Love Lock | Michaeng

Chapter 25 - Première Fois

Watching Chaeyoung hold Violet for the first time does a lot of things to me. First, it makes me want to hurl in much the same way she did last night. There's something profoundly overwhelming about seeing Chaeyoung's eyes latch onto Vivi's while her small hand wraps around her finger.

"Hi, baby girl," she murmurs. "It's so nice to meet you."

The sweet cooing noise she makes back at her, like she's an instant goner for this woman, makes me want to cry. And I never cry. It's just not my thing. It's pointless, and I always feel tired and bereft afterward—not better.

But when I can see her getting emotional just looking at Violet, holding her in her arms so naturally, it hits me in a way I never, ever saw coming. Chaeyoung stands and bounces gently, walking toward the big bay window that overlooks the front street.

Chaeyoung turns them toward her yard. "That's where I live. Right next door. So, if your mom says it's okay, I could come visit now and then."

I sit on a stool at the kitchen island and try to remember the last time I just sat and drank a coffee that was still hot. Not hot out of the microwave, but truly fresh. I feel like I'm in this constant cycle of not having anything specific to do all day, yet the day goes by so damn fast.

Cooking, cleaning, sleeping, entertaining, snuggling, nursing, socializing. It seems like it should be easy. I work in chaos for a living, but this is so much harder.

Which is why I cannot, for the life of me, account for the way my body reacts to the sight before me. Chaeyoung was already hot as fuck, and Chaeyoung holding a baby is even hotter. If she goes out in public with Violet, she's going to get more pussy thrown at her than she already does.

And somehow, that makes me irrationally jealous.

"Look how beautiful you are." The sun lights Chaeyoung and Violet's faces in the same warm, golden hue. "You look just like your mom."

Violet stares up at her and giggles, small hands reaching for her cheeks, squealing when it touches her palms.

"Fuck," I mutter, blinking faster than a hummingbird's wings as I try to burn my tongue on the coffee just to give myself something less mushy and unhinged to cry over.

I've seen Chanyeol hold her a million times, and it's never been like this. No, this is all Chaeyoung.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asks as she turns back to face me.

Violet laughs and continues running her hands over Chaeyoung's face. And gah, I can't even blame her.

"Yeah," I lie. "You?"

"Not especially." Her face morphs into a more solemn expression as she glances down at her again. "So, what led you to pick Violet?"

I chug back a hot gulp of coffee. Yes, more coffee. Why am I so emotional? I need to get this shit on lock before I go back to work in a few months. If I cry while I deliver bad news to people, I might as well quit.

"Um..." I glance around the room, feeling like I might be stronger if I don't have to look at them. "It means beauty, grace, and 'love' and, well... she made me feel loved. Alive, again. She made it when my last baby didn't. And it felt like a good adult name, you know? Like she could be prime minister with a name like that."

Chaeyoung hums happily and smiles down at Violet. "Prime minister? Good for you, girl. I can't wait to tell people my daughter is the prime minister."

Breathe, Mina.

I laugh to cover the emotion welling at the back of my throat. How dare she be so... her. "Of course, I never considered that feeling alive would also be so exhausting. Or that I'd want nothing more than for no one to touch me, even just for an hour. Or that I'd never bathe alone again." A shrill laugh leaps from my lips, a sad attempt to cover the emotion in my voice.

Chaeyoung's dark eyes glance up at me. "Go take a bath, Mina."

"What?" 

"Take that coffee and go run yourself a bath. Close the door. Put some music on. Watch some porn. Go have a moment to yourse—"

I bark out a laugh. "You did not just tell me that. In front of a young, impressionable mind, no less."

The grin she hits me with is pure knowing. She knows what she does to me, I'm sure of it. The way her eyes peruse my body is proof. I don't think I'm the only one who vividly remembers that night.

"Belle, please. I might not know you all that well, but I have a sinking suspicion that the future prime minister's first word might be fuck."

I bite down on my lip to hide the smile. Solo motherhood has turned me into a fucking trucker. I can't even deny it.

"Go. I've got her. We'll stay right here and wait for you."

I glare at her.

"To finish."

Asshole. I glare harder, but the desperately touched-out part of me screams, Do it! Take the bath!

"You know what? Yes, I'm going to go. I haven't had a bath alone in nine months."

"Good. Enjoy yourself."

"If she cries..."

"We will be fine. All my older cousins have a million babies. I used to babysit."

"I just fed her, so she should be fine."

She smiles, all warm and gooey.

"Look. I haven't left her alone with anyone except Sungjun and Nayeon's mom, Se-ah."

"Not even your parents?"

I glance away. "No. That's complicated."

"Listen, if you're not comfortable, I can leave. I don't want to barge in here and demand time you aren't ready to give. This must be weird for you."

For me, that's the final straw. Tears build in a way that is impossible to stop.

All my life, not a single person has prioritized how things might feel for me. And here is this woman I barely know, prioritizing me.

I force a watery smile. "I can't think of a single better person to watch her right now."

Chaeyoung nods, eyes scanning me just a little too closely. 

I nod back and head to the bathroom to cry in my bath.

And maybe watch some porn.