"Alam mo, hindi ba?" Pigil ang galit na sabi sa'kin ni Liv nang makarating kami sa parking lot.
Tahimik ang lugar at iilan lang ang nakikita ko pero walang pake si Liv doon. He's looking at me dead in the eye.
"A-anong ibig mong s-sabihin?" Utal kong ani.
Takot ako. Takot na takot dahil sa galit na Liv na kaharap ko ngayon.
"Don't fucking--lie to me, Everly." He shouted the first two words but lowered the rest.
Napaigik ako sa kinatatayuan ko dail sa pagtaas ng boses ni Liv. Another wave of tears wants to stream down my face because Liv never, and doesn't raise voice at girls, lalo na ako. What's happening?
"I'm n-not--"
"Alam mo di'ba? Alam mo!" He finally shouted that now made me cry and sob.
Inangat ko ang tingin ko kay Liv at hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa luhaan ako o may tumulo talagang luha sa mga mata ni Liv.
He really love Avy. How I wish I were her that even though pinagkaitan ng pagmamahal sa magulang ay minahal naman ng taong minahal ng nakararami, lalo na sa kapatid niya.
How could I make you mine, Liv? Just how?! Ginawa ko naman lahat eh. I even sacrificed my own pride sa mommy ko just to beg her to be engaged with you, pero si Avy parin. Si Avy parin eh. I gave too much effort habang si Avy naman ay walang ginawa pero mahal na mahal mo.
But I am aware that those 'efforts' are not really efforts, those are selfishness. I'm aware but I refused to know.
"Liv, let me e-explain p-please..."
"Shit, Ely! Sa'n ba ako nagkulang bilang kaibigan sa'yo na magagawa mo to at ang maglihim?! Putangina naman eh!"
He's mad at me. Really, really mad at me. Sino ba naman ang hindi? Sa lahat ng ginawa ko... alam kong imposible na niya akong mapatawad, nila ni Avy.
He turned around at nagpameywang saka sinuntok ang dingding na semento na malapit lang sa'min.
I sobbed, hardly.
"P-putangina, alam mo palang mahal ko si Avy, Ely, pero bakit mo pinagsisiksikan ang s-sarili mo sa'kin?" He said then paused for a moment to chuckle bitterly and then continued. "You even begged your mother to be engaged with me, bakit, Ely? Ganyan ka na ba ka b-baba? Tangina, alam ko eh. Alam kong gusto mo ako pero alam ko naman na alam mo na si Avy ang pipiliin ko eh,"
"L-Liv," stop, please!
It's tearing my heart into pieces. Hearing it from him na si Avy ang paulit-ulit niyang pipiliin. Tangina! Ang baba ko nga! Ang tanga tanga ko!
Napaupo ako sa malamig na simento sa parking lot dahil sa panghihina ng tuhod ko. He's letting me wake up in reality where he will not and never choose me over Avy. Ang sakit!
"Liv, h-hear me out, p-please..."
"What Ely?! Hear all your lies?! Damn it! Fuck your explainations! Dahil sa'yo hindi ko na protektahan si Avy sa mommy mo!"
"W-what--"
Si mommy? What did she do?
"Oh, hindi mo alam? Wala ka kasing pake! Avy was maltreated by your mom there! Dahil sa mommy mo, na trigger ang sakit sa puso ni Avy!"
I cried hard after what I've heard. Am I really that heartless to not worry over Avy? Nadala na ako sa nararamdaman ko.
I know it is never impossible for mom to do such thing but she really did it.
"Liv, I'm s-sorry. I-I'm sorry!"
I cried hard habang paluhod na naglakad patungo sa paanan niya at hinawakan siya ng mahigpit habang umiiyak.
I can't take it no more, I'm really guilty right now. Kung naging mabuting kaibigan lang sana ako sa kanila, hindi sana mapapadala sa ibang bansa si Avy and no such thing will happen to her.
"How will your sorry cure Avery's heart disease, Ely? How?!"
This time, his voice boomed. It's cold and lifeless. When I looked at him it's like, he's looking at a trash in front of him.
"L-Lance, h-heart disease l-lang naman y-yun eh--"
"The fuck?! Are you dumb?! Tanga ka ba?! Nakamamatay yun, Ely tapos 'lang'?! Alam mo? Sana hindi nalang kita naging kaibigan. Ang laking pagsisisi ko. Basura ka, Ely. Tangina."
With that he left me still on the floor.
Damn! Ang sakit! Tangina! Hindi niya kasi alam eh! Hindi niya alam kung anong meron ako ngayon eh kaya siya nagsasalita ng ganun! Malulunasan payung heart disease ni Avy! Pero yung sa'kin?! PUTANGINA! May taning na ako! Dalawang buwan nalang!
May buwan pa akong natitira pero para na akong pinapatay sa mga salita ni Liv. Tangina, pa'no to nahantong sa ganito?
I think I don't need therapy, wala na rin naman silbi tong buhay na'to.
After spending an hour of mourning there, I finally decided to go home, to our house where Liv and I lived.
Hinubad ko ang damit ko at napagdesisyonan kong maligo since ang lagkit ko na and when I looked at the mirror, my eyes are swollen from crying for hours.
Wala rin si Liv dito. Malamang, gustuhin niya pa bang umuwi dito?
I lovked the bathroom and then opened the shower nang biglang sumakit bigla ang ulo ko.
Damn. This is what I ver felt for the past two days. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagshower pero hindi ko na matiis ang sakit. Every seconds passes and the pain gets unbearable.
"H-help," I said even though I know no one can hear me cause ako lang mag-isa sa bahay.
I tried to open the door but I can't dahil nanghihina na ako na napaupo na ako sa sahig at hindi ko na lubusan maabot ang saradula ng pinto.
I need my medicine! I can't die right now! Hindi pa ako nakahingi ng tawad kay Avy at Liv! I don't want to die yet! Ayoko pa.
A tear escaped from my eyes while shouting because of the pain. I can't take it anymore. Ang sakit!
Everything got blurry and I know I'm gonna lose consciousness and no ones gonna save me but I still mumbled his name.
"L-liv, h-help."
