Dark Secrets

7

PANCHSHEEL PARK,NEW DELHI

The upper floor of the two storeyed house was on rent while the ground floor was always kept locked. The owner,an NRI who lived in the US,was hesitant about letting the place out to a single woman,but she assured them that she was married. Her husband,has job which requires travelling alot,would drop in on her from time to time when he was granted leave. The young lady seemed earnest enough and the old landlord decided to take a gamble. A year  went by without any incident although tha landlord was yet to confirm the woman's story about her husband.

It had rained incessantly the previous night and morning dawned with a virginal freshness. The area was generally quiet with only the occasionally purr of a car driving past. The girl was in shower when she heard the squeak of the gate. It had to be Yuvansh, she guessesd. He had messaged her earlier to say that he would be there in the morning. By the time the doorbell rang,she had slipped into a towelling robe,with a fluffy towel wrapped around her head. She opened the door to see Yuvansh holding two months worth of groceries in large shopping bags. She quickly took a few bags from him to lighten his load.
'Why do you have to bring everything all at once? When will you start relying on online services?' She chided him.
'You know I'm old school. I already hate the fact that I can't be there as much as I want to,so I dont want to feel additionally guilty about you being in a situation where you don't have something you desperately need.' He walked in and placed the shopping bags in the dinning table.
     'You are always here ,lekhak babu', she teased.
He hugged her immediately. It was easy enough to find a person who was one's strength, but to find a person to whom one could reveal one's vulnerabilities, that was something that happened very rarely.
      Pragati had lost her parents and she had intentionally kept a distance from her relatives who were only good at making her feel bad about herself because of her medical condition. Though that was not the only reason she had surrendered herself to Yuvansh long before he demanded her submission, and not once had she asked for anything in return. It was as if her surrender was truly defined her. She always knew that they would never have a story of their own;nevertheless,she was reconciled to it. Yuvansh was aware that a deep-rooted conviction was the only pre -requisite for their love. She made him realize that life would eventually wear people out. But if you could find someone who'd accept you with all your flaws and quirks,then you  could be saved. Pragati was that person for him. He knew she was in love with him, even though he wasn't. That was clear between them. They weren't friends either. Nor were they in a relationship of any kind. And yet they were together.

'You're free to choose to be with whoever you like, whenever you like. Just let me know,and i'll back off',he had said during their first tête-a-tête. Their incredible rapport filled the emotional craters that life creates within people. A connection that didn't need to be defined. All that was needed was a healthy mutual respect for each other's inner wounds and an unconditional affinity for the other.

Yuvansh had met Pragati during his book signing event. At the time ,both were battling deep troughs of depression. Pragati wasn't a mere fan who admires het favourite writer but she was a devotee ,an admirer and Yuvansh was her favourite scenery to look at,understand it ,and read it inside out. It wasn't she found him but it was  the other way round where he found her as per her destiny and saved her from her addiction to  drugs,she had severe agoraphobia that had culminated in attempted suicide. Both Pragati and Yuvansh were broken beings on some level,so they clicked almost instantly without having to justify themselves to each other.
'I 've made my choice,lekhak babu ,and as you know, i'm a very stubborn girl',she had told him.
Pragati went into the modular kitchen to sort out the groceries. Yuvansh went into her living room to examine het latest sketch of him. This was a thing between them. She made pencil sketches and he would fill in the colour whenever he visited. He had asked her why she invariably drew him wearing the exact same expression.
'It's not the same expression,'pragati protested. 'If you look closely ,lekhak babu ,I m trying to capture your mien each time you talk about her. Every drawing,therfore,has a minute change from the last. But i'm yet to get there.'
Yuvansh called out to Pragati from the living room,' Is this it?'
Pragati nodded , smiling over her shoulder.
'I get the feeling you don't really want to capture that specific expression,' Yuvansh said.
  'Getting there.....arriving ruins all the fun of trying to get there ,don't you agree? Perhaps i'm all about seeking the complete in the complete,' Pragati said with a smile.
Yuvansh noticed that she was making tea for them. He glanced out through the window and noticed that it had started drizzle. He walked out on to the balcony.
She approached the balcony door and frowned,' I know why you're out there,lekhak babu. Please come back inside.'
'Come here, Pragati,' Yuvansh coaxed. The last time she had stepped out in the open was two years ago when she had moved into this house,and she alone knew the Herculean effort it had been and the toll it had taken.
'If you don't confront your fears ,how will they ever go away? I'm still waiting for my tea,'Yuvansh smiled and gestured to her invitingly to step out and admire the view from her balcony.
Pragati took a deep breath. Yuvansh was too stubborn to get off his favourite hobbyhorse  once he was astride it. Her hands trembled as she carried out the tea tray , making the teacups rattle. By the time she was on the balcony, she had turned ashen. Raindrops splattered on her neck and arms.
'Lekhak babu,can I go back inside please?' Pragati please,her eyes squeezed shut.
'Won't you give me my tea?'
Such was her agoraphobia that with every step it was growing more difficult for her to focus. She felt like she was walking on brittle ice that was beginning to crack under her feet. She wanted to run back screaming into the safety of the house. However, she could not dissapoint her lekhak babu,so she shut her eyes and very ,very slowly traversed the distance of four meters until she reached Yuvansh. The entire exercise had taken her five whole minutes. He gently took the teacups from her and set them aside on the little patio table by the wall. She opened her eyes ,leapt on him and wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.
'Take me inside,now',she commanded imperiously,although her voice still trembled.
Yuvansh ,picked up the tray and walked into the living room with Pragati clinging to him. He lowered her into a chair and handed her a cup. He then sath on the floor by her feet and leaned against her knee,sipping his tea.
'The tea must be cold.'
'Don't worry about it,'said Yuvansh.
Pragati ran her fingers through his thick mane of hair. After a few minutes,she asked,' How is she?'
'Good',he avoided her gaze.
'I'd like to meet her sometime.'
'One day....' Yuvansh promised vaguely,'You know she asks questions for which I have no answers.'
'Questions like?'
'Why I don't make love to her?'
Pragati felt his body shudder and she knew he was crying.
'Lekhak babu....'she trailed off.
Their unspoken rule decreed that neither of them would stop the other from crying. She hated to see her lekhak babu this weak,but she could do nothing to console him. Her role in his life was to allow him to delve deep into his emotional discomforts father than provide succour.
  She rubbed his back and Yuvansh sath up, raising his head from her lap. She finished her tea and went to her laptop by the bed,unwinding the towel from her wet hair. Her long hair cascaded down her back. She punched some keys on her laptop to play a voice on loop; and then she turned the volume up.
   'Hurry up. Don't keep me waiting, Thakur sahab. Come to me soon.'
a woman's husky voice reverberated over the speakers.
Pragati then turned around and dropped the bathrobe.
Yuvansh reached her,his eyes bloodshot. He touched her forehead with his.
'Won't you make love to me,Thakur sahab?' Pragati asked.
'I will.....Ranisa...... I promise you,' Yuvansh kissed her, their saliva and tears melding together.