[ like ashes in water ]

[ 8 ]

1123.

It's been 1123 days since Scaramouche left.

Right after his disappearance, the mission was reassigned to Pantalone. The Tsarasita immediately ordered a search for Scaramouche.

Each and every day has been torture.

I catch glimpses of him everywhere I go.

I see the sleeve of his kimono in the passersby of the crowds.

I see his deep raven hair, and the two light lavender locks on a stranger, only to blink and find it was just an illusion.

I see the look on his face yet again, right before he left.

If only...

the same face had said

'I love you.'

If only the same face had given a sign, even just a hint.

He's everywhere.

In my dreams, in my mind, in my arms.

But I can never hold onto him. He always slips away, disappearing from my grasp.

He is always smiling happily, holding hands to that woman with pink hair.

Is he happy now, with that woman? Is he happy with leading me on, toying with my heart?

He had probably left his life as a Harbinger behind just for that woman. They would've gotten married, bought a small house and lived together. After all this time, he probably already has kids with her...

Is he happy, being a father?

I despise her. What would it be like, if I was in her place, having a little rendezvous with Scaramouche in a forest together, whispering in each others' ears about all our secrets?

Unconsciously, while thinking, I had been digging my nails into my thumbs, drawing blood out.

Before I could do anything though, a knock came on my office door.

"Come in." I straightened myself as one of my assistants, a Fatui Mage, entered my office.

"Sir Tartaglia, I have something that might interest you." With that, she handed me a newspaper.

The front cover was about the current tensions between the Skylands and Underworld. I frowned slightly, putting the paper down.

"Why would such trivial matters strike my interest?" I asked.

"The second page, sir." Sighing to myself, I reluctantly picked up the newspaper again.

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INAZUMA CROWNS NEW HEIR?

Today, in Inazuma, leaders Raiden Ei and Yae Miko held a ceremony for the new Inazuman heir. The heir was the Kabukimono that had ruled over Inazuma centuries ago, before vanishing without a trace. Now, he is reintroduced into the Royal family as an heir rather than replacement for the throne. Commonfolk, although surprised, are accepting of the sudden announcement.

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After I finished reading the paragraph, I glanced down at the photo.

Of course, there was the Inazuman ruler, Raiden Ei. It was the first time I had seen her appearance. She had deep violet hair, and bright lavender eyes that felt so familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

But what had caught my eye was the two people on the far right.

The familiar faces.

Scaramouche...and that pink haired woman?

The gears of my brain stopped, my thoughts silenced except for one.

Scaramouche is an Inazuman heir?

I was delighted to some extent, because the possibility of an intimate relationship between Scaramouche and someone who was his parental figure was non-existent.

He wouldn't engage in incest...right?

Then again, the fact that he left the Fatui for Inazuma...

I couldn't condemn his actions either. However, I was still sour about how he left me behind.

How he left us behind.

All for a position in somewhere that was like another dimension; too far for me to reach.

But the arrival of this news was like music to my ears, making me feel much better than before. I handed back the paper to my assistant.

The second she was out the door, I was up and around.

He's alive, well, and not with somebody else!

Of course, there was a slight chance he wasn't...

It's fine. I would just kill that person, and take back what's rightfully my place.

I caught a glance of my reflection in the window, who was grinning from ear to ear.

From afar, I can see the pathway to Liyue, leading to Inazuma.

I  can already see you. Just you wait, Scaramouche.

Although I wasn't sure how to, my brain had already started devising a plan.

Clearly, if I just casually stroll into Inazuma without reason, it would spark Tsarsita's suspicion. She would never allow me to do such a thing.

So, there was only one option. An option I would have never in a million years ever have thought of if Scaramouche didn't exist.

I'd reach out to my father and mother for help.

After the whole incident in the Abyss, I had never contacted them, not even once. I blocked all forms of communication, and fortified a wall between us. No matter how much they regretted what they did to me, I couldn't bring myself to forgive them.

I was scared that once I see them again, I'll once again want their praises, affection, and most of all, validation. I'd be caught up in the endless cycle again, of hating yet loving the feeling that comes over when they're proud of me.

I do love my family. I truly do. But to my parents, I'm just another brick in the building. They could replace me with just another exact replica once I'm gone. Even if I came from their own flesh, blood and bones, even if I'm their son, it wouldn't matter.

I came to terms with this almost as soon as I could walk and talk.

I'm not the eldest, who is an established heir, nor the youngest, one who still needs to be pampered with every need.

No.

I'm the middle child, the non-existent ghost that lives in the walls of their happy family home.

Blinking, I realized that I had been staring out the window at nothing but empty space. Quickly, I turned around and walked back to my seat.

Hesitantly, I took out my writing tools, and wrote those ever-so-familiar words.

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Dear Mother and Father,

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