Tubbo POV🐝
Tw: swears, tomatoes, self harm
Side note: in this universe Wilbur is not in lovejoy. The band still exists though.
The car journey was longer than I thought. It gave me time to think about everything that had happened. At least I could try to think about good memories, not the bad ones that sent tears falling over my lashline.
"Alright chat, thanks for watching my first ever stream! Sorry it's not very long, but I'm new to this, so streams will be longer in the future! And tomorrow I'm streaming with a special guest! I won't tell you who, you'll find out soon enough," I said to my chat, and turned off my monitor.
Just to make 1000% sure, I messaged Ranboo on discord.
"Hey bossman, we still on for stream tomato?"
"Definitely :D"
"Nice"
"Also 'tomato?'"
"Ah heck I meant tomorrow"
That was a good memory, my first ever twitch stream. I had just bought an old laptop from a carboot sale, it barely functioned, but it had just enough storage to handle minecraft. Meanwhile, I streamed separately from my phone. Not exactly a glamorous setup, but good enough.
It always calmed me down to think about good memories. Worst luck, the good memories usually led to bad ones, my childhood being laced with so many.
"Why the hell didn't you take the bins out! We've missed another recycling day because of you. Now the whole kitchen's gonna stink out!" my father yelled at me. I couldn't have been older than 14.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just forgot," I whimpered, instinctively holding my hands above my head.
"I forgot this, I forgot that! You just forget everything. I don't care if you've got some stupid learning issue, it's no excuse for being lazy!"
I ran. I seem to be running away every day. Doesn't matter who or what it's from, I could win an Olympic medal for sprinting at this rate.
I ran into the bathroom, curled up and cried. I hugged my knees as I lay on the floor, the carpet growing damp with tears. God knows why the bathroom was carpeted.
My sadness was quickly replaced with an overwhelming guilt. Why did I always have to mess up like this? Why was it always my fault? Every single day I do something wrong.
And I deserve to be punished for it.
I stood up, trembling. I needed something sharp. I needed pain. I looked around the room for something, anything. My eyes landed on the cabinet door. With shaking hands and a sort of desperation, I opened it and discovered a box of new razors.
I opened them and started making small lines across my forearms. It felt good but bad. Each cut made me wince and press my lips together, but at the same time it was satisfying. Like cutting a piece of fruit on a chopping board.
I made a slice for everything I hated about myself.
Stupid.
Poor.
Weak.
Lazy.
Can't spell.
Anxious.
Depressed.
Young.
Arrogant.
Gay.
Hopeless.
Short.
Clingy.
Forgetful.
Dumb.
It hurt.
Shit.
Why did I think of all that?
Every day for a year I used to repeat those words to myself, adding onto the list of things I didn't want to accept. Even things I knew I couldn't change, didn't mean I hated myself any less.
I need a break from all this.
"Phil, could I listen to some music please?" I asks quietly. I usually got berated for asking this, so I was scared to say the least.
"Of course mate, you don't have to ask. Have you got headphones?" Phil said.
"Yeah, I've got earphones," I said, pulling them out of my bag, untangling the cord and plugging them in.
The instrumental riff came in, making my spine shiver with delight. Then the explosion of words like a firework pulsed through my earphones.
And stop
'Cause why'd you have to kill my cat?
Why'd I have to take you back?
Time and time, I play the empath
I don't know why
Put some lights on in an empty pub
A toilet with the seat left up
It's closure like a deer in headlights
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
She said, "Let's talk about
What I want to do
'Cause all I want to do
Is turn back time
At least a couple Tuesdays
To before I found one life, turn two"
I said it last time
But I'm not afraid of empty rooms
I'm not afraid of new perfume
And, in fact, my dear
I'm fucking terrified
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
Woo
'Cause I know that
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
One day, I know that you will be there
One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe
One day, oh, baby, isn't life so fucking inconsistent?
Most definitely my favourite song.
Had to wrap this chapter up, it's getting too long.
Eat something, drink water, touch grass, take your meds if you need to, and if you're reading this at anywhere from 11:47 - 4:28, GO TO SLEEP.
word count: 967
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How I adopted my best friends | benchtrio
FanfictionAfter many years of being in abusive households, Tubbo Live and Tommy Innit find themselves in an orphanage for young adults. Until one day their old friend Ranboo gets an insane idea...
