like I'm the world's worst pillow, and nuzzles back in. When I picked him up off the street, I thought he'd think I was his hero, but the attitude on this dog is insurmountable.

"It's true. I hope you didn't name him after your—"

"Mom." I close my eyes and rub my fingers against my eyebrows.

"Right. We're getting off track." The low rumble of water boiling in the background filters in through the receiver. "Tell me what's wrong."

I sigh. "I don't know if wrong is the word I would use."

"Stop beating around the bush, Chaeyoung."

"I have a daughter."

I feel like I've shouted the words. Somehow, saying them out loud is very different from being told them or just repeating them in my head.

The line is silent.

"I just found out last night."

I wait a few beats. Still silent. I flip the phone to check the screen and make sure I'm still connected.

"Mom?"

"Oh, Chaeyoung." She almost sighs it, like I exhaust her. And I'm sure that on some level I do. Choosing to pursue the career that killed my dad might be one of the most thoroughly exhausting things I've ever done to my mother, but she still supports me. She always has. I'm hoping I haven't pushed her too far with this little tidbit though.

"Are you okay?"

A heavy breath I'd been holding leaves me in a whoosh. "I'm... yeah. I think I'm just in shock."

"How did this happen?"

"Well, Mom, when two people—"

"Son Chaeyoung. Don't turn this into a joke to cope with your feelings. Talk to me."

I hear her pouring water into a cup, taking things in her stride like she always has with us kids. The universe blessed her with two handfuls. Chaeryeong is just as bad as me.  

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything! How old is she? What's her name? Does she look like me? When can I meet her? And how the hell did this happen?"

No one but Marcella Son would take this so easily. "And you were on my case for covering with jokes."

She blows a raspberry, and I can envision her flipping a hand across herself like she's swatting a fly as if we were in the same room.

So, I fill her in on everything I know, noting the happy little sigh she makes when I tell her about Violet. I don't miss the strangled sound that catches in her throat when I explain how it all got lost in translation.

"I could kill that Geoff asshole," she mutters.

"No, he's mine to kill."

"Chaeyoung! You can't threaten shit like that. You're a mother now."

Fuck. I'm a mother now.

"Okay, so I need to compose myself before I cross that bridge. And tell Mina's dad since he's Geoff's boss, and that is all its own massive clusterfuck."

"So, the mom is Chanyeol's sister-in-law?"

"Well, the wedding isn't until next month. Remember? You're invited."

"Don't be like that, Chaeyoung. You know what I'm asking."

My teeth graze along my bottom lip as I stare up at the white popcorn-style ceiling. Since I failed to put up any blinds, morning light has filled the room, it gives the space a cool, serene vibe that reminds me of Mina.

"Yeah. It's her."

"Huh. That girl, huh? Well, I can't wait to meet her."

"Violet?"

"No. Well, yes. But Mina too."

I smile up at the ceiling. "Yeah. I think you'll like her."

"How is she holding up? I was never a single mom with a baby. But I remember your dad going on the road and leaving me home alone with you two. I would practically toss you at him and walk out the door the minute he got back, just so I could have a few minutes by myself."

"I think she's okay. Happy but overwhelmed, if that makes sense?"

"That makes perfect sense. If I wrote a dictionary, that might be the definition I put under motherhood."

I laugh, lighter already for having talked to my mom.

"Chaeyoung, honey, the question any good parent would ask themselves now is: what are you going to do to make her feel less overwhelmed?"