Ballads of Summer

Stuck In The Moment

I decided to take a bath. I was wishing that the warm water will drown me so I could die. Why on Earth Nathan came back? Such a freaking distraction. I dressed up on my PJs I used to wear when I was in highschool. It's bit tight by now but I love it. I went out and stare at the swimming pool. I slumped the earphones and turn my iPad on. I was checking my emails. 2 days to go and i'll get married.

"Hi there" Nathan smiled and sat beside me.

"Hello" I choked.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes"

"Are you excited? You got my cousin"

"I am excited and nervous and you know, I can't believe i'll get married. I thought I'll be alone"

"You can't be alone. People will continue to love a woman like you"

"People don't love me. Josh loves me. My friends... My parents"

Kill me please!

He just smiled.

"We never talked for quite a long time" he smiled awkwardly.

"Yeah. You're busy and i'm busy" I scratched my head nervously.

"What happened to you after our graduation?"

"Went to Harvard. I'm now working in Vogue and in Starbucks, which is funny"

"What's funny in working in Starbucks? That's your dream job"

"I'm an editor in Vogue but then.. Fine! You never really get my humor"

"I get your humor"

"We don't have the same one"

"We once shared the same humor"

Oh no!

My tears were cramming up on my eyes.

"What happened to you in the army?" I croaked.

"Got shot multiple times and luckily i'm alive" he smiled.

"It's not really for you though"

"It's really for me"

"Are you married? You got kids? Girlfriend? Live-in?"

"I'm single. I never had a girlfriend... after you"

"Oh okay"

I just sighed.

"Because I thought you'll wait for me" he faked a laugh.

"The direction of the wind change, Nathan. It's not that you'll always wait or what" I frowned.

I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"But I thought you will wait" he said.

"I'm getting married Nathan. I just hate seeing you in my wedding day" I shrugged.

"Why?"

"It hurts me. It kills me"

"You thought I don't feel that way too? You don't know how it kills me when I heard he found you"

I just sobbed. I'm drowning through his words. I saw him crying too/.

"It kills me when he told me that you two were schoolmates. It hurts when both of you started dating. It hurts so much when I heard you'll marry him! I just hate myslef for helping you when we're in highschool after he cheated on you, Miranda! It still kills me at the time I broke up with you! I thought you'll wait for me because you don't even know how I miss you every single day! Every single battle I've been through I just wish for your hug or your kiss and even yourself! I miss you so much! I don't even know what hurts most now, is it the bullets I got or the fact that you'll marry him?" he was crying.

It was a long speech. It just kills me every word he said. I just sobbed too. I was on my knees. Words were flowing in my head.

"I thought you'll never come back. I thought you found someone else because you got no valid reason for leaving me alone. You just said it was because of the army. I found your cousin. He continued the promises you broke. I may not be in Venice like what you promised me but i'll be in Paris." I sighed.

He sat near to me. We just sat there without a word.

"You know? While i'm in the army, I tried to picture you" he said in his amazed voice.

"What do I look like?" I smiled.

"You were in your wedding dress and I'm waiting for you in the church"

"That daydreaming sucks"

"Then we were married and we went boatingl, like you always dream"

"Then?"

"We made love under the stars like what you always dream of"

"I didn't dream of that"

"Liar!"

"Then? What? I leave you and I married Josh"

He just frowned. We were like kids speculating our dreams.

"Can I kiss you for the final time?" he whispered.

I hugged him tightly and he kissed me. Memories just came. It just hurts that I pulled him away.

"This is goodbye" I wiped my tear.

"Goodbye though?" he asked.

I just left him alone and went to my room. I decided to pack my bag because we'll leave this morning.