Ad Astra

Chapter 23

In the evening, after I have finished my duties for the day and eaten dinner alone, I pace inside my bedroom, slowly digesting all the information Asteria has shared. Though I have laid out a blank piece of parchment to write to my mother, each time I sit down, the words do not come to me. I wonder, what use does my mother have in hearing such a somber tale? What good will it do for the mission? It does not offer anything substantial that will help in infiltrating the castle and taking down the rest of the royal family.

I sigh and shove the letter away. I rest my elbows on the desk and lay my face in my hands. A deep groan rises from my body. I am angered over the way Asteria was treated, and I am angry that I am angered. Why should I care that her love was torn apart? Why should I care that she lost everything on account of her feelings for another woman?

I am ashamed to admit that I do care. Since she sent me away in the afternoon, Asteria has been all I have been thinking of for the rest of the day. Stupidly, I long to comfort her, but that is not my job, nor will it ever be. Even if Asteria may see me as a friend, I can never be more than than that. I am her maid, but I am nothing else.

I lean back in my chair, realizing now why Alba so protective over the princess. I recount every time I thought poorly of the former head maid and suddenly feel guilty, now having realized how much Alba strove to protect Asteria throughout her life. How noble of a sacrifice it must have been for her to also leave everything behind to stay with the princess. I can only imagine her hurt at having a young maid steal her position as head maid after all she did for Asteria.

But I ponder still why Alba was so concerned over me spending time with the princess. Does she really think that I—

My train of thought disappears when I hear footsteps down the hall. I quickly rise and press my ear to the door. I realize it must be Alba escorting the princess back from a later dinner. Though I can hear their voices, I cannot decipher what they are saying. Their tones are not considerably light, but they don't sound particularly serious either.

I decide it is not for me to worry about. For now, I should try to rest.

Unfortunately, I spend most of the night tossing and turning. I dream of Asteria in bits and pieces, but when I wake in the morning, I cannot remember what those dreams were about, only that I felt warm and comforted as her face was lifted into a smile, rather than the frown I left her with the day before.

My heart rate begins to quicken as I dress myself for the day. I wonder what sort of mood the princess will be in. Will she have recovered from the contents of the letter already? Will she want me to forget she ever shared anything with me to begin with? Will she be expecting me to comfort her? Guiltily, I realize I do want to take her in my arms and console her. After all, she has done enough for me. It is time I repay the favor.

I call to Asteria when I enter her room, but to my surprise, it is empty when I enter. I search around her entire chambers and even run my hand along her bedsheets to see if they are still warm, but they are frigid. I begin to doubt if she even spent the night in her bedroom to begin with. Panicked, and worried Alba will have my head on a silver platter if she realizes I lost track of the princess, I locate the nearest guard in the estate.

"Do you know where the princess has gone?" I ask urgently.

"Oh. She took a stroll in the garden. Some of the other guards accompanied her," he responds.

I thank him and quickly rush off, infuriated suddenly with Asteria for not telling me where she was headed this morning. I take a deep breath and suppose it only matters that she is safe. As I step out of the building, the morning air feels cool on my skin. The sun has only barely risen, and a thin film of mist lays out across the land. It is quite beautiful to witness, but I am not so much concerned with the beauty of Esterpool as I am locating Asteria right now.